Not capable of falling in love - Difference between romantic/strong friendship? (Part 2)

For a long time I believed that I was not capable of connecting with people on a deep level, despite wanting so much to connect with other people. Some say it’s because I keep on believing that I’m different to people, others say it’s because I have unrealistic standards for forming an emotional connection (they must have this trait etc), or that I’m just asking too much that people are willing to offer outside of a romantic relationship. All these reasons sound like they could possibly true.



I thought about my idea of friendship, and realised that in some ways, it might be similar to other people’s idea of a romantic relationship. Regardless it’s clear that I long for deep connections with people, and not being interested in friendships that don’t possess this depth of connection. Maybe I’m being unfair though for the reasons suggested in the first paragraph.

Now for the topic matter at hand. I’m really starting to believe that it might be true that I’m just not the sort of individual that falls in love with people but instead just becomes attached to them.

Ideally if I’m going to be in a relationship with someone, I want to be able to connect to them on a deep level. So, if I don’t believe that we have a deep emotional connection, I won’t even contemplate the idea of being in a relationship. But is this right? Am I just going into a relationship, because I feel and want a connection, rather than because I want the relationship.

In an old thread, I posted a little bit on my INFJ friend about how when she broke things off with me and stay as friends, I was really upset. This would suggest that I had romantic feelings for her, yet prior to this, I’d sometimes be questioning whether I actually in love with her in that way. All I knew was that I was making promises to be around her forever and everything. It’s clear I wanted a deep emotional connection with her, and wanted to be together with her, but was the relationship more focused on the deep connection aspect?

The new ESFP friend of mine says tells me that I talk so much about my old INFJ friend that she thought I was not over her, and that I was in love with her at one point. But my own experience of how I acted with my INFJ friend back then suggest that my feelings aren’t so clear cut. To this day, I still can’t tell for sure how I felt because it seems to be in-between the platonic-romantic boundary.