People don't care anymore... | INFJ Forum

People don't care anymore...

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Odyne, Aug 30, 2009.

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  1. Odyne

    Odyne ===========
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    something that's been happening to me alot recently...I have had fall outs with friends and I am the only one who chooses to talk about it.

    I am the only one who tries and confronts them and tries to sort out things, but they don't, they let things fall apart and dont try to solve it...and then I appear to be the drama queen in this! ...and then after a while they come back to me as if nothing happened and act all friendly..DO NOT EXPECT TO ACT THE SAME!

    if something happened , people should talk about it, no? I hate ignoring conflicts like that, I believe we should sort things out, because then it builds up.

    does this happen to anyone here? are there people who choose to ignore?
    and why?


     
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  2. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    Oh I understand this.. Recently it has happened a lot to me also!

    I also often feel like people don't care.. I can't stand it when people act as if nothing happened. Especially after an argument. My mother for instance does this all the time. It's driving me mad! I think it's just another way of dealing with things.. But I am incapable of doing that.

    I really want to talk things through, I need it that arguments are 'solved'. I can't just ignore it if something has happened, because I keep thinking about it. But in my experience a lot of people often don't care about the 'talking' part. It gets me frustrated as well..
     
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  3. OP
    Odyne

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    yes, I am also the type who can't move on unless the argument is resolved...i just i wish i can understand why people choose to ignore...
    are they afraid?
     
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  4. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    Some people do this because they want to forget about the fight they had.
     
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  5. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I don't think in most cases it's people not caring, it's more that they don't care about the same things as we do or in the same way anyway. To them, there really is no conflict. Their life is simpler that way. shrug
     
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  6. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I also hate it when there has been an argument and it is ignored. I also need to talk things through, to make shore everybody is alright again and most of all, that they still care for me even we just had a fight

    but I also experienced that 'talking it through' is not always the answer. It doesn't always make me feal better. A lot of times when I have a disagreement with someone, talking it through doesn't ends with a solution because we both still disagree on the matter and we just have to live with it. Ignoring it and keeping it quiet seems than better than to keep bringing it up. And other times when I want to talk it through, I don't do it because I don't want to hurt anyones fealings or I don't want to distroy the new found peace.

    but still, it never feels good to me when we haven't talked about it...
     
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  7. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    When people ignore me, I assume they don't like me and am afraid to press them on it. I'm usually right that they don't like me.

    To Odyne- You seem like a really great person, and I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing. People suck though, so don't be too disappointed when they stop caring. Most people only care about themselves.
     
    #7 Faye, Aug 31, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2009
  8. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    No one cares. Get used to it.
     
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  9. efromm

    efromm Underground and breathing.
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    Its a part of life people will use and abuse you. The trick is finding the ones who won't. I try to settle conflict one way or the other if I lose a friend so be it. Its how it goes. If they come back I may befriend them again but the friendship will be different.
     
  10. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    This same thing happened to me too recently.
    UGH.
    Maybe it's stars....I should check my astrological forecast. lol.
    :m097:
     
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  11. OP
    Odyne

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    that's the explanation i've been giving myself...finding out that I am INFJ (about a month a go) made me realize that I give deeper meaning to almost everything...so what's a big deal to me may not be a big deal to other...so now I am not sure when to try to sort out hings and when to ignore, even though i hate ignoring.

    i agree, sometimes things can't/don't have to be resolved, but I think i need to have them acknowledge that there is a problem, i mean relationships begin and end everyday...it's probably the loose ends that I don't like..

    Thank you Dragon =) ....I think it's in our INFJ nature to be too sensitive :p

    yield, I am afraid "get used to it" might imply "ignore" or "numb yourself" and I can't do either..

    I am the same, I might accept their appology or accept to sort things out sincerely but i never look at them the same, the relationship is different.

    I think all in all, we can't handle conflicts too well, it bothers us that something has disturbed our perfect world's harmony

    *sigh* it IS tough to be INFJ :(
     
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  12. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    Neither can I, still working on it.
     
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  13. OP
    Odyne

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    yeah, same here, it's proving to be difficult...
     
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  14. sedna

    sedna Community Member

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    Major pet-peeve of mine. I hate when people have the nerve to insult me this way, then act as if nothing happened. It takes me a very long time to get over slights.

    I find people are more and more conflict-avoidant nowadays, with the rise of the internet and other technologies which allow them to be passive-aggressive instead of being direct, facing people, head on. It's very annoying. I've developed an extreme distaste for communicating online for this reason. I'd much rather have a face-to-face conversation.
     
  15. sassafras

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    *sigh* I'm on the other side of this equation. You see, I was the person thatno longer cared while my friends and family around me were the ones frustrated that I never came to them for help when there was still time to help. But I slapped all their outreached hands away, and couldn't be bothered to ask for the help I needed because I wanted to solve things on my own. It's a pride thing, and obviously, I have no one else to blame but myself. I just feel incredibly guilty that my suffering is spreading to the ones I care about, and I can't turn to them now and say that I need their support... because I get the "told you so's" and the "you should've asked for help earliers." It's hard to keep emotions in check when things have reached a breaking point. But I deserve every minute of it. Maybe I'll remember this pain long enough to turn my life around, and never fall back on it again.

    Ignoring things is the easy way. That's why I get so mad when people ignore their problems, or fall back on excuses. I've been there and I've done that, and I am in the middle of a rut and I'm trying to dig myself out. And it's SO much harder this way, because you're not the only one stressing. It amazes me how many people we fail to see that are there for us in our lives but we can't see them because we're busy feeling sorry for ourselves.

    And to think, it would've all ended differently if we just changed one simple thing about ourselves that would have saved us all this misery: Faced the problem. The REAL problem and stopped wasting all that energy denying it or running away.

    I don't have any advice for you, Odyne. I have a feeling, though, that whatever situation you're referring to, maybe your friend just needs some comfort and support--not an 'I told you so.'
     
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  16. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    You could say that I'm one of those people that from time to time scoops problems under the carpet just because at that moment I don't know how to handle them. If I've had a problem with someone(especially someone I care about) I may not show any reaction to an offense or an argument with someone I'll pretend as if nothing happened and just continue to treat them "nicely". However, when I get my alone time that's when I think things through and try to come up with ways that I can either solve the situation or at least face it regardless of the consequences. If someone is having an emotional problem I would sometimes appear as a cold and emotionless person but I don't do it because I don't care but because at that time a millions of emotions and thoughts are going through my mind and don't know what's the appropriate course of action I should take(for example if I should hug them in a tense and emotional situation or to just let them alone until they cool off). The more I think about an action that I should take the more nervous I get because in my head lots of things are passing by but in reality I do care, I care too much.
     
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  17. OP
    Odyne

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    Same with me, i dont like it when people discuss important matters online or on msn or something...and i really hate when confessions or break ups happen online, behind a screen instead of face to face in person. Now, i aovoid being available on the net, and try to encourage my friends to either call or meet up with me....cept for this forum ofcourse.

    It's not a matter of help, it's a matter of conflict between two friends, and unfortunately said friends chose not to speak to me...the fall out happened about 4-5 months ago, out of the blue my friends decides to ignore me and to stop talking to me (and we were close and he knows me better and knows it'll hurt me)..it was after christmas break, i still remember...he ignored all my attempts to talk to him and figure out what the hell happened...and till this day, he still ows me an explanation...
    BUT, thank you for the insight, I've been in a situation like the one you mentioned and you're right, it's the support and time and love they need, not pressure or reproach. =)

    I undertstand where you're coming from...but at least you end up acknowleding the problem and try to solve it =)
     
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  18. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    The frustration you expirence are your methods and expectations being shattered.
     
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  19. OP
    Odyne

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    well, expectations *have* been shattered i tell you
     
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  20. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Good. Now rebuild. Read my how to give advice thread.
     
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