Non- INFJ perspectives of INFJs via this forum

[John K]

Sharing one's introverted function content is intimate. It's not going to happen unless there's trust or anonymity.

Wanting Ni dominants to share more of that, and less Te or Fe is about YOUR preferences, not theirs. It's exceptionally easier to adjust the priorities about one's preferences, than someone else's. So if you want something and aren't getting it, there's more options to deal with the situation than simply expecting or demanding others supply what you want.

I'm not sure what you mean - I'm not wanting anything but just describing what I see as a possible explanation and discussion point for the interesting observation you made here
https://www.infjs.com/threads/non-infj-perspectives-of-infjs-via-this-forum.39199/#post-1399344

In my experience, there isn't a firewall between our primary and secondary functions, and our introverted orientation colours the way we come across in our extroverted one - very strongly when the introverted one is the dominant. I find it very plain to see, and when someone is caught in an introverted tertiary loop, or is over-using their tertiary, that comes over strongly too in the same way.

 

[John K]

I wish I could live in my perceiving function sometimes. I suppose I can when I am outside travelling or in good company. But as soon as the routine kicks in (i.e I am at home) I switch back.

Ti can be quite heavy and destructive, but as a Ti user you don't even notice it. Prone to rumination and going round in circles (especially Ti-Si combo). Yes, consuming new info can help, but even that isn't always working. Fiction is probably the best option because it forces me to perceive/observe more than judge. It's such a calming and relaxing experience to just observe, I can even feel my body relax and soften.

Are INFJs living in this mode? This I cannot tell. I hope they do. I have one living with me and she is much more relaxed and easy going than me, so I assume she is not judging so much. Will ask her. What's interesting is the difference in content we consume. I mostly consume educational content, something to "engage my brain". She prefers to watch lighter content, design stuff, gaming stuff, anime stuff etc. I almost never do this. It's even hard to get into fiction, but when I do, I almost never regret it.

As a Ti dom, you have this constant "pressure" to improve, learn new things, grow. It's like having a very demanding father without a mother to tell you you are OK as you are. No time to relax and just consume, but paradoxically being in a constant Ti mode doesn't yield results over the long run. It would be more beneficial to me to be able to switch it ON and OFF, because no human deserves to be under Ti pressure 24/7 lol.

Ni/Ti looping can be a very heady experience, with a similar flavour to what you describe. I think it's a common INFJ experience to lie awake in the thin hours catastophising as Ti pours the kerosine of rationality onto the fires of Ni dooming lol. Come the dawn and you wonder what all that nonsense was about .

I think there is a parallel in Ni to your difficulty in switching off Ti. It's quite hard to put into words, but it's like pulling on a thread of thought and finding that the moon is attached to it demanding attention in all its fullness - then if you look there turns out to be an indefinite number of moons on the same string each in a different dimension, all clamouring for attention too, but at the same time it's almost impossible to express to yourself what you see in linear humanspeak because it's so huge. This can be fasinating but it can also be overwhelming and you can lose yourself in it. I tend to escape if I need R&R either in the great Se outdoors, or in fantasy fiction.

 

[Matty]

Fair comment, but my mother concussed me many times, beat me to unconsciousness such that I lost bladder and bowel, regularly locked me in the closet for three days with no food, water, or loo...I’m pretty sure she wasn’t trying to be my friend.

There were many good things too...but my ACE score is 7...I have forgiven, but I cannot forget (and wouldn't want to).

Cheers,
Ian

THAT is shocking. It's hard to think of more than a very small number of worse things than being deprived of benign parents.

You seem to have turned out like a good person, even if there's mental and emotional scars.

 

[philostam]

Fair comment, but my mother concussed me many times, beat me to unconsciousness such that I lost bladder and bowel, regularly locked me in the closet for three days with no food, water, or loo...I’m pretty sure she wasn’t trying to be my friend.

There were many good things too...but my ACE score is 7...I have forgiven, but I cannot forget (and wouldn't want to).

Cheers,
Ian

My god. Sorry to hear this.

I didn't have good parents either, but it never went to physical abuse. A lot of neglect, though.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

(especially Ti-Si combo)

If you don't mind elaboratow would you describe this loop?

As a Ti dom, you have this constant "pressure" to improve, learn new things, grow. It's like having a very demanding father without a mother to tell you you are OK as you are. No time to relax and just consume, but paradoxically being in a constant Ti mode doesn't yield results over the long run. It would be more beneficial to me to be able to switch it ON and OFF, because no human deserves to be under Ti pressure 24/7 lol.

I relate with this, or at least how you describe it here.

I think there is a parallel in Ni to your difficulty in switching off Ti. It's quite hard to put into words, but it's like pulling on a thread of thought and finding that the moon is attached to it demanding attention in all its fullness - then if you look there turns out to be an indefinite number of moons on the same string each in a different dimension, all clamouring for attention too, but at the same time it's almost impossible to express to yourself what you see in linear humanspeak because it's so huge. This can be fasinating but it can also be overwhelming and you can lose yourself in it.

And this too is very relatable!

I didn't have good parents either, but it never went to physical abuse. A lot of neglect, though.

There were many good things too...but my ACE score is 7...I have forgiven, but I cannot forget (and wouldn't want to

Hugs you both.

 

[philostam]

If you don't mind elaboratow would you describe this loop?

Ti always needs to be active and having "material" to work with. In ideal situation you supply it with new and interesting material every day. But it doesn't happen like that, sometimes you have to go to your inventory and supply it with what you already know, just from a different angle. That way you pay tribute to the Ti, but unfortunately it makes no sense to go over the same material again and again.

Ne, on the other hand, works on inspiration. It cannot be summoned at will. Ne is the best supplier to the Ti, but it's not always reliable or able to deliver at will.

Ti also resists activities like cooking, gardening etc. It sees them as useless. So there is this constant tension that you have to be doing something "useful". I am learning to ignore this Ti pressure, however, and enjoy the small things.

PS: Maybe that's just my problems, nothing to do with Ti or anything lol. That's just how I interpret it at the moment.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

Thank you @philostam <3 much appreciated and very clearly stated. How you interpret it at the moment works and perhaps if you come to a different interpretation later we can see how things changed.

 

[John K]

Fair comment, but my mother concussed me many times, beat me to unconsciousness such that I lost bladder and bowel, regularly locked me in the closet for three days with no food, water, or loo...I’m pretty sure she wasn’t trying to be my friend.

There were many good things too...but my ACE score is 7...I have forgiven, but I cannot forget (and wouldn't want to).

Cheers,
Ian

Words fail me there is such a smell of evil in what she did to you, Ian. It’s a miracle you have managed to free yourself to a remarkable extent from your history. These problems can be visited on the children and the grandchildren down many generations.

Was your mother a victim too, as well as the one who hurt you so badly? It’s all too often a script we pick up in childhood and pass on to our own kids.

I’m in full admiration for the way you have escaped such an evil and compelling spell.

 

[aeon]

These problems can be visited on the children and the grandchildren down many generations.

Indeed, and perhaps this informs why my sister and I are both childless.

Was your mother a victim too, as well as the one who hurt you so badly? It’s all too often a script we pick up in childhood and pass on to our own kids.

Yes, in that she witnessed it brought upon her brothers, and given other known details, it must have been fierce.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[Reason]

There's not really much negative to say as INFJs have a lot of good qualities that really makes them quite likeable and easy to get along with. INFJs can be helpful, thoughtful, ferociously loyal and at times perhaps even overly patient. Even so with people who do not merit such noble sacrifices. It can be difficult to watch from the sidelines as an INFJ dumps all their energy into trying to aid some self-absorbed wastrel.


The only negative I'd say that comes to mind is that for many INFJs the claim of high empathy™ just basically means high tribalism. They guard the ingroup and rage against the outgroup more vigorously but I see little evidence that INFJs are even slightly better than the average person when it comes to understanding the views of someone quite different to themselves. There is plenty of variation within this personality type of course so I don't mean to make it sound like this phenomenon is ubiquitous.