Rejecting others | INFJ Forum

Rejecting others

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Satya, Jul 7, 2008.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I've noticed that when it comes to dating and whatnot, that i don't fear being rejected anywhere near as much as I fear rejecting others. What about you guys?
     
  2. sriv

    sriv Community Member

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    Same.

    I would attribute that to introversion and more selflessness than selfishness.
     
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  3. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Do either of you actually have experience with this? I've rejected others, but never been rejected (I don't believe the girl should make the advances, so . . . )

    Though, having to say "sorry, I don't feel the same way" really bites. Especially if it's a really good friend . . .
     
  4. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I had a very hard time with this when I was in the dating pool. My fear of rejecting or hurting others caused me to accept gifts and dates I really didn't want and kept me in relationships for longer than necessary. It is still an ongoing struggle for me to erect boundaries and enforce them.
     
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  5. sEth

    sEth Newbie

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    I am the same.. as a male though it makes for many past "wrong idea" relationships... instead of rejecting I just "drop off the face of the earth." I know, I should not have done that and of course I knew this at the time but would do it anyway. I do not like to hurt people, period. :(
     
  6. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Sometimes I would do or say something that would make them reject me just so I wouldn't have to but doing that and what you said above causes us to do what we didn't want to in the first place - hurt people!
     
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  7. sEth

    sEth Newbie

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    You are right.. in the end they are hurt... :( and I would do the same.. make them hate me first. But you are right... I guess that is where blocking comes in. Its easier to block someone that thinks you died or something.. -not funny I know... :oops:
     
  8. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I wouldn't have made the thread if I didn't. :(
     
  9. Aquinas

    Aquinas Newbie

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    Satya,

    Exactly the same experience. In fact, I've never broke up with a person. I either stayed with them or did awful things in order for them to break up with me. I've always considered it a real weakness in my character.
     
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  10. BallentineChen

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    This was the driving reason behind why I've rejected all the girls that were interested in me and have never had a relationship, but that was because I didn't want to use other girls when I knew I wasn't truly interested in them. If I had found a girl that I truly liked, and she reciprocated the feeling, I wouldn't let that stop me.
     
  11. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I reject people all the time, these days it's because my standards have risen so far that only a select few can beat them. I generally only reject a person on the grounds of the personality (if there's no potential, it's over, before it began), or if we've been dating, then i generally only reject a person on grounds of disloyalty. Disloyalty is probably the only reason I cut anything off.
     
  12. oscarhollywood

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    I always have the people I don't want liking me, liking me.
     
  13. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    :lol: That is the ultimate curse. And there really isn't any way out of it.

    I dated a girl once, and I mean in the literal sense of one time, and she stalked for like a year. The worst part was that I had told her over the phone a few days after our date that I wasn't interested and she actually cried. It put me off dating for a long time.
     
  14. gokartride

    gokartride Community Member

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    In the past I did have to sign off on a few dating relationships, but now (at least for the past ten years) I don't believe I've ever let anybody get enough close to me to have to actually reject them. I mean, they are good friends and somewhat close, but it only goes so far...I don't let really let people in until I can tell there is a real basis for a close friendship and, frankly, it hasn't come up out here in suburbia. Sometimes I can honestly say I am surrounded by strangers (I work in downtown Dallas), but that sounds a bit too melodramatic.....I've come to accept the situation for the most part.
     
  15. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    I have had similar experiences. My policy for several years now has been to keep distant until I know that single males within my vicinity aren't interested, then I allow myself to say more than just "hello".
     
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