MBTI & Relationships

[Gaze]

With @Sriracha 's approval, I created this thread to explore something interesting she said about what particular types look for in relationships.

I don't think what an ISFJ desires is that much different than what any other "normal" woman would desire from a relationship ... except that while you are looking for your "soulmate", an ISFJ is looking for a "teammate."

This is an interesting point. Not to overgeneralize or overstereotype but I think there is probably some similarities across types in what they're looking for in a relationship, outside of physical aspects.

For what I see, INFJs and INFPs tend to look for and value soulmate connections because they are idealists while other types probably value something else.

Disclaimer: Don't worry, I won't close this thread or reprimand anyone for their responses.

 

[Sriracha]

I think regardless, everyone has an idea of who they want to be as their "partner in crime." I remember believing in the "soul-mate" connection, but to be quite honest ... my perception of such was skewed during my dating years when it seemed my boyfriends were FAR MORE interested in me than I was them. At the same time, I don't ever remember being mushy (maybe only with my first love) ... and often times was off-put or embarassed by overly mushy behavior. I think "team-mate" is a much more realistic word (again the idealism vs. realism lol), b/c other factors exist outside of emotion in order for a relationship to work if the people want the relationship to progress. I'll make a "sensor" statement: "Love doesn't pay the bills." lol

 

[Gaze]

Speaking as an NF . . .

Funny enough, I wasn't very touch feely when I was younger. I was very romantic in my ideas about love and doe-eyed when I liked someone as a young adult . Honestly, I didn't even think about the day to day aspects of relationships. I believed and thought quite a bit about "everlasting" love. It my first thought to think of the practical aspects of relationships. Just assumed everything would fall into place if I found "the one." Of course, nothing is ever so simple. But as for showing and expressing affection, I wasn't very physically affectionate, even with family. I was always very cautious about who I was affectionate with. I only say this because I think people assume that if you're "romantic" or idealistic in your views of love, then you're naturally a very physically affectionate person, which isn't always the case.

 

[Faye]

Don't you need to be both soul mates and teammates? You have to work together on both the practical and romantic sides of the relationship.

 

[barbad0s]

"Lifelong teammate" sounds exceedingly romantic to me. IMO whoever fits the bill with that is probably a soulmate.

 

[Sriracha]

"Lifelong teammate" sounds exceedingly romantic to me. IMO whoever fits the bill with that is probably a soulmate.

I think that's an interesting concept. My perspective of a soulmate was one that consisted of that over the top idealistic emotional connection with another person, almost a sharing of one identity ... a bonding of two energies without the effort (unicorns and skittles.) Pretty much the "teammate" becomes the same concept over time in a physical sense ... there is just not the emotional fluff. You begin realize through experience that it's a slim to none chance that this person even exists, but in the meantime you are passing up the ability to have a great relationship with someone. It's as though "soulmate" is proactive and "teammate" is reactive.

Looking for a teammate: Loyal ... check, work ethic ... check, stable/secure ... check. There's not much else than that, because it all comes later.

It took 15 years of marriage to realize this. To grow with one another, to be flexible in the needs/wants of the self and other, to understand each other's style of communication, to help the other where they fall short and visa versa. It's in all of this work, you realize that you are one individual.

What is funny is most recently with all the issues going on regarding the other parents from my kids activities, Mr.S had to learn the hard way that you treat a married couple as one person (NEVER separate the two.) Some may not agree with that statement, and I won't make a thread about it b/c there aren't many people on this forum who are in this stage in life. It's safer to assume that the married couple has each other's backs; instead of separating the two and thinking you could be friends with one, but not the other.