Inasmuch as they are human—albeit a remarkable group I have much fondness for—they are like everyone else. Which is to say, they are a paradox in that they all belong to a group, yet each and every is unique.
Each with different gifts, skills, resources, situations, experiences, stories, and paths, all doing the best they can to meet their needs, figuring things out as they go.
Yet I certainly see patterns, because that’s what Ne + Si does!
None so gifted with the written word, or at least the sort of words and kind of ideas I like to read. Most have looked within themselves to a degree and a depth I have not witnessed in others. So simultaneously courageous, yet full of self-doubt. Most are private, but depending on their degree of need for connection, some choose to open themselves to others and the world in a way that might seem contrary to the general understanding of their type.
Willing to live by their principles, even when it benefits them not, and in those rare times they willingly choose to violate them, their road to any real self-forgiveness is very long and difficult. They will hold themselves in psychological purgatory and limbo far longer than most would consider useful, but I trust they know their way.
They care, but their way is quiet, and usually does not bring attention to their self. Ironically, some have thought them uncaring, but that was because the INFJ was caring for the person’s higher, noble self that had, to that point, gone unrecognized and unacknowledged. When they become aware another is in need, and they recognize they have something to offer, they can give of themselves in a way and to a degree found nowhere else.
In my experience, those INFJs that are E5 will offer more paradoxical and unreconciled perspectives than any other type. They are comfortable to sit in the ambiguity, but then, unexpectedly, they reveal the golden thread that runs through it all, and a middle way is shown where before there was only haze.
So many of them freely offer a largesse to others they are reluctant to give to themselves. It’s cliché to say they give advice they themselves do not/can not follow, because most everyone does that to some degree. But with the INFJ this is different, because their advice is other-focused and insightful, and never lazy or off the cuff. If they are willing to share their opinion, that is.
This could be my imagination, but I get the sense that INFJs have a direct pathway as follows:
witness or experience conflict (which they may not even be part of) → helplessly absorb energy from that conflict → internalize it as stress → later experience somatic disturbances and even illness
Usually finds themselves lacking because of their ability to imagine potentials*, whereupon they turn the acuity of their perception and judgment on themselves. This can rise to a crisis level that is a mental-emotional self-flagellation, delivered without mercy.
*not idle daydreaming in what-if style, but INFJ insight of the possible fused with actual step-by-step planning, micro-adjusted in real time...yes, they make that look easy, but it is still a high-resource activity.
So focused on development and growth that they never take the moment to fully recognize, much less take pride in, their own accomplishments. Others that do won’t fully understand what it cost the INFJ to get there, so an INFJ can go unrecognized for a long time. They suffer from this, but rarely complain.
This is hyperbole, but I’m trying to illustrate a point → INFJs love the whole of the world, and would save it if they could, but when it comes down to each and every person, taken in turn, the INFJ would be content to watch more than a few burn. (Which I find curious, because I am the opposite.)
Witnessing them parent is amazing and beautiful to me. Because it is both a kind of something I didn’t get, as well as just the kind of something I would endeavor to give. True respect for the human being that is a child, unconditional acceptance, high standards by means of encouragement as opposed to pushing, and providing a safe space for each of them to bloom and become the people they actually are. Encourages their dreams. Works to help them realize their dreams. Asks them, does not tell them. Focus is engagement, not that which is punitive.
The nature of INFJ intuition is such that they trust their own instincts, implicitly. This can be expressed as a stubbornness, or a dismissive attitude. And to their credit, they are often right! But this gift can paradoxically also be curse in that an INFJ can be hoodwinked by others with ill intent, and once done, the undoing is none too easy.
My sense is that those INFJs who fully understand this potential in themselves are virtually immune to it, because they have a well-cultivated discipline for continual self-examination. They find a way to largely separate their ego from the usual rewards that come with thinking one is right. In this way, they remain open to the new, and can playfully, not personally, tell someone they are full of shit.
A tendency to be trapped in their own head, but I suppose that’s the kettle calling the pot black. Seeing an INFJ freely enjoy the sensuous and sensual life would be reason for celebration and congratulation, were it not also reason to suspect they had gone off the rails, and were deep in their own shadow. For most people, watching TV and eating ice cream while curled or splayed on the couch in loungewear is just
something you do. To see an INFJ do this is not cozy, or sweet, and to think so is to miss the reality—that INFJ is
deeply in crisis, and is engaged in a ritual that begins a dark night of their soul.
Best to (All of) You,
Ian