My ex is an INFJ.. how to win her back?... Nevermind, let's all be weird!!!

[Dixie Normous]

Hi everyone,
I am an ENTJ, I met my ex girlfriend 2 years ago and we clicked right away, she fell in love with me with almost no effort on my part. I think my charisma did all the work to be honest.. anyway.. we dated for 2 years and it was a long distance relationship, but I made it work. I would drive regularly to her house to make sure we had physical contact with each other. Our relationship was filled with fun, activities, outings, travelling, always treated her like a queen.. however i've had my good loads of immaturity like.. losing a game.. i wouldn't take it well. Romance was obviously not my strong side as well. We had our share of fights and arguments. But I honestly didn't think much of it. I often asked her to talk to me when I knew there was something wrong, like I could feel something was bothering her, but she would insist that everything was fine.. Her whole family absolutely adores me, they think I am a keeper and they just have good things to say about me, they dont understand why she broke up with me. And.... her reasons are very very inconsistent. She says one thing then the other day she says another thing.. it's as if she doesn't even know herself why she broke up with me or she knows but doesn't want to say the real reason. Also.. when she broke up with me,she listed alllllllllll the things I had done wrong throughout the relationship. I told her why she didn't tell me before and she said "everytime i wanted to confront you, you would get mad" (not true) and she said she hinted at me a lot.

I was at her house when she broke up with me and I stayed there for a 2 weeks after we broke up. It was also my birthday and she spent nearly $200 on gifts and birthday stuff (she bought me 2 cakes as well). She would still hold my hand when we would go places.. but at the same time.. she was talking to this guy constantly on her phone. And as time went by.. she started having feelings for him... and became sexual with him as well (phone sex) which promptly made me leave her house. I was really broken at that point..

It's been like 5 weeks now and she found out recently that the guy she was talking to wasn't quite honest with her and that his ex girlfriend came back into the picture with his kid. It made her feel ashamed, conflicted,confused and she was super hurt. She told her best friend that she was going to stop talking to him but she still insists on keeping contact with him.

Meanwhile.. we haven't really been in touch. I was advised to give her a lot of space and to go on a no contact with her.
Her best friend told me that she told him that she was completely over me and there would be no chance of me getting back with her. But she's contacted me on her own quite a lot after he told me that.. and when we have conversations, I can still make her laugh and be playful with each other. But at the same time.. sometimes she seems very very uninterested not engaged in conversations and she still makes a point to talk to that guy.. which I know she still feels for him. Which makes me wonder if she still feels for me..

On her Facebook.. she still has all of our romantic pictures up for everyone to see, she still holds on all my gifts to her (from what her family members told me) and in one of our recent conversations she said she want me to give her my favorite pair of slippers...

I really want her back. I just don't know how to go about it anymore.. she gives me a lot of mixed signals. I dont know how to attack the situation to be on my favor.

Any help or advice that I can use to make her come back to me?


P.S she has mentioned a lot to me and her family members that I was an amazing man. But that she just wasn't happy with me she felt disconnected to me and that we were just not compatible but insists on saying I am an amazing guy.

 

[April]

Hmm, is kind of hard to say, because every INFJ is different. But with so little details to go on, it's hard to intuit what she feels. Can you tell us more about when she broke up with you and what was said, like all the things you'd done wrong? I know that might be personal, but I need to know more about what she had said in order to give you proper advice (that may or may not be complete rubbish, lol).

Have you tried contacting her, asking her to spend some time with you in person? Maybe you guys would do better in a situation where you don't have to be apart so much.

Also, about the other guy, give that some time to blow over. More than likely that is what's clouding her feelings for you. If what she felt for you is still there at all, she will likely ignore it because of this other guy. Infjs are often confused about what they feel and don't know what they want sometimes, because we see several paths, and choosing one means abandoning all other great choices. Bc what if we miss out by choosing wrong?

At any rate, definitely wait until what she had with him blows over for her to show anything romantic for you, if she still wants that kind of relationship with you. Don't worry about what her best friend said, that was said while in the throes of romantic infatuation, which means once the infatuation is over, her mind could change.

I look forward to chatting more about this, I hope we can help!

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Dixie Normous]

Hmm, is kind of hard to say, because every INFJ is different. But with so little details to go on, it's hard to intuit what she feels. Can you tell us more about when she broke up with you and what was said, like all the things you'd done wrong? I know that might be personal, but I need to know more about what she had said in order to give you proper advice (that may or may not be complete rubbish, lol).

Have you tried contacting her, asking her to spend some time with you in person? Maybe you guys would do better in a situation where you don't have to be apart so much.

Also, about the other guy, give that some time to blow over. More than likely that is what's clouding her feelings for you. If what she felt for you is still there at all, she will likely ignore it because of this other guy. Infjs are often confused about what they feel and don't know what they want sometimes, because we see several paths, and choosing one means abandoning all other great choices. Bc what if we miss out by choosing wrong?

At any rate, definitely wait until what she had with him blows over for her to show anything romantic for you, if she still wants that kind of relationship with you. Don't worry about what her best friend said, that was said while in the throes of romantic infatuation, which means once the infatuation is over, her mind could change.

I look forward to chatting more about this, I hope we can help!

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks
When she broke up with me she said that It felt like I didn't care for her happiness. She would ask me at times to speak to her in french (I speak french) and I wouldn't always do it,sometimes I would refuse because I didn't know what to say at the moment.. she would also ask me to read her stories and sing her songs. I would also refuse those requests. Now that I think about it, I should of just done it.. but I didn't think it was going to be a deal breaker. She said that I wasn't romantic enough for her and again she said it felt like I didn't care about her happiness. She said i was too immature for her, but I believe that is because of my attitude towards losing a game.. she said we fought and argued too much.. but that's not entirely true. We could go weeks without fighting at times. She basically said that she didnt feel happy with me and she felt disconnected from me. But 3 weeks before she broke up with me.. we did all sorts of activities and we went to her favorite restaurant.. we went on 2 road trips.. she seemed so happy. Even the sex was amazing.. she even let me take baths with her.. which was something she never wanted to do before(she has insecurities about her weight)

Anyways.. as soon as she broke up with me.. this guy appeared in her life.. and ever since he's in the picture I feel like she totslly discarded me.. but keeps giving me signs as though.. she may still have feelings for me. Oh and also when she declared she wanted to break up with me she said she wanted to stay "close friends" and that she wouldn't be opposed to give it another try in the future.. although.. i feel like her feelings changed towards that statement, again I feel because it is that guy clouding her thoughts.

 

[April]

I'm pretty sure you're right about the guy clouding her thoughts.

And regarding the romance, well, you are a thinker, not a feeler. So that will likely be more difficult for you, but not impossible.

I have another theory, that might hurt to hear. It could be that she, in her perfectionistic ways as an INFJ, is looking for something better, but is keeping you close in case she doesn't find it. I hope that's not the case for you. You seem like a lovely guy and you obviously really care for her.

I would at least reach out and ask to spend time with her, and tell her, as genuinely as possible, to the point of vulnerability I mean, how you feel. If that isn't romantic then I don't know what is.

 

[Dixie Normous]

I'm pretty sure you're right about the guy clouding her thoughts.

And regarding the romance, well, you are a thinker, not a feeler. So that will likely be more difficult for you, but not impossible.

I have another theory, that might hurt to hear. It could be that she, in her perfectionistic ways as an INFJ, is looking for something better, but is keeping you close in case she doesn't find it. I hope that's not the case for you. You seem like a lovely guy and you obviously really care for her.

I would at least reach out and ask to spend time with her, and tell her, as genuinely as possible, to the point of vulnerability I mean, how you feel. If that isn't romantic then I don't know what is.

It is obvious that she is trying to find something better. She thinks grass is greener somewhere else. She is more than aware of my feelings for her. She doesn't seem to care though.

I live in Quebec,Canada she lives in New Jersey.
This guy lives in Washington state (not D.C)
I used to drive every month to her house to spend time with her.. her choice sounds extremely illogical..

When we were still dating, because of last year halloween we had so much fun doing haunted walkthroughs and such.. we planned to do the same thing this year.. when she broke up she said she still wanted to do those things with me but strictly as "friends" and I still have a lot of my belongings at her house.. so im definitely going to go back at her house.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Hi everyone,
I am an ENTJ, I met my ex girlfriend 2 years ago and we clicked right away, she fell in love with me with almost no effort on my part. I think my charisma did all the work to be honest.. anyway.. we dated for 2 years and it was a long distance relationship, but I made it work. I would drive regularly to her house to make sure we had physical contact with each other. Our relationship was filled with fun, activities, outings, travelling, always treated her like a queen.. however i've had my good loads of immaturity like.. losing a game.. i wouldn't take it well. Romance was obviously not my strong side as well. We had our share of fights and arguments. But I honestly didn't think much of it. I often asked her to talk to me when I knew there was something wrong, like I could feel something was bothering her, but she would insist that everything was fine.. Her whole family absolutely adores me, they think I am a keeper and they just have good things to say about me, they dont understand why she broke up with me. And.... her reasons are very very inconsistent. She says one thing then the other day she says another thing.. it's as if she doesn't even know herself why she broke up with me or she knows but doesn't want to say the real reason. Also.. when she broke up with me,she listed alllllllllll the things I had done wrong throughout the relationship. I told her why she didn't tell me before and she said "everytime i wanted to confront you, you would get mad" (not true) and she said she hinted at me a lot.

I was at her house when she broke up with me and I stayed there for a 2 weeks after we broke up. It was also my birthday and she spent nearly $200 on gifts and birthday stuff (she bought me 2 cakes as well). She would still hold my hand when we would go places.. but at the same time.. she was talking to this guy constantly on her phone. And as time went by.. she started having feelings for him... and became sexual with him as well (phone sex) which promptly made me leave her house. I was really broken at that point..

It's been like 5 weeks now and she found out recently that the guy she was talking to wasn't quite honest with her and that his ex girlfriend came back into the picture with his kid. It made her feel ashamed, conflicted,confused and she was super hurt. She told her best friend that she was going to stop talking to him but she still insists on keeping contact with him.

Meanwhile.. we haven't really been in touch. I was advised to give her a lot of space and to go on a no contact with her.
Her best friend told me that she told him that she was completely over me and there would be no chance of me getting back with her. But she's contacted me on her own quite a lot after he told me that.. and when we have conversations, I can still make her laugh and be playful with each other. But at the same time.. sometimes she seems very very uninterested not engaged in conversations and she still makes a point to talk to that guy.. which I know she still feels for him. Which makes me wonder if she still feels for me..

On her Facebook.. she still has all of our romantic pictures up for everyone to see, she still holds on all my gifts to her (from what her family members told me) and in one of our recent conversations she said she want me to give her my favorite pair of slippers...

I really want her back. I just don't know how to go about it anymore.. she gives me a lot of mixed signals. I dont know how to attack the situation to be on my favor.

Any help or advice that I can use to make her come back to me?


P.S she has mentioned a lot to me and her family members that I was an amazing man. But that she just wasn't happy with me she felt disconnected to me and that we were just not compatible but insists on saying I am an amazing guy.

Mate, it's going to sound harsh, but you just dodged a whore bullet. She was emotionally unfaithful to you, end of story. She doesn't give a flying fuck about you, so stop wasting your time with this bitch and instead work on yourself or find a good woman.

 

[Pin]

Hi everyone,
I am an ENTJ,

Hey! Me too.

I met my ex girlfriend 2 years ago and we clicked right away, she fell in love with me with almost no effort on my part. I think my charisma did all the work to be honest.. anyway.. we dated for 2 years and it was a long distance relationship, but I made it work.

Understood.

I would drive regularly to her house to make sure we had physical contact with each other. Our relationship was filled with fun, activities, outings, travelling, always treated her like a queen.. however i've had my good loads of immaturity like.. losing a game.. i wouldn't take it well.

Man... I've been there too.

Romance was obviously not my strong side as well. We had our share of fights and arguments. But I honestly didn't think much of it. I often asked her to talk to me when I knew there was something wrong, like I could feel something was bothering her, but she would insist that everything was fine..

I'm not very patient as well. It's her fault for being so passive-aggressive.

Her whole family absolutely adores me, they think I am a keeper and they just have good things to say about me, they dont understand why she broke up with me. And.... her reasons are very very inconsistent. She says one thing then the other day she says another thing.. it's as if she doesn't even know herself why she broke up with me or she knows but doesn't want to say the real reason. Also.. when she broke up with me,she listed alllllllllll the things I had done wrong throughout the relationship. I told her why she didn't tell me before and she said "everytime i wanted to confront you, you would get mad" (not true) and she said she hinted at me a lot.

Jesus Christ.

I was at her house when she broke up with me and I stayed there for a 2 weeks after we broke up. It was also my birthday and she spent nearly $200 on gifts and birthday stuff (she bought me 2 cakes as well). She would still hold my hand when we would go places.. but at the same time.. she was talking to this guy constantly on her phone. And as time went by.. she started having feelings for him... and became sexual with him as well (phone sex) which promptly made me leave her house. I was really broken at that point..

It's been like 5 weeks now and she found out recently that the guy she was talking to wasn't quite honest with her and that his ex girlfriend came back into the picture with his kid. It made her feel ashamed, conflicted,confused and she was super hurt. She told her best friend that she was going to stop talking to him but she still insists on keeping contact with him.

She left you, screws a loser, then doubles down on her decision to communicate with that loser.

Jesus Christ.

Meanwhile.. we haven't really been in touch. I was advised to give her a lot of space and to go on a no contact with her.
Her best friend told me that she told him that she was completely over me and there would be no chance of me getting back with her. But she's contacted me on her own quite a lot after he told me that.. and when we have conversations, I can still make her laugh and be playful with each other. But at the same time.. sometimes she seems very very uninterested not engaged in conversations and she still makes a point to talk to that guy.. which I know she still feels for him. Which makes me wonder if she still feels for me..

Enough.

She made this mess, let her stew in her own filth.

On her Facebook.. she still has all of our romantic pictures up for everyone to see, she still holds on all my gifts to her (from what her family members told me) and in one of our recent conversations she said she want me to give her my favorite pair of slippers...

Don't you dare give her your god-damned slippers.

I really want her back. I just don't know how to go about it anymore.. she gives me a lot of mixed signals. I dont know how to attack the situation to be on my favor.

Any help or advice that I can use to make her come back to me?

Man, get yourself a new girl. She's not worth it.

There's women everywhere.

P.S she has mentioned a lot to me and her family members that I was an amazing man. But that she just wasn't happy with me she felt disconnected to me and that we were just not compatible but insists on saying I am an amazing guy.

If she wants to be a bozo, let her be a bozo. Find a new girlfriend, preferably one that looks like a supermodel and sucks like a Hoover. Focus on improving yourself and stacking those Benjamin's.

"My haters feel like I'm better dead but I'm quite alive getting bread instead
With a better girl, with a better face,
I'm in a better place gettin' better head
"I just wanna stay broke forever".
Yeah, that's that shit no one ever said"
-G-Eazy

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Also, about the other guy, give that some time to blow over. More than likely that is what's clouding her feelings for you. If what she felt for you is still there at all, she will likely ignore it because of this other guy. Infjs are often confused about what they feel and don't know what they want sometimes, because we see several paths, and choosing one means abandoning all other great choices. Bc what if we miss out by choosing wrong?

At any rate, definitely wait until what she had with him blows over for her to show anything romantic for you, if she still wants that kind of relationship with you. Don't worry about what her best friend said, that was said while in the throes of romantic infatuation, which means once the infatuation is over, her mind could change.

Sorry April, but no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

Do not do this, my friend. As @Pin says, she's not worth it at all. In fact, you should probably give her the cold shoulder as it sounds like she needs to learn that men are not toys.

She has treated you like shit. She has been emotionally unfaithful. She has been selfish. You have found out what she's like; celebrate! You're off the hook!

Could you possibly imagine what she'd be like if you guys were married or something? Fuck that.

Walk. That's it. It's simple. Tame your inner bitch and walk.

 

[Pin]

Do not do this, my friend. As @Pin says, she's not worth it at all. In fact, you should probably give her the cold shoulder as it sounds like she needs to learn that men are not toys.

She has treated you like shit. She has been emotionally unfaithful. She has been selfish. You have found out what she's like; celebrate! You're off the hook!

Could you possibly imagine what she'd be like if you guys were married or something? Fuck that.

Walk. That's it. It's simple. Tame your inner bitch and walk.

 

[Dixie Normous]

Damn... :/

 

[Puzzlenuzzle]

I'm sorry you're going through this but really, why do you want her back?

 

[Dixie Normous]

I'm sorry you're going through this but really, why do you want her back?

I'm obviously still in love with her and I was really committed to her. I am still not over the break up.. I realise i may have things to figure out now..

 

[Puzzlenuzzle]

I'm obviously still in love with her and I was really committed to her. I am still not over the break up.. I realise i may have things to figure out now..

Can I be really honest?

 

[Dixie Normous]

Can I be really honest?

go ahead..

 

[neko]

Aw, man.. I’m sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like she was never really committed to you to begin with. I suggest trying to move on. I know right now it hurts, but you just have to mourn the relationship, man. Hang in there.

 

[Dixie Normous]

Aw, man.. I’m sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like she was never really committed to you to begin with. I suggest trying to move on. I know right now it hurts, but you just have to mourn the relationship, man. Hang in there.

Thank you

 

[JennyDaniella]

Oh boy....

I am really sorry to tell you this, but it is not worth it. Myself, I’ve also been in a long distance relationship myself with so many hurdles, and I am going to strictly tell you this: there are many people in the sea and most likely women who will treat you far more better with so much love, loyalty and respect.

Especially those who you can see in person and touch. When it comes to LDR, It’s very easy to idolize the person when they are far away and you see them with rose-colored glasses. It’s easier to overlook all the crap they have done. Been there, done that unfortunately.

For example, although I cared and loved my ex a great deal (still care about him as a person), it was unhealthy. When we broke up, I desperately wanted him back. I would’ve done anything to win him—hell, I would’ve flown to his house if I could. But he completely shut me out and rumors from friends have told me that he was having fun in bars with other people (women especially) while completely ignoring my calls and texts while I was crying my heart out back home, wanting to try to fix things. Looking back, I wish I could have a time machine and tell myself two years ago that everything will be okay. He lived in Georgia and I live in Arizona btw.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It’s not fun. It’s not pleasant. It sucks. Especially when your ex is thousands of miles away. You feel helpless because you really can’t do much from far away.

But remember this, ex’s are never worth it. They are ex’s for a reason. And it may not look like it right now, but some things happen for a reason. It’s time for you to start a new chapter with a beautiful, kind woman who can treat you faaaaar more better than your ex has.

What she did was selfish and cruel. You don’t need that. Life is too short to be wasting so much time, thoughts, and emotions for someone who doesn’t love you in the same level as you do with them. Let go.

As a woman who nearly went through the same thing as you did, it gets better. You’ll see.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

Imagine the possibility you'll never speak to her again. Sucks, doesn't it? And you know what else, you have no choice in the matter. You have no control over anyone but yourself.

 

[Dixie Normous]

Oh boy....

I am really sorry to tell you this, but it is not worth it. Myself, I’ve also been in a long distance relationship myself with so many hurdles, and I am going to strictly tell you this: there are many people in the sea and most likely women who will treat you far more better with so much love, loyalty and respect.

Especially those who you can see in person and touch. When it comes to LDR, It’s very easy to idolize the person when they are far away and you see them with rose-colored glasses. It’s easier to overlook all the crap they have done. Been there, done that unfortunately.

For example, although I cared and loved my ex a great deal (still care about him as a person), it was unhealthy. When we broke up, I desperately wanted him back. I would’ve done anything to win him—hell, I would’ve flown to his house if I could. But he completely shut me out and rumors from friends have told me that he was having fun in bars with other people (women especially) while completely ignoring my calls and texts while I was crying my heart out back home, wanting to try to fix things. Looking back, I wish I could have a time machine and tell myself two years ago that everything will be okay. He lived in Georgia and I live in Arizona btw.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It’s not fun. It’s not pleasant. It sucks. Especially when your ex is thousands of miles away. You feel helpless because you really can’t do much from far away.

But remember this, ex’s are never worth it. They are ex’s for a reason. And it may not look like it right now, but some things happen for a reason. It’s time for you to start a new chapter with a beautiful, kind woman who can treat you faaaaar more better than your ex has.

What she did was selfish and cruel. You don’t need that. Life is too short to be wasting so much time, thoughts, and emotions for someone who doesn’t love you in the same level as you do with them. Let go.

As a woman who nearly went through the same thing as you did, it gets better. You’ll see.

Thank you it means a lot.. like i said.. I think I need to realise stuff and come to peace with myself..

 

[TheGoodOlDrama]

voodoo

long distance - bullshit, always. period.
now seriously that relationship is over, you see all the hints, people will find all the boring stupid excuses to break up man, the fuck, how comes you stayed at her place after breaking up, you seem super dependant on her and that's unhealthy, ahm. she's doing her thing, like wtf phone sex? is that even real? she's not interested anymore.
i understand the pain and the anxiety but you'll be fine, just suffer, you cannot avoid that part.
to accelerate the process i recommend you to go out have fun and specially meet other girls, that'll be it.
i think you also need something to prove yourself you deserve better, so look for something that can help you with that.