Pretended to be the opposite gender online | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Pretended to be the opposite gender online

Caelum said:
Fellow INFJ's I need some guidance and opinions.

So a few years ago, I started playing an online game and came up with an idea to pretend to be a girl (I'm a guy) as a funny social experiment. Well, long story short, I was so intrigued by it that my false online identity lasted for nearly 2 years. It was all fun and games until someone started falling for this false character I've created. I poked flirtations at him and I appeared receptive to his advances, and this is where I realized I've made a terrible, terrible mistake. (Disclaimer: I'm completely straight) He spent nearly 2 years of emotion on my false identity, but NOT to the point where it became an online/long distance relationship. Eventually, I disappeared from this character, hoping to leave it all behind and maybe he'd forget, but I felt a nag. A nag to reveal the truth, as I felt it was the righteous thing to do. So I re-joined the online game, but this time as my true self and I befriended him to support him mentally and emotionally, and to eventually reveal the truth.

Now winding forward to the present, I had just revealed the truth to him on Skype message. He's shattered by it, unsurprisingly, and doesn't know what to feel or do about it all. I offered to continue to offer him moral support, and he says he doesn't wish for me to talk to him, but at the same time he doesn't want me to cut off contact, saying I'm a coward if I do. He has had me (the real me) added on a couple social media outlets, but I have since blocked and removed him from them out of fear he could retaliate in an extreme way. Skype is our only form of communication at the moment.

I'm simultaneously relieved that I finally told the truth, but still guilt stricken with sadness and regret, and I'm also a little paranoid he could do something to harm himself, or me.

Should I just let the ties cutoff completely just to be safe among other things, or am I still in karmic debt and that I should continue to be open for him in case he forgives me and accepts my offer of support?

Bonus question: What would YOU do if you hopelessly invested a lot of emotion on someone for two years only to find out they never existed, and were the same gender.

Also, he tested as INFP(during one year) and ISTJ the next year when he took one of the MBTI tests, if any of this helps. (I feel he's more INFP)
Click to expand...

Blocking him after adding him because you're afraid he'll get upset... after doing it for two years. Try to see what that shows about how you treat people and integrate, and you'll get more attention where you won't have to deceive and probably feel better too. The 'karmic debt' is the attitude belied by the behavior which will manifest in other ways in the future. Questioning which gender you identify with isn't the cause of the problem, but how you strung him along for two years and then went out of your way to reveal it... ie, the thing that would cause the most pain. Karma comes into play more clearly when you do it to somebody less forgiving.
 
Last edited:
reminds me of that mtv show - catfish. at the end of the day if the character was created out of personal and selfish reasons and you ended up hurting someone in the process then you have no choice but to deal with it's consequences and it sounds like you did. but more importantly; why did you do it and what did you learn from it? sounds like a good social experiment with some flaws but i bet it revealed a lot of interesting aspects of opposite sex relations in this digital world. that even in the digital age - some people choose to invest their emotions and time on someone and something they have never met and experienced in real life. so both parties are kind of detached and wishing to explore something that would not have been possible in real world scenarios. this variety and possibilities are endless and that can really draw people in.
 
I would feel betrayed and never talk to them again. We all probably behave at least a little different online than in real life, but what was described by the OP sounds manipulative and deceitful. You just never know who you're dealing with online.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back