Perfectionism | INFJ Forum

Perfectionism

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Motor Jax, Jun 2, 2008.

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  1. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    the saying, "want something done right, you got to do it yourself".

    does this apply as an INFJ?


    i find myself wanting something done right and doing it myself

    any other perfectionists like this?
     
  2. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Yah, totally! The problem comes when other people interpret this as my passive way of saying that they aren't good enough, or that they are always doing something wrong. I'm not trying to get that across, but it happens anyway. That makes the perfectionism a destructive force, b/c then my empath kicks in and I'm the big bad and ugly enemy causing everyone so much internal disruption . . .
     
  3. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I've always believed that if you're going to do a job, do it right. I feel frustrated when I see people doing their work, whatever it may be, in a careless way. I have learned to sit on my hands and bite my tongue for the most part. Sometimes I go into counsel mode and 'help' them to see the advantages of doing an A-l job, going the extra mile. It's so nice when they do it and you end up almost seeing their aura change, if you will, they become brighter and happier. I'll 'guilt' some slackers into working harder by showing them how their actions effect others but the majorly bad slackers - I tell on them every time :lol:
    The really bad ones usually reveal themselves openly soon enough anywat so you really don't have to worry about them too much. They always do themselves in.
    My biggest achilles heel I think is pride and I really have to tamp it down. When someone points out to me that I've made a mistake or shows me a better way to do something my immediate reaction, if only for a millisecond is, "ME? A MISTAKE? HOW CAN THIS BE??" It's awful I know. I have become much more gracious than I used to be and can overcome it much easier and more quickly than when I was younger. I'd know it was irrational and yet I continued to battle with it. I actually enjoy those encounters now because it gives me a chance to practice humility. Mistakes are good.
    At work I'm quite a perfectionist and whistle blower to some degree but at home I'm a complete procrastinator and slob. The people at work would be astounded :oops:
     
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  4. OP
    Motor Jax

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    precisely noted, sumone

    i agree. it is the same way with me

    which leads to another topic: Overdefensiveness
     
  5. Duchess

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    *nodding along with everything said up there ^ ^ ^*

    I've been working on my perfectionism for a couple of years now - it's working slowly...I'm not quite the control freak I used to be and the words "close enough is good enough" no longer turn my blood cold (coolish...but not cold). My children haven't called me "Anal Annie" in months! lol

    I still don't understand why people don't see the importance and benefit of doing things properly (the first time!) but I'm learning to accept (slowly) that not every body sees the need for perfection in all things.

    Over the years, the place where I've encountered the biggest problem with "perfectionism" has been within my intimate relationships. The need for them (the relationship, not the man) to be perfect sent me on journey in to every relationship self-help theory or practice known to man. I "knew" everything about what it takes to make a relationship work. Problem was - most of my lovers had never heard about half of it and those that had...never grasped the importance of it all in the same way I did.

    It wasn't until last year after ending a six year relationship with a man whom I was still in love with but just couldn't "be" with, that I sat down and for the first time in my life really looked in to the part I had played in it's demise.

    What I found wasn't pretty and extremely difficult to face up to - but it was the truth. I knew then that if I didn't loosen up a little bit that I would probably end up being the eccentric old lady who lived alone with her 1000 cats.

    Self reflection is worth all the blood spilling but it can also be an awesomely humbling experience can't it?
     
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  6. sciski

    sciski Regular Poster

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    I can relate - but mine is slightly different. I can accept imperfection in others, but I cannot accept it from myself. This puts me in a state where I am always making up for being who I am... so self-acceptance is a really important thing for me to learn. And once I learn self-acceptance, then I'll be even closer to perfection! :mrgreen:
     
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  7. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    sciski this is so true for me too. I beat myself up for things that most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at.
     
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    Motor Jax

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    yea, same here. at times, i find myself judgemental about how someone does something also, like "i can do it better" kinda attitude

    like... driving... oh, there are some bad drivers out there too

    my experience, 17 yrs driving + no accidents


    but yea, i will beat myself up over something so simple if i had known i did crappy on it

    does this cause skepticism?
     
  9. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    MJ, you are a better driver than I am!! I wrecked my baby!! He was a beaut!!

    I am currently working on being greatful to my friends for assisting me with the dress/project that is due tuesday, and resisting the urge to re-sew all the beadwork they did b/c it's not as good as I would have done it . . . but that would be about six yards of work . . . and they did their very bestest . . .

    Perfectionism is my ultimate bane. That and the scatterbrained thing (which interferes with my perfectionism in THE most irritating fashion)
     
  10. Duchess

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    Was pondering the perfection thing over the weekend.....do you think it's such a bad thing to have as a character trait?

    I mean, seriously, wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone appreciated the beauty in striving to do and be the best they can? Is it really so wrong to want myself and others to apply themselves to life in a way that will most benefit us all?

    I can't get past that in my thinking....any inspiration from others is most welcome.

    When I start thinking about my desire for having things just right, I automatically start thinking that I need to let go a bit - allow others be who they are....no matter what that is. And that's all wonderful....with a bit of effort and tongue biting I can do it almost easily now.

    My real "thing" is not so much expecting other people to do and be perfect.....I', learning to understand that's just not possible (not even I can be that pure). What gets to me and causes most niggling frustration in my life these days, is when I see someone doing something or behaving in a way that I know is not "their" best. That's what drives me a little nuts and has me beating myself up when I am that person.

    What is that? Am I still beating the drum of perfection...or is it something else?

    Jax - my kids bought me a bumper sticker a few years ago that said:

    Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody but me."

    So I understand the driving thing :lol:

    Kwistalline - slightly off topic.....I've started playing around with beading and would love to try the whole sewing with them thing - will it have me gnashing my teeth and ripping wads of hair out or is it relatively easy to pick up? (okay, completely off topic - sorry :mrgreen: )
     
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  11. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Well, that would depend on how much you like crafts, whether or not you have patience, and if you are willing to sacrifice time, material, supplies, etc, to get the result you want!!

    I've sewn since I was eleven (at my grandmother's insistence), so I have fourteen years under my belt. But beadwork does not require this. You just have to have the right materials, supplies, and a good set-up (I'm using the lids of several small cardboard gift jewelry boxes). I'm currently sewing on velvet, so I have had to buy a good stabilizing material to prevent easy rip-out as the velvet experiences strain. Most materials will require a little something extra to support the material as it is pulled and moved around. Just FYI-not knowing a simple thing like that has deterred many a potential hobbyist!!
     
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