Rejecting others

Same.

I would attribute that to introversion and more selflessness than selfishness.

 

Do either of you actually have experience with this? I've rejected others, but never been rejected (I don't believe the girl should make the advances, so . . . )

Though, having to say "sorry, I don't feel the same way" really bites. Especially if it's a really good friend . . .

 

I had a very hard time with this when I was in the dating pool. My fear of rejecting or hurting others caused me to accept gifts and dates I really didn't want and kept me in relationships for longer than necessary. It is still an ongoing struggle for me to erect boundaries and enforce them.

 

I am the same.. as a male though it makes for many past "wrong idea" relationships... instead of rejecting I just "drop off the face of the earth." I know, I should not have done that and of course I knew this at the time but would do it anyway. I do not like to hurt people, period.

 

Sometimes I would do or say something that would make them reject me just so I wouldn't have to but doing that and what you said above causes us to do what we didn't want to in the first place - hurt people!

 

You are right.. in the end they are hurt... and I would do the same.. make them hate me first. But you are right... I guess that is where blocking comes in. Its easier to block someone that thinks you died or something.. -not funny I know...

 

Satya,

Exactly the same experience. In fact, I've never broke up with a person. I either stayed with them or did awful things in order for them to break up with me. I've always considered it a real weakness in my character.

 

This was the driving reason behind why I've rejected all the girls that were interested in me and have never had a relationship, but that was because I didn't want to use other girls when I knew I wasn't truly interested in them. If I had found a girl that I truly liked, and she reciprocated the feeling, I wouldn't let that stop me.

 

I reject people all the time, these days it's because my standards have risen so far that only a select few can beat them. I generally only reject a person on the grounds of the personality (if there's no potential, it's over, before it began), or if we've been dating, then i generally only reject a person on grounds of disloyalty. Disloyalty is probably the only reason I cut anything off.

 

I always have the people I don't want liking me, liking me.

 

In the past I did have to sign off on a few dating relationships, but now (at least for the past ten years) I don't believe I've ever let anybody get enough close to me to have to actually reject them. I mean, they are good friends and somewhat close, but it only goes so far...I don't let really let people in until I can tell there is a real basis for a close friendship and, frankly, it hasn't come up out here in suburbia. Sometimes I can honestly say I am surrounded by strangers (I work in downtown Dallas), but that sounds a bit too melodramatic.....I've come to accept the situation for the most part.

 

I have had similar experiences. My policy for several years now has been to keep distant until I know that single males within my vicinity aren't interested, then I allow myself to say more than just "hello".