Relationship advice: good and bad?
- Thread starter Gaze
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Helpful: "If it's really right, there's no need to rush it."
This appeal to patience has been quite useful to me. Time tends to be revelatory towards the character of a potential partner.
Unhelpful: "Everyone deserves a chance."
While I would give a potential partner due consideration, I would disagree with the notion that I should need to romantically involve myself with them to accomplish this (which was the implication of the person who said this to me). It invites unnecessary emotional baggage, from my perspective.
This appeal to patience has been quite useful to me. Time tends to be revelatory towards the character of a potential partner.
Unhelpful: "Everyone deserves a chance."
While I would give a potential partner due consideration, I would disagree with the notion that I should need to romantically involve myself with them to accomplish this (which was the implication of the person who said this to me). It invites unnecessary emotional baggage, from my perspective.
GOOD:
*Never let a woman walk out the door
*Never strike a woman
*Trust is earned not given
*Better to lose your pride to someone you love, than someone you love to your pride.
BAD:
*Give her all your time and attention
*Show her who's boss
*Put her in her place
*train her
Advice given to men about women usually sucks balls.
Interestingly, the only advice I ever got that really worked well for me regarding girls, was from my crazy mother... but when it comes to loving and showing affection, she had always had it right, she told me to not be afraid to hold their hands, especially in public, not to be afraid to cry in front of a woman, to try and dress well for them and not just go out bummy.
I like to think my ability to love, care and show affection and feelings is something I inherited from mom (fitting this is mothers day) all the evil I encompass and that stirs within I inherited from my father. His advice about girls, well the only bit i ever got was not to hit them. Other than that he has lead my wrong most of my life.
I like to think my ability to love, care and show affection and feelings is something I inherited from mom (fitting this is mothers day) all the evil I encompass and that stirs within I inherited from my father. His advice about girls, well the only bit i ever got was not to hit them. Other than that he has lead my wrong most of my life.
Bad: Anything involving the words fate/destiny.
Good: Love of oneself is critical for maintaining stable relationships...that both can benefit from.
I imagine quite of a bit of this is subjective and/or based on one's individual relationship experiences... and I probably haven't been in enough (relationships) for my perpective to be that relevant/helpful.
Good: Love of oneself is critical for maintaining stable relationships...that both can benefit from.
I imagine quite of a bit of this is subjective and/or based on one's individual relationship experiences... and I probably haven't been in enough (relationships) for my perpective to be that relevant/helpful.
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The worst advice I've heard always has to do with how to be the one in power. Power plays do not a successful relationship make.
yeah, some of the advice tends to be how to have the upper hand or the more control. People often forfeit good relationships because they focus on dominating or being always ahead of their partner or having the advantage in the relationship.
Bad for women: "wait for mr. right or the one". Yes, there may be a great and perfect partner, but there is no guarantee. Sometimes, a good partner is around, but they're ignored because they don't look like "the one".
Bad for men: "tell her what she wants to hear or ask her personal things about herself." This seems to be a very popular dating advice given to men. It implies all women are self centered and want the conversation to always focus on them. Men who try too much to tell a women everything he "thinks" she wants to hear often send up red flags. And I'm self conscious so I don't want any conversations centered around me. Makes me feel as if I'm being put on the spot. I'd rather volunteer personal information about myself than be asked. I usually prefer if someone asks me an opinion about some benign or current topic. Allows me to share my values or how I feel without feeling as if i'm on the spot. I honestly don't want someone to know everything about me in the beginning. Why would I do that when I barely even know you? I'd rather someone be interested in how I think than everything about me.
Good for women: "date around." You can know what you want even if you don't date many people. Spending most of the time with too many people can take away time from getting to know one person who's worth the exclusion of the others. You don't always need a ton of dating or relationship experience to figure out if someone is right or good for you. And in some cases, not all, quite a bit of dating or relationship experience seems to make people more critical, judgmental, and sometimes a bit too cynical and bitter. Sometimes, they later take out some of that dating frustration or bad relationship experience on the future people they are hoping to date. Then these future have to work twice as hard to prove that they're not like the other "bad apples" she had the misfortune to meet.
Good for men: "pay attention to her wants/needs." She will notice and more likely be responsive to your wants/needs if she's a fair and good partner.
Just an opinion.
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"You guys should go to couples counseling."
This was given to me by my mother a year and a half into being in a relationship with someone.
If things are that bad after only a year and a half, it's best just to end it.
In my experience, good relationships are pretty smooth, with minimal rocky parts--not the other way around.
This was given to me by my mother a year and a half into being in a relationship with someone.
If things are that bad after only a year and a half, it's best just to end it.
In my experience, good relationships are pretty smooth, with minimal rocky parts--not the other way around.
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