People leave INFJs

[Elegant Winter]

I think it's more common that INFJs leave people in spirit before people leave INFJs. That is to say, they silently give up or think of it (a friendship, etc) as a lost cause. Perhaps because their intuition reveals something to them that they dislike. And then Fe prevents them from bluntly stating so in many cases.

INFJs are usually very principled people with very high standards. They'll give up on many people. A lot more people than most other types. I think the difference is simply a matter of saying so. In many cases they'll give up on you, but you won't know it for a while. It's also possible that they won't know it for a while.

I haven't read the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been said.

 

[Alomoes]

I think it's more common that INFJs leave people in spirit before people leave INFJs. That is to say, they silently give up or think of it (a friendship, etc) as a lost cause. Perhaps because their intuition reveals something to them that they dislike. And then Fe prevents them from bluntly stating so in many cases.

INFJs are usually very principled people with very high standards. They'll give up on many people. A lot more people than most other types. I think the difference is simply a matter of saying so. In many cases they'll give up on you, but you won't know it for a while. It's also possible that they won't know it for a while.

I haven't read the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been said.

Oh good. Nobody here is going to read the entire thread until after they post. XD

Even then, it is a stretch. Hrrm. You know too much for an INFP. GET HIM!

 

[ineffectivelyliterate]

"... You know you're an INFJ when little, to no people stay in your life for very long, because they don't understand you, your feelings, 'nor your intensity. "

Saw this in a forum and easily related to this.
Are we THAT complicated to even stick around for or are we just destined to be loners?

It's not the other people. And if you believe it is the other people, you are externalizing your own problems upon them and not confronting your own fears, insecurities and flaws.

 

[Trifoilum]

Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible, unhealthy, or that it shouldn't be done.

It can be done, it is very possible, and I think if one wants it to happen, one should endeavor towards it.

Old answer, and I still stick by it.

It is not a simple matter of me and them--
To think that no /all parts of our personality are responsible or solely so.....
....to assume that we all make them stay or leave is....

.....putting too much responsibility either way.

We have the power to fix and improve our own life, as little as it is. You can do it. *hugs*

 

[James]

Well - I was reading this older thread, now that I have split up with my wife, and she is leaving me. I think INFJ's are hard work for others at times, we are very serious, we have high standards and we don't tolerate dishonesty or even slightly unethical behavior really. That's not all bad, but we make things tough for others if they don't reach those standards. I'm older and I've mellowed somewhat, I try to go easier on people and see the funny side of things. Also to forgive, when things are not great or people do wrong, provided it isn't cruel and repeated misbehavior.

Still we can be, warm and loving and very supportive and caring of others. My ex is seeing someone else, but I don't want to hurt her or get revenge. I'm angry and hurt, but I don't want to see her suffer and I hope things work out ok for her. I'm going to try to learn from my mistakes, and hopefully if I can find a new love at some point make a better relationship. That seems a million miles away at present, but small steps. At the very least I'm sure I can re-build a social circle and try to enjoy friendships more again.

So maybe people do leave INFJs, but they leave every other type too, when things don't work out. As long as we are aware of the issues we present to other types (communication) we are no different. Maybe it's also true that INFJ's leave people too, when things are not good. I haven't done that, but I guess anything can happen in life even with the best of intentions.

 

[Elegant Winter]

I think it's more common that INFJs leave people in spirit before people leave INFJs. That is to say, they silently give up or think of it (a friendship, etc) as a lost cause. Perhaps because their intuition reveals something to them that they dislike. And then Fe prevents them from bluntly stating so in many cases.

INFJs are usually very principled people with very high standards. They'll give up on many people. A lot more people than most other types. I think the difference is simply a matter of saying so. In many cases they'll give up on you, but you won't know it for a while. It's also possible that they won't know it for a while.

I haven't read the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been said.

Hey, it's me from a year and a half ago.

 

[dang]

Hey, it's me from a year and a half ago.

I gave up on my ex wife in 2003 and left her in 2004. Once I realized we weren't on the same page I starting preparing for change. I could never fake a marriage. Now I am single and genuinely much happier. And I am getting close to being in an awesome relationship for the first time ever. I can't wait. I finally understand that I deserve to be happy. Now I just need to live my life. I am optimistic. Yet lonely. "When will I see you again?" Wish me luck. I could really use some for a change.

 

[the]

I gave up on my ex wife in 2003 and left her in 2004. Once I realized we weren't on the same page I starting preparing for change. I could never fake a marriage. Now I am single and genuinely much happier. And I am getting close to being in an awesome relationship for the first time ever. I can't wait. I finally understand that I deserve to be happy. Now I just need to live my life. I am optimistic. Yet lonely. "When will I see you again?" Wish me luck. I could really use some for a change.

I have hope that you and Sinny will work out bro.

 

[the]

The premise of the thread is that the reason INFJs are alone is due to a fault on the others persons part. I perceive that as problematic.

 

[dang]

I have hope that you and Sinny will work out bro.

She lives in England, she is young, she doesn't care for intimacy, she gets drunk and high regularly, she thinks I am creepy, she isn't monogamous, and she talks a lot of shit. Could we be friends? Perhaps. A couple? Doubt it. But you never know. I think she could be an amazing woman one day. If she survives her 20's that is. This post will probably piss her off. Just being honest.

 

[SarahBS]

Well, I basically don't wanna get involved in people's lives anymore. a lot of people I knew before were lame, caring about fashion and boyfriends and sex and all these sort of stuff ( sorry , just my opinion), so I just stopped communication.Had 2 INTJ friends, with lots of problems but never wanted to change! I talked a lot to them but they were stuck in their misery , and I couldn't help them so I stopped it as well. Now I don't have energy for people anymore. I don't actually care. They contacted me and told me they wanted to help me! I didn't see how! so I didn't talk to them.

so yeah, I chose to be alone.and I'm enjoying it.

Now I have only one far-away friend, we talk a lot. He's the only one I wanna be around really. INTJ as well but an optimistic one

 

[invisible]

People have usually been very forgiving of my flaws and have not usually deserted me in any way that has been more noticeable to me than the regular types of fluctuations of acquaintance, although it has sometimes happened, but I think that happens to everyone. I have had a large proportion of my friends for over 20 years. I love my friends and I do what they ask me to, pretty much without reservation. Usually if people I was close to left my life it was on my own initiative because they lied to me or stole from me or disrespected my privacy repeatedly and seemingly without any remorse. Otherwise, people I have known have generally tended to stick around in my life.

I don't think I am really a person who thrives in being around other people. I think I am meant to be alone and as I get older I can't imagine having another relationship or ever being married. It seems that I am a loner. I don't really have a problem with being alone and I think it is better for other people. I think that yes, maybe there is an intense part of me that is not very good for other people to get too close to.

 

[Sunseticmonster]

stop being rude. this is a forum for infjs, anyway.

 

[Bellosome]

ummm.. i subconsciously (or maybe consciously) push people away. specially those who i think wouldn't really get me, how i perceive things and how i do things. i always preferred quality over quantity.

as to romantically speaking. LOL i don't bother anymore. if it comes, it comes. if not, okay.

 

[Sriracha]

Question if you have put effort into these relationships and that will decide if you are a loner or not. Remember "effort" is defined differently by all of us, and it is difficult for introverts to initiate. Step outside of yourself on this one, learn to initiate contact and people will stay in your life. What you believe yourself to be is what you will be ... loner or not. [MENTION=731]the[/MENTION] is still waiting to turn into Hoggle. XD

 

[Scientia]

I have never been left. I was cheated on once when I was very young but he still wanted to be with me. I was the one who left. I am in the middle of a divorce now but I initiated the separation because of his behavior, which he refused to change. Our relationship had become untenable. He would have gone on forever like it was if I hadn't said anything.

I think it depends on the person, not mbti.

 

[highlighter]

I dont think INFJs are the problem here, I think its the other types. hear me out: I believe that INFJs put 100% into a romantic relationship, there is no other type IMO that loves this deep. The problem is that yes our communication is difficult at times for the other types Especially ANY Sensor! ANY sensor! but that being said what I want is someone to try to understand me, put forth the effort and thats where I think the other types have the issue. They either cant do it, or wont do it. And does it really matter which is the reason? the result is the same the understanding it just not there. Now this is on them cause I believe that I know I have lived in the S type world and had to put everything in there concrete language. So IF an INFJ can do that why cant the other types TRY to come to our world? They get frustrated and leave or we do cause we have held on too long and I dont think INFJs ever give up, but we do lose. there is a difference between losing on the battle field of love and giving up. All I know is If your INFJ you need another N type. than you have a shot. ALso these types the leave us or make it so we leave them. They truly have no idea what they are losing...if they only knew what they had. They will never find that again.