Reality Girl

It all started with a "chance" meeting with a certain girl. She was very beautiful and we only talked for a few moments, but when I looked into her eyes, there was something different there. Hard to explain, but I couldn't forget it. Later that day, I was sitting in my garden, and I "chanced" to see a yellow caterpillar crawling on a tree trunk. I watched with entranced delight, and it seemed to stop and look back at me, and I felt this weird feeling like it had eyes that were like the eyes of the girl I had met, and my mind went into a sort of altered state of beingness. I couldn't see or hear and really all my 5 senses seemed to be gone. It was something like being in a dream, but it wasn't a dream. I could feel emotions though, very intense emotions. Some like I had never ever felt before. Inexplicable, but wondrous and rapturous! In this strange state of being, I saw the caterpillar drop from the tree and disappear into pure nothingness. I felt so sad, but then appeared a beautiful rose at the trunk of the tree and peered at me, and it was the same as the girl and the caterpillar, and I thought "O this cannot be" and with that very thought the rose disappeared and I returned to normalcy, but I wasn't so fond of being normal as I used to be!



I woke up the next morning very happy, but it seemed like something had changed in me. I didn't know what, but something. The day went well, and later on in the evening I sat out in the garden again, and thought about what "seemed" to have been an hallucination of sorts (although the "seeming" magic of the moment was certainly difficult to remove from my memory). I was hoping something similar would happen again, but although everything was so tranquil and peaceful and happy, there was no hoped for re-occurrence of the experience. That night though, I had some very strange dreams...


Chances don't just happen
they happen for reasons
just like trees grow and drop leaves in
their various seasons

Eyes don't just glow and entrance
they enhance the very world around them
and envelope the very same world
that has no power to entrap them...

 

I didn't quite wake up the next morning, I was in a daze, and I looked at the window and I saw a form appear from the rising sun. I rubbed my eyes but they wouldn't clear and the form drew nearer and nearer and took the shape of a beautiful woman in a long black chiffonny dress and she had hair so long it was flowing behind her and she came right through the window as if it didn't exist! Her hair trailed on the ground behind her like a veil, and she came over and stood beside my bed. I was petrified. I didn't know if I was dreaming or awake and I wanted desperately to awaken and yet she was so beautiful I didn't want to. Damn, was I confused! She smiled sweetly and sat down beside me and place her hand upon my thigh. She said "Don't be scared, don't stop to think, don't stop to question, just listen!".

My mind did some sort of weird double-take, and I blinked one time and she was gone! I got up to get ready to go to work, and decided it must have been nothing but a dream. A very very VIVID dream, but just a dream! There seemed to be no other explanation!

Mind tricks, mind games, don't we all play them?
In fact anyone reading this better beware, because what you think reality is or is not, just might be challenged by the words you will hear here...
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It took a while before I even really thought about any of what had happened again. I think I was kinda in shock and I was not ready to deal with this unusual state of existence like I'd never ever even heard of or been told about by anyone before. Too surrealistic to be realististic, it seemed to me...Probably more like the fear that everyone else had a sense of sanity and mine was on the borderline of being broken...

 

Many thanks, Lurker and Zencat. . . But . . .

That is when the bad dreams started. I mean the dreams themselves were not so bad. They were fairly normal, fairly benign... but within the dreams, something would happen that I would think "no, this really can't happen in the real world"...and then I would realize.."oh, this is just a dream"! , Then I would try to awaken, but I couldn't! I would try to shake my head, and slap myself in the face, but I continued entrapped within the dream! Man-oh-Man did I ever get frustrated! Finally against all seeming odds, I would awaken and think "Oh this is so much better" -- Well that is until something unthinkable would happen again, and I would realize "Oh no, I haven't really awoken! This is just a new dream!". Oh-so-confused was I! Eventually, I would really awaken to the supposed reality of the concensual world around me, and I would be afraid to go back to sleep again, because I knew that things would not make much logical sense in that oh-so-abstruse world! It just really scared me to feel so lost!

These dreams continued for several weeks. One night I awoke from a series of such dreams and I didn't want to go back to sleep. In the last dream, my house had been invaded by strangers, and I had very unsettling emotions about this. That's the next time she came to visit.

She came from the darkness this time. She started off as a tiny bright white light in the distant horizon, and as she drew nearer, I could see she was dressed all in white with short golden colored hair. Very Angelic looking I thought and she had a golden aura around her. It struck me odd that the first time she had come from the Sun all in black, and this time she came from the darkness all in white and gold.

The very fact that I was thinking of such things made me realize I didn't have the same trembling fear that I had had at her first appearance. In fact, I felt a sense of comfort at seeing her again. True to form, she passed right through the closed window and sat down on the floor next to my bed. She just sat there looking at me! I could only look obliquely at her eyes as they shined like brilliant green emeralds that emitted an extremely intense light that sort of blinded me. She place a hand softly on my chest and said "Maynard please , would you close your eyes? No blinking this time, and it is ok if you think, but please also listen, please?"?

I did as she asked. She continued "You have been approaching your dreams with a sense of fear because they have been challenging the way you have been taught that reality should be. Your last dream showed you how you saw life as like having strangers enter your house (your mind) and letting them run it for you. You are not the brightest of all humans are you, Maynard?"? Then she giggled softly. I started to open my eyes and I wanted to retort, but she gently rubbed her fingertips over my chest and said "Please do not let your ego drive you to make such lowly comparisons between self and others. This is a common human frailty, as driven as you are by competition. Such a reaction is still like letting strangers live your life and run your mind for you....You didn't like that dream very much, now did you?"? I still had my eyes closed, but I could feel the intenseness of her look and it felt like her eyes were dancing with delight...

 

I wanted to ask her who she was, where she came from... but she took her hand from my chest and placed a finger on my lips and said "Shhh' darling, and just think your thoughts rather than speaking them. I will be able to communicate much more quickly and effectively that way!".

I didn't even think a thought at that point, and she said "This is much better, as you can be much more receptive this way. Do you remember a dream, dear Maynard, where you were given certain gifts, but you just gave them away again to others whom you could see they were more correctly suited for, and while they were just right for these others at the time, they were not just right for you? And do you remember that you thought you would receive just the right gift for yourself as well, but you did not?"? I just brought the dream to mind when she pressed slightly harder on my lips to indicate to me not to think any further. "There are elements of the fullness of that dream which you are not yet able to comprehend", she continued, "but rather than the gift, all you got was to be told that you would have to await your gift from the"... My thoughts seemed to quickly break into her thoughts here, and I continued the thought... "Visitor from the East, and when you first appeared to me you came from the rising sun! ...

"Yes", she thought to me, "but there will be other humans who will also become a part of this!".

She took her finger from my lips and I opened my eyes and she dimmed her eyes down to a lustre, and she looked into my eyes and said "Do you trust me"? I wished then that I could just think the answer to her for there was zero doubt in my mind about it, but I realized that when she had made her eyes more human, she had returned also us to a more normalized mode of communication. I just meekly replied "Yes", and her eyes glowed for just a spark of a second, and she said "Yes, I know you do". She smiled and carried on by saying
"There are ways for you to lose your fears of altering your state of reality", and she smiled again and said
"I should say enhancing and expanding your consciousness!". Then she started laughing! "Next time you have the feeling within a dream that it may be a dream, don't panic like you have been! Don't try to awaken from it. Remember, if you can, your trust in me, or at least trust within yourself... It won't be so easy to do in a dream as it is to think about consciously though! I will be back to teach you much much more, but one step at a time... and remember this too...if you are confused about whether you are still in a dream or have awoken into concensus reality, try to look at your alarm clock and read the time on it. If you cannot, you are still in the dream....see ya!". And she disappeared.

 

Yeah, I think so, and sometimes in rather odd ways...

I couldn't get her off of my mind after that. I thought about things she had said, but I couldn't understand what she meant about "enhanced and expanded consciousness".. I tried to analyze that, but I just couldn't figure it out...and then, why did she laugh after saying that? She did call me "not the brightest of all humans" as well, and while I knew she was somewhat teasing, I am bright enough to know that most teasing has an element of truth to it. And why did she appear to me? And what did she mean by saying that other humans would also become a part of "this"? I found all of this very confusing! Still, I knew that I did trust her. I thought about how she had changed from direct thought communication, to verbalizing, before asking me about trust. My best guess was that when I would have thought back to her, it would have also included the idea that I had fallen hopelessly in love with her, and that that was not something she was encouraging. And what about this idea of not panicking in these dreams? Would that be possible? After all, it is like she said: To think this while awake is easy, but to think it while dreaming on purpose? I wasn't so sure...I also wondered "Is this her true form? She looked similar both times I saw her, but not quite the same either, and what about the human girl I had met ? She seemed to have the same sort of something in her eyes..and what about...well I just wondered on and on...

The dreams did change, though. I still couldn't stop the panic and frustration fully, but what she had said about looking at the alarm clock to see if I could see it and tell the time, really did work for me. It didn't eliminate the frustration, but it did lessen it considerably. The content of the dreams changed as well, but not for the better! Yes, they were not so benign as most had been before, and they did seem more meaningful, but I kept getting lost in them, and that also caused fear and panic. I would often enter a building, get lost, then finally find my way back out, but then not be able to find my car, and that really frustrated me, as well...

I thought about this for a long time and then, One spring day I was out playing in my vegetable garden, and I just laid in the dirt and looked up into the sky. I saw a White Eagle flying high overhead. It gave out an Eagle scream and I watched it fly off into the distance. I closed my eyes and wondered ( I had been wondering so much about so many things lately, now just one more, I guess).. As I lay there I felt a presence sort of saturate my body. It seemed to be within every fiber of my being. I knew it was HER! She said, "You really should eat more tomatoes, or tomato based foods. Pickles would be good as well, and maybe a little hot pepper, and some garlic--just a suggestion, my love, why don't you open your eyes now"?

I opened my eyes and it was like I was in an entirely different world. Somewhere in deep space. It was like she had created separation between us again and I was looking into her eyes and could see nothing else in the world whatsoever. She said "See, you are looking into my real eyes now. Isn't it very strange to you"? Well, I sure couldn't argue that point! Then she continued "This is even weirder than your dreams, now, isn't it, love"?
Again, no argument. "But you are not scared now, you are not panicking; Why do you think that is?".

I felt myself blush. I didn't know what she was telling me, but I could feel a fire rush through my body like I had never felt before...I thought 'Why am I so embarrassed, my face must be redder than the tomatoes she was advising me to eat more of'. That silly thought seemed to crack her up and she started laughing so hard
that it made me laugh too. Then she said "You know, I kind of like you! For a human, you are not all that bad, even if not so bright!"! She turned into the beautiful girl again and I saw her eyes were dancing with delight again. Then she said "It may not seem to you like you are making progress within your dreams, but you are. You need to be patient with this. If you really DO trust me, that is". I replied that I really did trust her, and she was very fast to put a finger against my chest, and I knew she meant to not take those feelings any further. “One step at a time, dear love, one step at a time”..Then she said something so completely obscure that I had no idea what to think of it. “See how the White Eagle flies, become the White Eagle.

Dream your dreams, be your dreams, don’t let your dreams go, don’t settle, don’t believe so very foolishly that the consensus reality around you is all that there is!”. I said “But it is all I know”. She replied “No it is not! You know your dreams, too. Even if you don’t understand them yet, and even if that lack of understandng frustrates you, they are still a part of the greater totality, the greater reality of that which you are!”. She smiled very sweetly and added “Don’t be afraid to be different than the masses, ok?. I must go for now, but next time I come, I will take you back in time just a little. It just may help you to understand a little bit better than you do right now". ...

 

I can't really say when it first started. I can say that yes, it is ongoing. At that time, I think she was telling me to to "spice" things up a might (and I think she meant mentally and internally.) That was just really for me, though. Someone else's physical or Spiritual diet may be quite different. Someone oddly close to me from time to time once said to me that one person's diet of the moment may be just right for them but poison for another
at the same time, and I have inclinations to believe this.

So, sometimes, I wonder what RG would like me to say or how to react to someone new. I like you, "HolySmoke" - I like your interest in the story, and your questions.
Sometimes, I think, this means a lot.

O, I should remember that "one sentence!" shouldn't I? When she asked me to close my eyes and not speak, it was like we could communicate purely by thoughts and without words. It was really exhilarating to me, but then she decided to go back to mmunications involving spoken words. Kinda, I think, like a sort of expansion thing. Meaning that we can take this on many multilevels, and it's always going to be cool, but we are not confined to any singular set of wants or needs.

 

Of course, I am happy if you enjoy the experiences and find insight in them. Very happy.

"RG" just stands for "Reality Girl" which is what I call her.

I will relate more of the experiences here as I have recorded them. At this point she was
helping to introduce me to lucid dreaming and to open my mind to different ways of viewing reality.

It's been a few months since any of these episodes, but just like you mentioned above, I guess I still do confer with her and try to consider what she would think of my words and actions.




I thought about what she'd said. Why more acidic foods, why more hot and spicy? Was she saying I had gotten too lazy and complacent? Or was it just a dietary suggestion, that I was reading something more into? Anyway, whatever she meant, the dreams did change some more. In one dream I was walking along in the dark without a clue of where I was, but I had a little hat on that shined a tiny light and it helped to guide the way. In another, I went too far in a wrong direction, and I knew it, so I turned around. When I did, I saw that the road had been really hard and all uphill, but to turn around was easy and a downhill run. This was one of the first dreams where I sort of realized that I was actually dreaming, but I could actively participate within the dream. As I realized this, everything got super colorful, intense, and vivid. I knew it was a dream and yet I didn't panic or want to leave it. I thought "I can look to the clock, and not see it, but I still realize that if I really wanted to, I could". That was so cool! I started to run and jump down the hill, and then I started to fly! Something in my mind stopped the flight though. Kinda like 'this is cool and all, but it is not yet time to get this carried a way'. Very weird, but hey, I was getting used to the very weird by then. It almost seemed to be getting normal to be weird. It felt like a blind jump into an abyss, but it also felt, and smelled like freedom to me. I was having such an enjoyable time, but then I came across a crossway. There was a super Hi-Tech train waiting to give me a ride to a very pleasurable place, but I thought "naw, I don't want to go that way", so I let the train go on in it's own way and crossed the tracks, instead, so to keep going back to an earlier crossroad. There, there was a building and I went in.

Inside of the building, I saw three guys. One seemed to be in charge and I said "I am looking for a way home, but I don't know which direction to go in". He replied "Why don't you ask someone who cares?". OK, so I went to the next guy and asked. He said "Go ask him", as he gestured to the third guy. So, I asked the third guy. He was reading a newspaper article at the time, and I looked at it and gasped. I saw the picture of a gorgeous girl who I thought i was in love with at the time, and the caption read, "Girl dies from choking while eating popcorn".

This completely shook me. In my daze, he took me over to a big map of the area on the wall, and pointed out the direction I should take. I looked in dazed disbelief, as he pointed the exact same direction as the hi-tech train would have taken me. I said "Umm', No thank you, I guess I will just try to find my own path, I guess".

I left the building confused and hurt and dazed and climbed up a cliff in the total opposite direction, and just sat there and thought for a while.

It is amazing what being alone
on a high point in nature can do for you
It sort of brings into a broader overview

Opens the mind to higher and wider views
than can be contained
in the overtures preluding

one's smaller world views...
(just some thoughts brought on by the prevailing
winds within my mind at the time)...

And then I fell asleep....within my sleep.
And dreamed a deeper dream, and within
the deeper dream, she came again to me...

In this deeper dream, she took my hand, and had me sit upright. I knew I was sleeping and not really physically doing this, but it was alright. She said "This time, darling, you tell me what the dream is telling you"? I said "I think some people don't care about helping me, I think some people just want to tell me to follow some religion or ideology, and I think some people want to tell me what they think is important really is". She looked up at the sky and said "Why don't you forget about judging other people's intents and just focus on your own? You saw enough within the dream, to show you to try to find your own way, or didn't you?. Don't read into it what is not there, baby".

I felt myself get all embarrassed again, and I felt that same wildfire run through my body.

Then she said "What about the girl you were so infatuated with?". I said "I know that the dream wasn't saying she really died, but that what I thought was love was just superficial infatuation because of her appearance, and that infatuation just based on appearance is nothing more than just that, and that I should not read into that what is not there, either". She smiled, that super-sweet smile she has and I felt very happy. She said "Maybe you are capable of learning, yet".

I said "Is this what you meant by taking me back in time?". She replied "Just a beginning, sweetheart, just a beginning"..

 

After that, the dreams got even more confusing. Sometimes I panicked
and was so unsure if it was dream or real, and even when I knew it
was "real" by consensual standards, I was thinking it was not even close
to the fullness of what reality can truly be. I thought that there could not
be a reality beyond, and yet I had seen it, I had felt it, it had
encompassed me. I felt close to the brink of insanity.

And then she came to me again. She said "You really do have to push this
hard if you want to gain the next level, dear. You really do have to go
beyond the normally accepted confines of humanity, you really do!".

I said "Look, I try to be nice, I try to care, I try to do right"....she looked
me in the eye with a very piercing glare that just reverberated through
and through me, and said "That is a start, alright, but only a start!"!

Then she said "I told you I would take you back in time. I will. You are
now only a baby facing a new reality. When you were first born in this
life, you were also a baby facing a new reality. I will eventually take you
much further back in time than this as well! Do you trust me to do this?"?
I just replied "Yes".

She smiled that sweet, sweet smile once again, and said "Concepts are
only concepts, sweetheart, don't mistake them for realities"!

 

This time she didn't disappear, but she stayed there by my side. She said "Do you remember when you were just 2 or 3 years old"? "Yes, a little bit, vaguely". "Well, you started having dreams then about animals and monsters, whether you remember them or not. Sometimes they were good dreams and the animals were your helpers, but sometimes they were very scary dreams as well". I did kind of remember some of them and I knew she was right. "These dreams were a way for your mind to relate to the emotions that were developing inside of you. It is a part of the growth process of a human being to develop and learn how to deal with these emotions. I am here to help you with that. Humans are highly creative beings, but they get very very easily misled and confused by their own creations." I asked her if emotions were a bad thing, and she replied "Oh NO dear, they are what gives the world color and excitement, but they can be very destructive and harmful as well. That is why you had both the good dreams and the bad dreams. Both the good and the bad are your teachers. It is up to you to learn the lessons. You sleep now, I will be back." In a way, I realized that she was always there for me, even at the times I didn't see or hear her. Very interesting. Very nice.

@ Sumone & Holy Smoke. RG may have brought a lot of newness of thought to me and it might also seem scary sometimes, but she also brings one of the greatest gifts that can ever be brought to mankind, which is the gift of non-fear. I really appreciate the thoughtful feedback, btw.

 

I never read any of Joseph Campbell's books but I used to watch his interviews with Bill Moyers on PBS and found them fascinating. Hmmm' have you ever read anything by Clarissa Pinkola Estes? Feel free to relate any stories and experiences either here or on another thread if you like. Also feel free to talk of the books andor authors that you like in this regard. That is the potential power of internet forums. We have hardly explored that yet I don't think.

After that I started talking with other people about their dreams, and I could see how she was right about so many dream happenings being about the mind trying to cope with difficult emotional situations. I tried to read in books about what these dreams may mean, but none of it made all that much sense to me. Some people seemed to never remember their dreams, which was odd to me, but these people seemed happy to live their lives in a way that didn't bring my mind much satisfaction. I liked them and they liked me, but there was what seemed to me, to be, a lack of a deeper connectivity that seemed to be kinda sad to me. I would visit with people and they would be all so happy over a new car or something new in their house or some such thing, and I kept a happy face, but was so glad to get away from them, because I felt so confined and constrained by the very same things that they seemed to hold so dear. Then she came to me again. I was watching a bug crawl along and doing its thing. It was on a cement floor in a factory. It crawled right up to a crack in the floor and whoops! It fell right in! It looked comical, and a moment later the bug crawled right out as if nothing had happened! I just started laughing so hard, I couldn't stop. It totally "cracked" me up!

That is when she appeared in a breath-taking black bathing suit and her beauty just simply stunned my eyes! She said "Do you think I and the bug and you are all so different then"? "Huh"?, I stammered.
"You are such a baby, baby", she said as she was laughing - kinda like I had been laughing at the "ant"tics of the bug! (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun). She said "This is a good sign! You are lightening up a little and seeing the beauties of this incredible Universe in a new and different light, now aren't you, darling?"?

I guess I was! I felt a connection with a bug that I couldn't feel with most humans. It made me laugh, but it also made me think and wonder too...
I remembered the caterpillar, the rose, the tree, and I felt such a connectedness, and she said "Yes, darling, you are starting to see things differently", and I knew I was. It was an experiential thing, not so much a word thing, but it was like my small world had been blown apart. Maybe like an atom must feel like when a nuclear fission happens, but she said "What you feel is just a letting go of the smallness, the feelings of being separated from the wholeness; Now you can become a something much more free....".

Again, I didn't understand her words, and I was very confused, and I just looked very lovingly into her eyes, and her eyes turned a firey red and orange flames shot out, and a White Hot Heat overtook my body, and she just simply said "Don't do that"...

I have no idea what possessed me, but I said "Doesn't Nuclear Fusion happen,as well?", and she just smiled again, and said "Yes, of course it does, but there are other things that go beyond that, too."!
Somehow, that gave me a very new and good feeling...