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[INFJ] Mixed Signals from Male INFJ

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by ShyINFJ, Apr 24, 2017.

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  1. ShyINFJ

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    Hello everyone!

    I am a shy female INFJ. I have this friend who is an INFJ and I've known him for about 4 years now. We have always hung out casually as we are part of the same friend group.
    Even if this might seem a bit ridiculous, I have had a crush on him 3 times.
    He is quite a reserved INFJ but he still has quite a few friends. Recently, he has been initiating conversations with me and we are performing together at a talent show. He came around to my house and the conversation didn't seem awkward at all, we laughed and it felt nice.
    He is on social media a lot and talks to me quite often: sometimes he seems really approachable, sending lots of smiley faces, music recommendations. We often talk about photography as well and we have recently been posting the same comments on each others photos as a kind of joke. But sometimes he can seem quite distant and when we see each other at school, we don't often talk; it seems awkward and he seems more able to talk to my friends. (Around my friends I am more "outgoing" and weird). But when we do talk, he often smiles quite a lot and when my friends tease him about talking and "flirting" with other girls, he looks at me, smiles in a kind, surprised and awkward way and denies it.
    I haven't been able to ask him out because he has usually asked other, more outgoing girls out and I am too shy to ask.
    I no longer know what to make of the situation as I fear that I am overanalysing everything he says or does! If you have any ideas about what you think he thinks of me, please let know!
    Thank you !
     
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  2. Piotrek Dzierzynski

    Piotrek Dzierzynski Regular Poster

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    As an INFJ male, I tend to be very cautious and I do a lot of observation and discrimination before I make the next move. I often approach things and people in much the same way, and tend to be drawn most to those who are also pragmatic and careful.

    This kind of reticence should not be confused with shyness or insecurity.

    I can tell you that I best responded to subtle cues from a woman in the beginning, one who was attentive and discriminating, and who was being genuine and not toying with me or my feelings.

    It was an extended process, but someone who had a serious interest in me would stick it through. In my relationship, it was this constant back and forth of watching for cues and carefully putting things out, and perhaps occasionally being mildly bold.

    What will end this for me is someone who simply does not get it, is dishonest, overly aggressive, ingenuine, and looking to use me. I will discover this soon enough. You may not get the INFJ door slam, but it will certainly close.
     
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  3. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

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    @ShyINFJ it sounds like your both shy! Maybe you should talk to him about your feelings, however cautiously or subtlety - test the water and see what the response is. At least he'll know then how you feel and you may get a positive response back, or if not, maybe still the chance to be friends. With two shy people someone's got to make the move, you could be underestimating how much he likes you as well. In any case what ever the outcome, at least your more likely to know....and if it really is a case of mixed signals and this goes on after your conversation, it may be easier to call it out if you continue not knowing where you stand.
     
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    #3 Littlelissa, Apr 30, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2017
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