No longer attracted to older men at all

[invisible]

Dont agree with your "dynamic". I think its born from emotion. Why are most men only interested in younger women. Oh it must be looks alone because there cant be any connection other than that.
I could say any amount of hurtful things regarding older women and why men look past them that go far beyond appearance and all of them would be true. However I doubt they would be helpful in this instance so I wont.

there must be a special name for the kind of argument that says "i could argue with you, but i wont". its definitely a logical fallacy, its a kind of rhetoric that presents a false assumption that the match is already over before it has begun. i just dont know whether i have ever heard a special name for it. but im sure there must be one.

 

[hush]

Dont agree with your "dynamic". I think its born from emotion. Why are most men only interested in younger women. Oh it must be looks alone because there cant be any connection other than that.
I could say any amount of hurtful things regarding older women and why men look past them that go far beyond appearance and all of them would be true. However I doubt they would be helpful in this instance so I wont.

Could you also say any amount of hurtful things regarding older men and why women look past them that go far beyond appearance, and all of them would be true?

I am merely curious.

 

[JJJA]

As age increases, so does the likelihood of somebody having more experience. This is not to say that it guarantees experience, as I have known women much older than myself. They respect my wisdom and think that I am beyond my years on a maturity level, which is quite the opposite of what the stereotyped 20 year old male goes by nowadays. Older men may look for younger women for a variety of reasons, and I think it is a widely known stereotype to suggest that they do it because they feel lucky or because they do not wish to have a long-term serious relationship. It has also occurred to me that nobody, so far, has bothered to wonder why a lot of younger women accept the older men, and I am sure there are many stereotypes toward that assumption as well. If I am going to have any discussion on a gender and age-related topic, then all ages and genders must receive equal and fair criticism as well as praise, and I must not let any single stereotype slant the reputation or privilege of a particular age/gender. I am personally into women older than myself, but not entirely, and not on the basis that I think all women my age lack wisdom or maturity. I would easily fall in love with a woman younger than me or the same age as me, as age becomes a frivolous tool in-comparison to your feelings toward that person. I think an emphasis on love and commitment needs to be made in order for any discussion to seem valid when arguing the case for older/younger relationships and their respective stereotypes.

 

[La Sagna]

Dont agree with your "dynamic". I think its born from emotion. Why are most men only interested in younger women. Oh it must be looks alone because there cant be any connection other than that.
I could say any amount of hurtful things regarding older women and why men look past them that go far beyond appearance and all of them would be true. However I doubt they would be helpful in this instance so I wont.

You don't read what I write, you skip over parts. I said that there are exceptions and that there are cases where someone will fall in love with someone that is of a very different age. However, I'm not going to dismiss what I have witnessed and the discussions I have had because you are butt hurt by them. Some men are actually able to admit the truth about themselves and their observations about other men without feeling hurt. Are you feeling targeted? Let me get this right, 'hurtful things that cause men to look past older women would all be true'? Your logic is failing. I explain my observations and also allow that there are exceptions and make no claims to having the 'truth' and to you that is wrong, but somehow you know the truth about all older women? First of all, 'older women' can mean a lot of different things, and second of all, women aren't one homogeneous group just like men aren't, so you can't know the 'truth' about all of them. If you've decided that all women of a certain group are all bad then you are narrowing your opportunities.

 

[Eventhorizon]

there must be a special name for the kind of argument that says "i could argue with you, but i wont". its definitely a logical fallacy, its a kind of rhetoric that presents a false assumption that the match is already over before it has begun. i just dont know whether i have ever heard a special name for it. but im sure there must be one.

In my case it wouldnt be an argument it would be a statement. I dont think it would be of benefit because it would be hurtful and something that couldn't be changed anyway.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Could you also say any amount of hurtful things regarding older men and why women look past them that go far beyond appearance, and all of them would be true?

I am merely curious.

Probably.

 

[Eventhorizon]

You don't read what I write, you skip over parts. I said that there are exceptions and that there are cases where someone will fall in love with someone that is of a very different age. However, I'm not going to dismiss what I have witnessed and the discussions I have had because you are butt hurt by them. Some men are actually able to admit the truth about themselves and their observations about other men without feeling hurt. Are you feeling targeted? Let me get this right, 'hurtful things that cause men to look past older women would all be true'? Your logic is failing. I explain my observations and also allow that there are exceptions and make no claims to having the 'truth' and to you that is wrong, but somehow you know the truth about all older women? First of all, 'older women' can mean a lot of different things, and second of all, women aren't one homogeneous group just like men aren't, so you can't know the 'truth' about all of them. If you've decided that all women of a certain group are all bad then you are narrowing your opportunities.

Thank you for that carrot, it is kind of you. Not all older men are immature. ..just most. Very kind.

 

[Eventhorizon]

[MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION] I think your perception that I dont read everything isnt accurate. I do read everything, I just dont comment on whats irrelevant.

 

[invisible]

In my case it wouldnt be an argument it would be a statement. I dont think it would be of benefit because it would be hurtful and something that couldn't be changed anyway.

i think youre right - i was getting confused between this and the types of discussional arguments where people make statements that they are prepared to support with reasons.

 

[La Sagna]

Thank you for that carrot, it is kind of you. Not all older men are immature. ..just most. Very kind.

See, you read things that I don't say and ignore things that I do say...nowhere did I say that most older men are immature...the context was that men who particularly search out only much younger women tend to be immature. Most older men are mature, but they're not out exclusively searching for and dating women 20 years younger. Most are in long term relationships or dating closer to their age. Stop trying to read things that I'm not saying.

Believe me, I know that there are just as many immature women as men in all age groups. It is not the specific age group that I'm addressing but the specific behaviour.

I keep thinking these discussions are all about hearing new perspectives to help understand people and the world a little better. You are absolutely welcome to share your ideas about 'older women', positive or negative. I personally welcome it, and will of course try to enlighten you about something if I think you're misguided. I may also learn something about your particular perspective at the same time.

 

[hush]

Let's try to make sure we stay on topic... this is getting a bit iffy.

 

[Eventhorizon]

See, you read things that I don't say and ignore things that I do say...nowhere did I say that most older men are immature...the context was that men who particularly search out only much younger women tend to be immature. Most older men are mature, but they're not out exclusively searching for and dating women 20 years younger. Most are in long term relationships or dating closer to their age. Stop trying to read things that I'm not saying.

Believe me, I know that there are just as many immature women as men in all age groups. It is not the specific age group that I'm addressing but the specific behaviour.

I keep thinking these discussions are all about hearing new perspectives to help understand people and the world a little better. You are absolutely welcome to share your ideas about 'older women', positive or negative. I personally welcome it, and will of course try to enlighten you about something if I think you're misguided. I may also learn something about your particular perspective at the same time.

No nowhere did you say all older men are immature. But according to the conversation older men who engage in relationships with younger women are mostly immature according to you. This was the conversation and I thought that was already understood. I did not think I would have to specifically state that in my reply because I thought it would be understood already.
My fault for assuming this.
Also please understand all of my typing is typically done on a phone so I have a tendency not to give long responses.

 

[Desmond]

Sounds like you were attracted to the 'idea' of an older man as opposed to the person himself. Perhaps you've matured enough to now look at the person as an individual and not a 'concept' that you are looking for.
I can tell you that, although there are some exceptions, most men who will date much younger women are not the mature ones and they are not looking for a serious long-term relationship.

Honestly I think this is very valid. Is this the case for all "age gap" relationships? Of course not. However, I do believe that generally when people go for larger age gaps (in my mind, 20 years is a significant gap, but I am only 24 so what do I know), it is because they have an initial attraction to a concept, whether they consciously recognize that or not.

Perhaps the older man seems to be successful and established, and the younger woman is looking for some security and stability. Perhaps the older man subconsciously reminds the younger woman of a father figure who passed away early in her life, and she is unknowingly trying to fill a void.

On the flip side, perhaps the man feels that he is getting older than he wants to believe, that life is escaping him, and that somehow by dating a younger girl, perhaps he can feel young again. Again, I'm not sure any of these motives are ever conscious thoughts.

To be fair, you could argue this type of attraction at any age gap. However, I feel like in the more typical age gaps (2-7 years), the initial attraction is more based on things like "this guy is funny and confident, and I feel comfortable around him" or "this girl is cute and has a kind heart, I think I like her". It is not such a complex type of attraction, at least I don't think so.

 

[SpecialEdition]

When I was in my late teens I was certain I only wanted to date men at LEAST 5 years or more older than me. I was involved with a man who was ten years older than I was and I enjoyed it very much. I wanted someone I could connect with emotionally and intellectually and who was established enough in their lives that they were stable and reliable. I didn't expect to be provided for like a sugar daddy or something like that, but I just felt being who and how I was was more in alignment with men who were much older than me.

Now that I am 30 I am with someone 1 year older than me. I guess in a sense I am attracted to the same age group (28-35) but I have just caught up in my own age chronologically. If I had to date someone in their late 30's or early 40's I could do it but from my perspective the age gap could never really work long term. I need someone who I can grow old with over time and also experience the freshness of being 30 and indepedent and young and free. Not that older men can't be that way, but if I am 35 and he's approaching 50 or he is ready to retire a good decade before me, that is just not going to work. The lifestyle gap would be worse than the age.

So I find that it's not really the "idea" of older men as some people suggest. It is just a different chemistry that seems to transition when one ages themselves.

 

[the]

In my 20s I dated a lot of women who were in their mid 30s. There may be some connection.



... And might I add that I was in the army then so my bod was fleekin.

 

[Angela]

I have pretty much always been attracted to 25-27 year olds. When I was 15 I was crushing on a 27 year old, he was very responsible and turned me away till after my 18th birthday. Then I found I was no longer attracted to him. When I was 20 I dated a 26 year old, who I married, and divorced when he was 35, and dating again, I find myself to be attracted to 25 to 27 year olds again, which I find makes me discontent. as a 31 year old single mother of a toddler, I am not sure anyone would want me, but especially a 25 to 27 year old. I was recently seeing a 37 year old, he was nice, until he just quit talking to me completely. Immaturity seems present at any age, but i dont know what it is about them 25 to 27 year olds. If I dont find someone to settle down with I'm going to be 40 going after 25 to 27 year olds. Can we say Cougar?

 

[Gaze]

I think the attraction to older as few said, in some cases has less to do with their age, than their experience. Older partners know who they are, have probably been through enough to know what works and what doesn't for them, understand better what they want, are usually more settled, and have certain things figured out, are sometimes more stable in their expectations, tend to be a little more honest about what they want, and I think women of all ages find these traits attractive.

 

[cvp12gh5]

I am 32 years old and until age 30, I was exclusively attracted to men who were a lot older than me. In my 20s, I dated guys who were in their 40s and even early 50s. At age 31, I found myself exclusively attracted to men who are around my age, plus or minus a few years. Now, I do not find myself being interested to men over age 42. So what is going on?

My dad passed away when I was 29 and I was always very close to him. I wonder if you INFJs on this forum have anything to say about this. What could have triggered this massive shift? Did I have daddy issues before and now that dad is gone, they are no longer here? Or could it be that the failured relationships with older men in the past made me go the opposite direction? I'm trying to sort this one out. All the women in my family save my aunt married men who were more than 5 years older than them.

I have a question (forum: of course she does!)

How were you treated in your relationships by the older men you were with?

 

[Artemisia]

I have a question (forum: of course she does!)

How were you treated in your relationships by the older men you were with?

I dated three guys between the ages of 45-51. The first guy was 51 and I was 26. He was the kindest, most generous man I have ever met. Unfortunately, this was a 1-month fling and he had to return back to his country. It would not work out with that age difference anyway, but he is still a friend and I always tell him what a great guy he is.

The other two guys, ages 45 and 49, were professors. The first one was a real narcissist (scary) and I was hung up on his for over 4 years. Of course, I was rather inexperienced and immature at age 21.

The second chased me for a few months and we were involved, on/off for a year until I had enough of him seeing another woman (who was 4 years older than him).

I also had a 4-month flirtation with a 44 year old last year......but that dude seemed to want cybersex and I was turned off completely.

After this cybersex dude, I decided to go the other way and date younger men or men my age. It seems to be working better overall.

 

[cvp12gh5]

I dated three guys between the ages of 45-51. The first guy was 51 and I was 26. He was the kindest, most generous man I have ever met. Unfortunately, this was a 1-month fling and he had to return back to his country. It would not work out with that age difference anyway, but he is still a friend and I always tell him what a great guy he is.

The other two guys, ages 45 and 49, were professors. The first one was a real narcissist (scary) and I was hung up on his for over 4 years. Of course, I was rather inexperienced and immature at age 21.

The second chased me for a few months and we were involved, on/off for a year until I had enough of him seeing another woman (who was 4 years older than him).

I also had a 4-month flirtation with a 44 year old last year......but that dude seemed to want cybersex and I was turned off completely.

After this cybersex dude, I decided to go the other way and date younger men or men my age. It seems to be working better overall.

You say you were close with your father. Can you tell us a bit about that relationship?

When you think of your father, what thoughts come to mind? (Negative and positive qualities/characteristics.)