Hey all,
I need some advice. I'll lay out the events as they've unfolded so far, and you guys can tell me what you think. Hope you guys like novels!
So I'm interested in this INFJ girl. She is one of my friend's roommates. I've been curious about her for awhile, but opportunity never really presented itself until recently. My friend came over to hang out one day and brought her along. We mostly played night games and then chatted in the park with a big group of people. She is really charming and kind, so naturally most of the guys were hovering around her.
Later, somehow I heard from a friend that she had said something along the lines of "I could see myself dating Desmond" or somehow expressed interest in me. Well, I had been thinking of asking her out, and once I heard this I knew I had to. So I asked her out and she said yes.
Fast forward to the date. We went to this arcade/bowling/minigolf place. The chemistry seemed great between us, she is really easy to talk to, she smiles and laughs at me a lot, she seems comfortable (sitting in the car with her legs up on the seat, for example) around me. However, I noticed that when I dropped her off at her house, she seemed to just give me a quick hug and bolt inside.
A few days later, I text her inviting her to come on a little canyon cruise with me in the convertible. She comes along, and its just us. We talk about our families, likes, dislikes, relationships...I even teach her to drive stick in a parking lot after the drive. Things are great. However, once again I drop her off at the door and she gives me a quick hug and then bolts inside.
Later that night, she texts me saying her and her sister are watching a movie if I wanted to come over. I say sure, I'll be there in ten or so. Now TAKE NOTE, on the canyon drive we had both expressed how we couldnt understand the way some people can have these makeout sessions and cuddle sessions without being invested or having any feelings for the other person. So I figured if we cuddled tonight during the movie, it would have to mean something to her.
Well, I go over and the whole time she has her hand resting on her thigh, and I know she wants me to take it, but I'm a bit nervous. Well, halfway through the movie, she goes and grabs a blanket, and when she comes back I put my arm out, and she snuggles up really close to me, and things are great! Physical touch is huge to me, and I know its huge to her too. However, after the movie, we talk for a few minutes, and then I mention I should get home. She walks me out the door, gives me another quick hug, and then takes off.
Fast forward another 5 days or so. I take her on a date to see a play. Things are good, I can tell she enjoys the play and stuff. The seats are theater style with arm rests between, so not ideal for getting really intimate or cuddling, but I do notice that she sits in such a way that her body is always turned towards me. A few times I reach over and rest my hand on her knee, because I want to feel that physical connection somehow, and she doesnt seem to mind it.
After the play, I take her to a local park, and we walk around and talk about all sorts of stuff. Why we think the world is the way it is, whether people are inherently good or bad, what should be done about the bum problem in the city...I really look for a girl who can get deep and talk about these things with me, and she is all about it. We also talk past relationships, and I find out most of hers usually last a month is all, and its usually the guys that end it. She claims she usually goes for douchebag guys and always ends up getting hurt.
I ask her what she looks for in a companion, and surprisingly she legitimately cant seem to give me an answer. I dont think shes being mysterious or hiding anything, I truly believe she has never given it serious thought. Its no wonder about her past relationships. Anyways, I share what I value in a partner, and she seems to accept it. By now Im finally starting to feel a connection with her, like im starting really see who she is.
I drove her home, and I was really considering kissing her. I had heard her friend tell me once that most guys kiss her after the first date, and that she didnt like that. Well, this is technically the 3rd, so I figure maybe now is the time to show her that shes important to me. We get to the doorstep scene, and I give her a big hug, and she reciprocates for the most part, but as soon as I let go, she bolts for the door again.
I cant stand the mixed signals, so I finally text her and say "If im honest, I'm having a hard time reading you." She replies "what do you mean?". I say "I just cant tell if you're interested or if you're just really nice". Here's her response: "Is it bad if I say I'm not sure? Since I don't have the best track record, I'm trying to be a little more pragmatic..."
I respond "No thats not bad. Thats kind of the feeling I got." After not receiving any kind of answer for a little while, I decide to write "Well I'll just say this: I feel like we could work really well". She simply replies "
"
So thats pretty much where things are at. It was her roomates birthday, so we all watched a movie. Me and this INFJ girl ended up on the floor next to each other, lying down. No attempts to cuddle were made on either of our parts, but I noticed that she did lay pretty close to me, and her body language seemed to convey interest. Like, she shifted to lay on her side, facing me, and her hands were really close to me. The tension was absolutely killing me, to be honest. I just wanted to hold her, but I didnt dare make a move because I hear INFJs can be sensitive with PDA, besides the fact that we're just not that far yet.
ANYWAYS, so now I'm at a loss. Should I sit back and let her pursue me a bit? Should I ask her on another date? I would love to get her alone again and just talk some more. I feel like thats the best way we can reallly connect. Whats up with the avoiding the kissing? It seems like she gave ample opportunity to these past guys that kiss on the first date, but with me its like she doesnt want to give any chances for it...
You guys think she is interested, or am I just wasting my time? I really like her, and I am Mr archetypal helpless romantic INFP, so I can't stop thinking about her, and its not that often I feel this way about someone, so it drives me crazy to just sit her and wait, but if thats my best bet...
I need some advice. I'll lay out the events as they've unfolded so far, and you guys can tell me what you think. Hope you guys like novels!
So I'm interested in this INFJ girl. She is one of my friend's roommates. I've been curious about her for awhile, but opportunity never really presented itself until recently. My friend came over to hang out one day and brought her along. We mostly played night games and then chatted in the park with a big group of people. She is really charming and kind, so naturally most of the guys were hovering around her.
Later, somehow I heard from a friend that she had said something along the lines of "I could see myself dating Desmond" or somehow expressed interest in me. Well, I had been thinking of asking her out, and once I heard this I knew I had to. So I asked her out and she said yes.
Fast forward to the date. We went to this arcade/bowling/minigolf place. The chemistry seemed great between us, she is really easy to talk to, she smiles and laughs at me a lot, she seems comfortable (sitting in the car with her legs up on the seat, for example) around me. However, I noticed that when I dropped her off at her house, she seemed to just give me a quick hug and bolt inside.
A few days later, I text her inviting her to come on a little canyon cruise with me in the convertible. She comes along, and its just us. We talk about our families, likes, dislikes, relationships...I even teach her to drive stick in a parking lot after the drive. Things are great. However, once again I drop her off at the door and she gives me a quick hug and then bolts inside.
Later that night, she texts me saying her and her sister are watching a movie if I wanted to come over. I say sure, I'll be there in ten or so. Now TAKE NOTE, on the canyon drive we had both expressed how we couldnt understand the way some people can have these makeout sessions and cuddle sessions without being invested or having any feelings for the other person. So I figured if we cuddled tonight during the movie, it would have to mean something to her.
Well, I go over and the whole time she has her hand resting on her thigh, and I know she wants me to take it, but I'm a bit nervous. Well, halfway through the movie, she goes and grabs a blanket, and when she comes back I put my arm out, and she snuggles up really close to me, and things are great! Physical touch is huge to me, and I know its huge to her too. However, after the movie, we talk for a few minutes, and then I mention I should get home. She walks me out the door, gives me another quick hug, and then takes off.
Fast forward another 5 days or so. I take her on a date to see a play. Things are good, I can tell she enjoys the play and stuff. The seats are theater style with arm rests between, so not ideal for getting really intimate or cuddling, but I do notice that she sits in such a way that her body is always turned towards me. A few times I reach over and rest my hand on her knee, because I want to feel that physical connection somehow, and she doesnt seem to mind it.
After the play, I take her to a local park, and we walk around and talk about all sorts of stuff. Why we think the world is the way it is, whether people are inherently good or bad, what should be done about the bum problem in the city...I really look for a girl who can get deep and talk about these things with me, and she is all about it. We also talk past relationships, and I find out most of hers usually last a month is all, and its usually the guys that end it. She claims she usually goes for douchebag guys and always ends up getting hurt.
I ask her what she looks for in a companion, and surprisingly she legitimately cant seem to give me an answer. I dont think shes being mysterious or hiding anything, I truly believe she has never given it serious thought. Its no wonder about her past relationships. Anyways, I share what I value in a partner, and she seems to accept it. By now Im finally starting to feel a connection with her, like im starting really see who she is.
I drove her home, and I was really considering kissing her. I had heard her friend tell me once that most guys kiss her after the first date, and that she didnt like that. Well, this is technically the 3rd, so I figure maybe now is the time to show her that shes important to me. We get to the doorstep scene, and I give her a big hug, and she reciprocates for the most part, but as soon as I let go, she bolts for the door again.
I cant stand the mixed signals, so I finally text her and say "If im honest, I'm having a hard time reading you." She replies "what do you mean?". I say "I just cant tell if you're interested or if you're just really nice". Here's her response: "Is it bad if I say I'm not sure? Since I don't have the best track record, I'm trying to be a little more pragmatic..."
I respond "No thats not bad. Thats kind of the feeling I got." After not receiving any kind of answer for a little while, I decide to write "Well I'll just say this: I feel like we could work really well". She simply replies "
"So thats pretty much where things are at. It was her roomates birthday, so we all watched a movie. Me and this INFJ girl ended up on the floor next to each other, lying down. No attempts to cuddle were made on either of our parts, but I noticed that she did lay pretty close to me, and her body language seemed to convey interest. Like, she shifted to lay on her side, facing me, and her hands were really close to me. The tension was absolutely killing me, to be honest. I just wanted to hold her, but I didnt dare make a move because I hear INFJs can be sensitive with PDA, besides the fact that we're just not that far yet.
ANYWAYS, so now I'm at a loss. Should I sit back and let her pursue me a bit? Should I ask her on another date? I would love to get her alone again and just talk some more. I feel like thats the best way we can reallly connect. Whats up with the avoiding the kissing? It seems like she gave ample opportunity to these past guys that kiss on the first date, but with me its like she doesnt want to give any chances for it...
You guys think she is interested, or am I just wasting my time? I really like her, and I am Mr archetypal helpless romantic INFP, so I can't stop thinking about her, and its not that often I feel this way about someone, so it drives me crazy to just sit her and wait, but if thats my best bet...
My long and suffering poor hubby (now) proposed three times in the 9 years we were together before I finally said, "YES." Clearly I had issues! 
"
I'll get there.