Monogamy and heartbreak | INFJ Forum

Monogamy and heartbreak

Ghoulia Yelps

Ghoulia Yelps

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Dec 15, 2013
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I fell in love once, the only time in my life.
I can't get over it.
I miss cuddling so much, I can't even describe how I feel.
It was never about sex.
I miss my love and can't move on because I still love him.
Other people aren't him.
I can't love someone who doesn't have his hair and his voice.
I don't care about anyone else.
I paired for life.
Without him, I can't ever be happy.
 
Relying on someone else entirely for your own happiness in life will always lead to broken hearts and expectations being crushed. It hurts bad right now but you are stronger than you think. Life is full of endless possibilities, who knows who you may meet and love in the future. Life has a funny way of changing things in the blink of an eye at times.

Hope you are feeling better soon.
 
Those feelings and emotions are normal. Question you may want to ask is whether this person gave it their best effort? Do you want to give so much of yourself to someone who is not investing as much as you?
 
I have known that feeling..
I don't know how fresh your wounds are, but they do heal in time if you will allow it.
The only thing that helped me move on is to really think about why I felt the way I did, and how beneficial or detrimental those feelings were to my well-being. I think it's worth asking if your feelings grounded in reality or in idealizing this person and the idea of a life with them?
 
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I have been there. The feeling is overwhelming, and a lot of the time you doubt whether or not you will ever recover. Let me tell you- you will. You'll repair those wounds, build yourself again, and wear the scars of heartbreak proudly. It'll shape you, your decisions in the future, how you think about love...but you'll recover. You might even come out better :)
 
I'm a little pissed off with some of the posts in this thread.

STOP TRYING TO MINIMISE THE SCALE OF GHOULIA'S SORROW!

This kind of loss is worse than the widow's sorrow, because while it may not be as final as death, it is worse because it involves rejection.

I think a time of formal grieving would be appropriate - it might last months; or, like in the case of Queen Victoria, it might last the rest of your life.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I'm a little pissed off with some of the posts in this thread.

STOP TRYING TO MINIMISE THE SCALE OF GHOULIA'S SORROW!

This kind of loss is worse than the widow's sorrow, because while it may not be as final as death, it is worse because it involves rejection.

I think a time of formal grieving would be appropriate - it might last months; or, like in the case of Queen Victoria, it might last the rest of your life.
Click to expand...

I don't think it's minimizing to suggest that there is hope one day that you'll recover (not necessarily be free) from heartbreak. Especially when we speak from our own experiences. For those of us that have experienced a loss of a partner who we shared ourselves with and thought it would be forever, we understand the pain. However, when I was going through it, I appreciated those who understood my feelings, but also expressed that I would get through it and the pain would lessen over time.

To post about heartbreak on a forum is naturally going to open up others' experiences and opinions...I think they've all been positive- we've all shared our experience, our sadness that Ghoulia has experienced such loss...but share our own experience with it in hopes of providing some source of relief that the pain might not be forever.
 
say what said:
I don't think it's minimizing to suggest that there is hope one day that you'll recover (not necessarily be free) from heartbreak. Especially when we speak from our own experiences. For those of us that have experienced a loss of a partner who we shared ourselves with and thought it would be forever, we understand the pain. However, when I was going through it, I appreciated those who understood my feelings, but also expressed that I would get through it and the pain would lessen over time.

To post about heartbreak on a forum is naturally going to open up others' experiences and opinions...I think they've all been positive- we've all shared our experience, our sadness that Ghoulia has experienced such loss...but share our own experience with it in hopes of providing some source of relief that the pain might not be forever.
Click to expand...

There, there... You'll get over it.

Is that the sentiment?
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I'm a little pissed off with some of the posts in this thread.

STOP TRYING TO MINIMISE THE SCALE OF GHOULIA'S SORROW!
Click to expand...

Way to make this thread about you bro!
 
Flavus Aquila said:
I'm a little pissed off with some of the posts in this thread.

STOP TRYING TO MINIMISE THE SCALE OF GHOULIA'S SORROW!

This kind of loss is worse than the widow's sorrow, because while it may not be as final as death, it is worse because it involves rejection.

I think a time of formal grieving would be appropriate - it might last months; or, like in the case of Queen Victoria, it might last the rest of your life.
Click to expand...
I don't think anyone is trying to minimize Ghoulia's sorrow. People just want to help.
 
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Flavus Aquila said:
There, there... You'll get over it.

Is that the sentiment?
Click to expand...

It's understanding and accepting the fact that life goes on, regardless of whatever you're feeling- it doesn't minimize anything, it's just understanding the natural fact that an experience in time happens, and you slowly move further away from it...and from what I experienced, as you move further away from it, the pain becomes more bearable.

I'm all for accepting and embracing your emotions- I believe it's how we cope...but I also believe that when someone is going through a hard time, you can provide them with some comfort knowing that others have gotten through, even when they thought they couldn't.


Me making light of someone's feelings would be more like this:

Flavus Aquila said:
I'm a little pissed off with some of the posts in this thread.
Click to expand...

There...there...you'll get through it. :m161:
 
I have been offered bereavement counselling, because I feel just like someone has died.
There is a huge gaping wound in my chest which can't be healed.
I ache because I need someone's arms around me and to be rocked to sleep.
 
It can be tough to go through this kind of experience. It's more than ok to mourn your love. I hope you come away from this experience with a renewed strength and a sense of comfort, having loved so completely, and that this experience can only enhance your understanding of what it means to be with someone and give your all. <3
 
Don't take this the wrong way. I may be wrong. It would seem you might have some co-dependency issues wrapped up in the situation. Not to take away from the pain of your loss. It's just that I too have been in love and realized through it that I had some co-dependency going on. It is a really easy behaviour for NF's to fall into. Once again I may be wrong, I apologize if I am and mean no offense.
 
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I think co dependency is the same thing but the wrong word. We were each other.
 
I don't think loving people deeply is a codependent trait unless you aren't able to let go. Just because I let people go doesn't mean I stop loving them. I've only been in love 3 times in my life. I get to know people in a very deep way I can't even describe. It hurts letting go but I do the best I can. I've learned you can't have your cake and eat it too. Which means, I have to let go 100% and go away ... because I don't want to die (be in a codependent situation etc.). I'd rather live with my heart in pain then to be dying in a fog. I think it's okay that you still love someone, but you must understand that there are millions of reasons to be happy, despite whatever pain your heart carries. The heart is a very deep place. You don't need to limit it's capacity of emotions.
 
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