reading people = freaking them out
- Thread starter lola
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he he he. Optionally. This is exactly why I think you INFJs are more dangerous than INTJs.
I think Fi-doms are more adept at picking up these cues, especially ISFPs.
INFJs are more likely to be inductive and look for things they see in themselves, thus project their own thoughts and feelings (often correctly) onto other people. But present them with an unfamiliar object (NTs, for example) and all their credibility goes out of the window.
Reading, as in, their thoughts, emotions, and motives. And putting the pieces together to draw a picture in your head of who they are.
Hmm. I just lost all confidence in my ability to read people. This whole concept of projection befuddles me, although I can see how it happens. People like me get caught up in our own emotions and can't see what others are like.
I'm a people watcher, and I would consider myself a pretty good judge of character. Thing is, people do not like to have their character judged(in my experience) so I usually keep my opinions to myself. That and the chance of being proven wrong in public would be embarrassing.
This happens to me a lot, but I don't like it when people freak out when I do it. If people get that way I simply give them an example of something that I've experienced that makes me able to understand where they're coming from and what they're feeling.
I've had a very full life for a 26 year old, and I don't have any kind of scary 6th sense, just life experiences.
I've had a very full life for a 26 year old, and I don't have any kind of scary 6th sense, just life experiences.
This is an interesting thread! I'm simply loving this forum - everyone has so many interesting thoughts to share and build from, thank you. 
I've often been told I'm good at reading people in general. I don't think it is a special mysterious INFJ ability though it is possible some aspects of our type might lend themselves to an inherent tendency to observe people and draw conclusions (both right and wrong) faster and with less direct input than some other types.
For example, an extroverted type might use polite and social conversation to draw out information and make decisions on the person they are talking to, be it S-type hard-facts or more emotionally related subjects. The person spoken to isn't creeped out because this investigation happens right there in front of them in a linear fashion. I think what makes INFJ's "reading people ability" seem creepy is we use the silent Ni to absorb all kinds of information and cues. The N is great at connecting dots and filling in gaps and drawing conclusions based on similar situations and personal experience. It happens in the introverted manner so no one sees us do it. If we use this information in front of this person (i.e. start saying things that reveal what we've guessed about this person) it sure seems creepy since the person thinks they didn't give us that information.
As others have pointed out, we're not always good at this. Remember, we're able to justify just about anything because we can see so many sides to things all at once, for good or bad - particularly if we really WANT to like or dislike someone!hwell: Other things influence this "ability", like personal maturity enough to bring to the subconscious just how it is we are able to do something, at which point we can hone it like any other tool just like a well-trained counselor might. Also time - the more time we have, the better conclusions we can draw. Again, personal awareness and time apply to all traits.
I don't know all the types very well off the top of my head and how they interact or perceive others. If we were to divide this information gathering between S and N types, I'd say we make the same mistakes, just in totally different ways.
Personally, many of the S-types I know are more apt to take people at face-value; in the extreme this can turn out to be bad judgment in failing discover information about a person that might make the S-type see them in a different light. My dad (an ISTJ), for instance won't believe any information he doesn't witness himself and so will trust someone long after the N-types in the family have connected dots he just cannot connect without concrete facts or lines of thinking. A recent ex of mine was the same way. On the one hand I found it refreshing because often my N-type mind is so busy perceiving possible faults that I feel I'm making it hard for myself to LIKE people. Meanwhile she's very cut-and-dry with her concrete info. But just like they feel blindsided when suddenly given definitive proof that the way they judged someone was wrong, so do I as an N-type feel totally slammed when I worked myself up over deciding someone was a certain way when they were not.
If it seems we have a tendency to be correct in our reading of people, I think its due to two factors: 1) I don't know about you but because I fear social rejection so much I generally make pretty damn sure I am guessing correctly before I say something "exposing of personality" to someone. I think many of us have this tendency, so it could be we appear right all the time because we only step forward when we're really that sure. And it isn't always a conscious decision. 2) We are N-types; we are CONSTANTLY drawing and re-drawing conclusions in our heads, running at a galactic pace. Where the brains of S-types are run by a singular hamster wheel of mighty proportions, driven by an organized and efficient team; the N-type brain is a cluster-#%$@ Rube-Goldberg device of many hamsters in many wheels running in multiple directions, all connected by a dizzying array of flywheels. What the hell was my point? :shocked:
I have too many hamsters.
Ultimately I don't think this has really been studied in any significant or formal fashion to prove it one way or the other. On this forum we can only draw from our narrow slice of INFJ experience. Personally I do think INFJs have an in-built advantage for reading people (we aren't called "the Counselors" for nothing!) just as other types are way better at other things, but we don't own it completely and don't all do it to the same degree.
I've often been told I'm good at reading people in general. I don't think it is a special mysterious INFJ ability though it is possible some aspects of our type might lend themselves to an inherent tendency to observe people and draw conclusions (both right and wrong) faster and with less direct input than some other types.
For example, an extroverted type might use polite and social conversation to draw out information and make decisions on the person they are talking to, be it S-type hard-facts or more emotionally related subjects. The person spoken to isn't creeped out because this investigation happens right there in front of them in a linear fashion. I think what makes INFJ's "reading people ability" seem creepy is we use the silent Ni to absorb all kinds of information and cues. The N is great at connecting dots and filling in gaps and drawing conclusions based on similar situations and personal experience. It happens in the introverted manner so no one sees us do it. If we use this information in front of this person (i.e. start saying things that reveal what we've guessed about this person) it sure seems creepy since the person thinks they didn't give us that information.
As others have pointed out, we're not always good at this. Remember, we're able to justify just about anything because we can see so many sides to things all at once, for good or bad - particularly if we really WANT to like or dislike someone!
hwell: Other things influence this "ability", like personal maturity enough to bring to the subconscious just how it is we are able to do something, at which point we can hone it like any other tool just like a well-trained counselor might. Also time - the more time we have, the better conclusions we can draw. Again, personal awareness and time apply to all traits.I don't know all the types very well off the top of my head and how they interact or perceive others. If we were to divide this information gathering between S and N types, I'd say we make the same mistakes, just in totally different ways.
Personally, many of the S-types I know are more apt to take people at face-value; in the extreme this can turn out to be bad judgment in failing discover information about a person that might make the S-type see them in a different light. My dad (an ISTJ), for instance won't believe any information he doesn't witness himself and so will trust someone long after the N-types in the family have connected dots he just cannot connect without concrete facts or lines of thinking. A recent ex of mine was the same way. On the one hand I found it refreshing because often my N-type mind is so busy perceiving possible faults that I feel I'm making it hard for myself to LIKE people. Meanwhile she's very cut-and-dry with her concrete info. But just like they feel blindsided when suddenly given definitive proof that the way they judged someone was wrong, so do I as an N-type feel totally slammed when I worked myself up over deciding someone was a certain way when they were not.
If it seems we have a tendency to be correct in our reading of people, I think its due to two factors: 1) I don't know about you but because I fear social rejection so much I generally make pretty damn sure I am guessing correctly before I say something "exposing of personality" to someone. I think many of us have this tendency, so it could be we appear right all the time because we only step forward when we're really that sure. And it isn't always a conscious decision. 2) We are N-types; we are CONSTANTLY drawing and re-drawing conclusions in our heads, running at a galactic pace. Where the brains of S-types are run by a singular hamster wheel of mighty proportions, driven by an organized and efficient team; the N-type brain is a cluster-#%$@ Rube-Goldberg device of many hamsters in many wheels running in multiple directions, all connected by a dizzying array of flywheels. What the hell was my point? :shocked:
I have too many hamsters.
Ultimately I don't think this has really been studied in any significant or formal fashion to prove it one way or the other. On this forum we can only draw from our narrow slice of INFJ experience. Personally I do think INFJs have an in-built advantage for reading people (we aren't called "the Counselors" for nothing!) just as other types are way better at other things, but we don't own it completely and don't all do it to the same degree.
Personally speaking, I don't know many people like me around where I live so I can't say for sure if they are INFJ's or not, but I will say that reading people has never been as difficult for me as it can be for some of the people I know. At times its felt like reading other people has been easier than reading myself.
Individually or big/small groups, doesn't matter much. It's come to the point where people I have just met ask me what I do and why, in my answer I have to leave out the biggest part of it because when I say, "I can usually paint a pretty accurate picture of people after a very short time of knowing them" they usually want me to tell them what I've seen in talking with them.
Now to say that INFJ's, or any other type, have a greater propensity than others to be correct in their "reads" of people is ridiculous. I think that INFJ's may have a slight advantage when it comes to seeing things others may not, but that doesn't always mean we'll be right.
Anyone can project their own feelings or thoughts onto another person or get feelings about someone they're talking to regardless of knowing why. I think what is impressive at times is when people connect the dots, objectively look at, and ultimately gather very much information from very few words. Not many people I know can do that. And it hasn't always been something easy for me, either. Not until I was about 17 and coming out of my socially-phobic shell that I realized I was only a little better at this than others.
I think it is a matter of experience and practice. Anyone can do it, they just have to try.
Individually or big/small groups, doesn't matter much. It's come to the point where people I have just met ask me what I do and why, in my answer I have to leave out the biggest part of it because when I say, "I can usually paint a pretty accurate picture of people after a very short time of knowing them" they usually want me to tell them what I've seen in talking with them.
Now to say that INFJ's, or any other type, have a greater propensity than others to be correct in their "reads" of people is ridiculous. I think that INFJ's may have a slight advantage when it comes to seeing things others may not, but that doesn't always mean we'll be right.
Anyone can project their own feelings or thoughts onto another person or get feelings about someone they're talking to regardless of knowing why. I think what is impressive at times is when people connect the dots, objectively look at, and ultimately gather very much information from very few words. Not many people I know can do that. And it hasn't always been something easy for me, either. Not until I was about 17 and coming out of my socially-phobic shell that I realized I was only a little better at this than others.
I think it is a matter of experience and practice. Anyone can do it, they just have to try.