[INFJ] - Met an INTP woman online, I'm doubting my ENFP relationship | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Met an INTP woman online, I'm doubting my ENFP relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by AlienPC94, Jun 3, 2021.

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  1. AlienPC94

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    So, I'm an INFJ woman in a lesbian relationship with an ENFP. We've been together for almost 5 years. The relationship was magical in the beginning. We complemented each other perfectly. She would put up with my mood swings and what not. I've calmed down a lot and became very stable. I would energize her in return and try to mentally stimulate her, but.... the relationship became very boring since 4 years ago and I am referring as in sexually and mentally. I do love her but am I in love ? I don't think so to be honest. I don't think she's on my level, intellectually. She's so not a creative person. She has a hard time understanding my ideas, my abstract concepts... so now I just keep them to myself.

    Now, believe me when I say I've talked to her about this hundreds and hundreds of times. I swear I have. I've told her that she needs to spice things up in bed 100s of times but nothing ever changes. She is robotic, not creative at all. Her sex drive is so low compared to mine. I just always felt like there was more and I even became very depressed for a period of time because I thought there was something wrong with me.

    I met this INTP woman online a few months ago. I wasn't deliberately looking to cheat, I swear. She simply added me and since then, things grew slowly but steadily and one day, we both realized we had feelings for each other even though we are both in relationships. When I say I have feelings for her, I mean I am going crazy for her. I had never met anyone so charming, someone that made me feel this type of rush without even touching me. It's as if I have always been missing something in relationships, I never knew what it was but it now it all makes sense. I am legit out of my mind. The way that I connect with her emotionally, intellectually and in all other ways is insane. It's making me doubt everything I've ever known about love.

    I know I already am kind of bored and hopeless about my relationship but has anyone ever experienced something similar ? Seriously. The INFJ and INTP bond is otherworldly.


     
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  2. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    o.o
     
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  3. slant

    slant Roll with the punches
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    You should leave her. Your girlfriend deserves better, somebody who actually cares about her. Clearly you don't.

    Hopefully the INTP wises up and leaves you too.
     
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  4. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
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    What do you think you should do? Why haven't you done it yet?
     
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  5. OP
    AlienPC94

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    I get that it's so easy to judge considering that you don't know how much effort I put into the relationship and how much I practically begged her to try to be better for us. I kindly respect your opinion.
     
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  6. OP
    AlienPC94

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    I have never cheated in my life... ever. I am being very cautious because I am questioning everything I thought I knew about relationships and love. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm not sure what to do to be honest.. My heart is leading me to the INTP woman..
     
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  7. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Yeah!
    Why haven't you given in to the INTP?
     
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  8. slant

    slant Roll with the punches
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    Leave her. Get it over with.
     
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  9. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Date them both!
     
  10. OP
    AlienPC94

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    Thank you for the good advice hahaha. That would certainly be an unforgettable adventure... lol
     
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  11. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    If you want to break up, that's your decision, and your judgment whether it's right.

    In terms of the INTP woman, tell her what you want, and ask her if she has a solution.
     
  12. mintoots

    mintoots slow cooker
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    Be aware however of the pain the decisions will bring. Whichever you do or do not, betrayal and pain is already there as things have already transpired. The best you can do in my opinion is to cut the wounds surgically clean and prepare for its aftermath.
     
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    #12 mintoots, Jun 3, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
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  13. Hba5h65

    Hba5h65 Community Member

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    I don't think it's healthy for you or your partner to stay in a relationship that's making you so unhappy. If you feel you've already talked about this many times with her and there's nothing more can be done then I suggest moving on.

    I wouldn't focus on the MBTI types, in this situation.

    Have you only met the new woman online? Then if you actually do get together irl she might not seem so great after awhile either. I think your focus right now needs to be on your current relationship and making a clear decision about what steps to take next.
     
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  14. Bellosome

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    Leave both and sort yourself out first.
     
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  15. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome
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    Prepare for this to end badly.
    You need to break up with your girlfriend whether or not you're interested in anyone else. You don't want this relationship. It isn't fulfilling.
    Things may not work out with the INTP.
     
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  16. QuirkyLemonFlower

    QuirkyLemonFlower Well-known member

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    If you've been trying for five years and not getting what you want or the relationship is not going anywhere, that's pretty indicative of what you should do to be honest.
    And as everyone else has said above, prepare for it to be a difficult period.

    Also before pursuing another relationship, give yourself a break before going in to another relationship because although this new person seems really appealing right now it will most likely be a rebound since it's different from your current relationship and more often than not these relationships also end really badly too.
    And as you've met this person online, you don't really know them at all and they may not even be what they seem to you right now.
     
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  17. John K

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    You talk about your INTP friend in a very similar way to how you describe your early relationship with your partner. My gut reaction is that you probably want something from a long term relationship that is being forgotten and drowned out in your heady rush of intoxication with the glamour of the other in the early stages of a new relationship. Perhaps before you go charging into the new and abandoning the old, you should take stock, and think very hard about what you need long term. In all relationships, the early mystery and attraction of the other fades, and what keeps us together over 5, 10, 20, 50 years is very different (and doesn't present as glamour) from what first attracted us.

    It's quite possible that if you do leave your current partner for your INTP friend, you will be in exactly the same place a few years from now. Is that what you want?
     
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    #17 John K, Jun 3, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
  18. o2b

    o2b Community Member

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    At a high level, I think it's a well known phenomenon that readiness for a relationship with someone requires no entanglement with another and a decent period of time emotionally processing the past relationship.
     
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  19. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Reminds me of this.

    If I were you I'd end the current relationship if you're plagued with this much doubt. Since you're just dating, not married, you're basically free to leave at any time.

    Be prepared for your partner to have hurt feelings though. If they're not hurt though, you're free to leave.
     
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  20. mintoots

    mintoots slow cooker
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    I was also wondering what the types of each were on about here in this post. Were you wondering if such connection with an INTP was a typical experience based solely on mbti? If so, it really isn't an automatic thing. Some INFJs hate other fellow INFJs and not all INTPs are really automatically special either. They're pretty likeable but I think the mbti itself is not a cause for attraction or otherwise. I think it's simply a convenient means to assessing how their brains are torqued, but essentially people are as different as they are even within types.
     
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