Narcissism and MBTI

[Ghoulia Yelps]

I am trying to come to terms over why went wrong in my relationship, and why I feel so awful about him, and I'm starting to realize that the guy was a narcissist. He tested as INFJ, but I usually have seen STP as more narcissistic personality types.
Which types do you consider to be borderline or narcissistic personalities and why?

 

[Elis]

I think there are some defensive mechanics for people with NPD that can hinder them from seeing their own ill doings. They MUST be perfect; something else doesn't exist, hence they do not see it. I can see someone with NPD getting INFJ, or any other MBTI for that matter, through a test, answering with what they want to project, and not with who they are.

I don't mean to imply that INFJs can't be narcissists.

 

[Radiantshadow]

It is a disservice to human variation to generalize one's Jungian personality type as a doorway into mental disorder. It may be that some types may be more prone to displaying a particular set of behaviors or symptoms under certain conditions, but a causative relationship between them is simply not present. One set of behavior can stem from a multitude of causes and mental illnesses can manifest in a variety of forms. Humans are complicated and not easily reduced to such linear constructions. With that said, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, Ghoulia. Genuinely narcissistic people are hell to live with and untangling what they perceive as reality and what is reality in truth can be really difficult - distance, time, and some positivity may be the best cures.

 

[say what]

Narcissism is a trait, but also a psychological disorder. In reality, we all have the trait, as with most traits and disorders, it's on a continuum. Perhaps, maybe, possibly....there is a correlation to MBTI and personality disorders, but I don't think there would be one specific type that it's predominantly drawn too.

Boarderline disorder is also a personality disorder, which again, I don't think can be categorized into a MBTI type. Personality disorders go far beyond traits of a personality, and are often a mixture of nature and nurture factors.

My advice is to focus less on his personality and the potential psychological disorders he may or may not have (because, on some level we all have a personality disorder!), and start accepting that he is just who he is- there's not explaining or justifying it...that's just him! Glad to hear you're coming to terms with your break up- I know it's been hard for you

 

[DonTaushMe]

Well, what is the definition of a narcissist? I'm in love with the way I look, I know I can look better and am working towards that but as it is now I still turn myself on. I can't sleep naked, I wont sleep if I'm naked, can't keep my hands off of myself. I thought I was a narcissist, but you guys are saying it as it's a negative, so what is a narcissist then?

And you can't put certain groups of people in boxes with the MBTI, it would be nice if you could but that's not the way the world works -that's not how people work.

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

I read an article in the Huffington Post about how people suffering with chronic pain very often become narcissistic, very good article, explains why they are so self centered because they can't look outside themselves and empathise with other people.

http://www.unz.org/Pub/HuffingtonPost-2010feb-04309

My INFJ suspect narcissist had ME, this could be the reason for his hurtful and selfish behavior.

 

[technics]

Which types do you consider to be borderline or narcissistic personalities and why?

ISFP

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

ISFP

Wouldn't have been my first choice.
Why?
I understand why ESTP is like that, they always play shyster and conman, like to impress, and step on others to get their own way, but ISFP?
They are kind, loveable, doormats are they not?

 

[technics]

They are kind, loveable, doormats are they not?

Depends on the ISFP This type is pretty varied, in my experience... revolutionaries, outdoor people, hippies, artists, fashionistas, diplomats etc. Those groups pretty much cover the range from "aggressive" to "kind and lovable" to "narcissists", especially the latter two.

 

[La Sagna]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).

If one of the key characteristics of narcissism is a lack of empathy would that not make it less likely that a Feeler would have the disorder?

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

If one of the key characteristics of narcissism is a lack of empathy would that not make it less likely that a Feeler would have the disorder?

That was what I thought, until I read the Huff Post article, you can lose your empathy for others by being self absorbed in you own pain or problems.

 

[La Sagna]

That was what I thought, until I read the Huff Post article, you can lose your empathy for others by being self absorbed in you own pain or problems.

I read the article. It was very interesting and makes sense but I don't think he's claiming that it actually makes you narcissistic, just that you are more concentrating on yourself and distanced from the others. It may make you have more narcissistic traits but it's not going to turn you from a normal empathic person to a full-blown narcissist.

 

[DonTaushMe]

If one of the key characteristics of narcissism is a lack of empathy would that not make it less likely that a Feeler would have the disorder?

Thank you for that, lol I didn't read the article on my own. Something that has been said about my by friends is that I'm very humble, so maybe I'm not a narcissist so much as extremely confident *shrugs*

 

[La Sagna]

Thank you for that, lol I didn't read the article on my own. Something that has been said about my by friends is that I'm very humble, so maybe I'm not a narcissist so much as extremely confident *shrugs*

People mistakenly believe that narcissism is simply about being in love with your looks but it's definitely more than that.

You can also have very high self-esteem and not be narcissistic.

'Not being able to keep your hands of yourself' may just mean you enjoy your own company

 

[DonTaushMe]

People mistakenly believe that narcissism is simply about being in love with your looks but it's definitely more than that.

You can also have very high self-esteem and not be narcissistic.

'Not being able to keep your hands of yourself' may just mean you enjoy your own company

Hahahahaha *sigh* yeah... lol.

 

[NK278]

I am trying to come to terms over why went wrong in my relationship, and why I feel so awful about him, and I'm starting to realize that the guy was a narcissist. He tested as INFJ, but I usually have seen STP as more narcissistic personality types.
Which types do you consider to be borderline or narcissistic personalities and why?

Why do you think he was narcissistic exactly ?

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

Why do you think he was narcissistic exactly ?

Few reasons combined.
He was suffering from a disability which meant that he always had a lot of help from people, lots of support and unfortunately this led him to take people forgranted. He had such a me, me, me attitude, which was hard to live with, and although it was very unlike the form of narcissism many report from living with addicts, in his case, because he had been allowed to get away with so much by his family, he was beyond criticism.
Add to that that he was a musician, and had a very music snob attitude, really was arrogant about his skills and talent. He tended to foster friendships with people he thought would help him achieve success, rather than loving them for themselves, it had to be about what they could do for him. I think it is easy to see where his self centred attitude came from, and I do criticise his family for allowing him to act this way, unchecked, since he was a child. Being ill is no excuse for bad and selfish behavior, but in his case if anyone criticises him they get accused of bullying him because of his illness, which is ME and means he can't work. I feel very hurt by him because I genuinely loved him and encouraged him, but he only saw me as one of a long list of people who would in turn be used and then abandoned when either the novelty wore off, or they expected him to reciprocate.

 

[NK278]

Few reasons combined.
He was suffering from a disability which meant that he always had a lot of help from people, lots of support and unfortunately this led him to take people forgranted. He had such a me, me, me attitude, which was hard to live with, and although it was very unlike the form of narcissism many report from living with addicts, in his case, because he had been allowed to get away with so much by his family, he was beyond criticism.
Add to that that he was a musician, and had a very music snob attitude, really was arrogant about his skills and talent. He tended to foster friendships with people he thought would help him achieve success, rather than loving them for themselves, it had to be about what they could do for him. I think it is easy to see where his self centred attitude came from, and I do criticise his family for allowing him to act this way, unchecked, since he was a child. Being ill is no excuse for bad and selfish behavior, but in his case if anyone criticises him they get accused of bullying him because of his illness, which is ME and means he can't work. I feel very hurt by him because I genuinely loved him and encouraged him, but he only saw me as one of a long list of people who would in turn be used and then abandoned when either the novelty wore off, or they expected him to reciprocate.

That had to be a difficult relationship and I'm sorry to hear you're going through the after math of sorting it out. Every person we're drawn to we are drawn to for a reason and so I've always found peace in growing as a person that way. I suppose, I also have tried to integrate those very traits I admire in them within myself. I do believe with each connection I've been able to grow enormously. Try to see the opportunity within the hurt though it may not stop hurting for quite some time. We all hope the other parties want too grow with us. But it isn't always meant to be, or at least, not for now this very second.

Narcissism is a complicated disorder. I've met people with narcissistic mothers such as my own but even they themselves can't see past the mind fuck. Traumatic events can also hinder a person's capacity to emotionally connect either temporary or permanently (such as all things. It's dependent on our capacity to see and navigate). His illness no doubt has been a traumatic event to ensure and cope with regardless of his families enabling and pandering towards his insecurities. So try to have compassion. You don't need to forgive him if he hasn't held himself accountable. And even if he did, this doesn't mean he would be willing and/or capable of filling your needs of reasonable reciprocation. Turn the anger and/or frustration you're feeling towards motivation in passionate introspection so that you won't find yourself drawn to people incapable of true connection.


Keep your chin up. Happy v day <3

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

Yes, doing the math right now
ESTP narcissist and INFJ narcissist are very different things with very different motives.
INFJ narcissist is honest to a fault, however differences in understanding appear dishonest, to the narcissist they are his reality, case in point, said narcissist lives in a fantasy world which doesn't adequately resemble the real world that he lives in, but in his reality, it does! So certain rules don't apply in his la la land reality. Example : this guy believed he had a girlfriend in Romania, who in fact was just someone he met on Facebook. In his brain tho, she was his wife and the mother of his children, he was betrothed to her, and even claimed to be close to her family, who he had never met and who do not even speak English. To point out to him the errors in his thinking, is to violate his religion, or deeply valued belief system. Hereby, through being his real, concerned, friend, I became his enemy by violating his private inner world with cold hard reality.
ESTP by contrast, was a posturing self obsessed cocaine addict, who used lies and deceit to manipulate those around him. He often had tall tales about himself and his adventures with celebrities etc. The primary difference between him and the INFJ narcissist was that he did not believe his fantasies to be true. He was very defensive about them, especially when challenged, but they were stories he designed to create envy, and promote his elevated view of himself as a member of high society and aristocracy. He too was very aggressive when challenged over a lie, but unlike the INFJ who primarily was deceiving himself, the ESTP used his fantasies to deceive others.

 

[Solongo]

I am trying to come to terms over why went wrong in my relationship, and why I feel so awful about him, and I'm starting to realize that the guy was a narcissist. He tested as INFJ, but I usually have seen STP as more narcissistic personality types.
Which types do you consider to be borderline or narcissistic personalities and why?

It's not a type thing. Narcissism is molded and passed onto children by their parents and the environment they are raised in. Usually there is a parent that is high achieving but emotionally unexpressive, cold and distant. Competitiveness, repression of natural emotions and pressure to succeed also help create a narcissistic tendencies. Children who were only childs are are more prone to narcissism as well as children that were forced to grow up fast due to difficult life situations. The self absorption mechanism works early on as a protective mechanism but as the personality develops and emotional isolation is present in the persons life; individual starts to identify strongly with narcissistic personality in order to gain self esteem that was not developed in a healthy way. There is also issue with attachment and detachment and emotional isolation/repression that was normal in the child's environment.