Maternal instinct . . . | INFJ Forum

Maternal instinct . . .

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Is Maternal Instinct Really Instinct?

Are you one of those women who never felt like she had the "maternal instinct"? Are you still nervous that you won't know what to do when your baby cries? Are you still waiting for it to magically kick in now that you're pregnant? Many women experience such anxiety, but researchers are now studying whether maternal instinct may in fact be something we learn and not something we're born with.

One scientist who believes that mothering behavior is learned and not instinctual is Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, professor emeritus of anthropology at the University of California at Davis and author of Mother Nature: A History of Mothers, Infants, and Natural Selection. Hrdy has studied primates for more than three decades and believes that the desire of a mother to care for a child depends on her desire to be a mother and the amount of time spent bonding together. Although she concedes that maternal responses exist, she believes they are biologically conditioned, but not true instincts. In an interview with Salon.com she said, "A woman who is committed to being a mother will learn to love any baby, whether it's her own or not; a woman not committed to or prepared for being a mother may well not be prepared to love any baby, not even her own."

Hrdy argues that human babies are genetically engineered to convince their parents that they are worth raising, citing the plumpness of human babies (not seen in other primates) and their irresistible smile as examples. And given the right circumstances, even fathers can display maternal behavior, as seen in 1986 when a small boy fell into the gorilla enclosure at the Jersey Zoo in the United Kingdom and was - surprisingly - protected by an otherwise aggressive male silverback gorilla.

According to Hrdy, natural selection is the primary reason that males do not typically display maternal behavior. The paternity of a child can always be questioned, and if a male were to spend his time tending to offspring that were not his own, he could be limiting his own gene pool. But because maternity is never in doubt, females are more naturally inclined to tend to babies.

Hrdy acknowledges that in order to survive, babies must become attached to a caregiver, but she contends that the individual need not be the infant's biological mother. It is simply because of birth and lactation that the baby will probably form its closest relationship with its mother and she in turn will be motivated to care for the baby.

According to Craig Kinsley, PhD, "The mammalian female brain expresses a great deal of plasticity and creativity in service to, and in support of, reproduction. In other words, mothers are made, not born."

Kinsley and his colleagues in the departments of psychology at the University of Richmond and Randolph Macon College have shown that upon becoming a mother, a female rat's learning, memory, time management and efficiency improve. The brains of these rats actually change to enhance spatial ability and reduce fear and anxiety to help the new mothers care for and protect her offspring. In addition, the new rat mothers developed better hunting skills, taking just 70 seconds to track, attack and kill a cricket, compared to the 290 seconds it took childless rats.

Scientists on the other side of the maternal instinct debate have begun monitoring brain waves of new parents and have discovered maternal brain activity that points to genetic hardwiring. Researchers at Medical University of South Carolina found that mothers had a more widespread reaction to their infant's cries than in response to an unrelated infant's cries, and a greater response than the baby's father. While fathers showed increased activity only in parts of the brain thought to be more involved in thinking, distinguishing between sensations, and motor planning (posterior neocortical and cerebellar regions), mothers showed an increase in those areas as well as the limbic and basal forebrain regions, which are important in emotional responses.

According to Jeffrey Lorberbaum, MD who led the study, "Mothers may be very attuned to their own infant as they activate widespread brain regions including ancient regions believed to be important in rodent maternal behavior. Fathering behavior may be less hardwired and a more recent evolutionary phenomenon as fathers only activate newer regions of the brain involved in sensory discrimination, cognition, and motor planning in response to cries."

However, Hrdy maintains that "maternal responses that are biologically based are surely going on in the human species." But she believes that the bonding that takes place between mother and child occurs due to the flood of chemicals and hormones that occurs during pregnancy and after birth, and deepens the longer the baby is close. But this is not the definition of an instinct and although we may be vulnerable to maternal impulses, we are not "controlled or defined by them."

So if you are concerned that you aren't feeling as motherly as your friends or sisters, relax. Much of what is considered "maternal instinct" may not develop until you have spent time with your baby and developed a close bond. But the intuition that will tell you just what to do and special love for your baby will most certainly grow.
http://www.parentingweekly.com/pregnancy/breathingspace/vol39/pregnancy_health_fitness.asp
 
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Is Maternal Instinct Really Instinct?


So if you are concerned that you aren't feeling as motherly as your friends or sisters, relax. Much of what is considered "maternal instinct" may not develop until you have spent time with your baby and developed a close bond. But the intuition that will tell you just what to do and special love for your baby will most certainly grow.

+10. I have personally witnessed a mother feeling the
 
+10. I have personally witnessed a mother feeling the “instinct” that connects her to her child. I do know it exists.

@headache Yeah, i think this may be a relief for some mothers who may feel guilty for not feeling that maternal instinct immediately after they have children.
 
When I left the hospital with my first born, I kept thinking "Are the doctors and nurses really letting me take my baby home?".

I still have my doubts, I do think part of it is learned and maybe some of it is biological, but if so, maybe I'm missing that gene. I certainly love love love and feel connected with my daughters, other than that I'm pretty clueless as a mother. Everything I have done with my daughters is because I have learned it through my parents or I've been taught/told. Knowledge doesn't just come to me. I learn as I go. Now I know my kids well enough to unconsciously pick up on their needs or problems.
 
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I think this is an interesting question about nature vs nurture. Is the way we're brought up leading us to not develop our instinct of nurturing our child as well as nature intends?

If you think about it, that kind of makes sense. My generation especially has trouble being independent and I think that the extension of adolescence into our 20's may have an effect on how we take care of our children.
 
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When I left the hospital with my first born, I kept thinking "Are the doctors and nurses really letting me take my baby home?".

I know what this feels like! It sure was scary to take our firstborn home and accept the responsibility of parenthood. Three days later, exhausted from no sleep, not knowing what to do with a colicky newborn, I thought to myself, "what did we do to our lives?" A firstborn sure makes parents grow up fast. Now he's a 28 year old, successful INTJ who knows everything (or so he seems to think)! Our second, an INFJ, was a much easier baby, whether because of his personality or our greater experience, I don't know.

I don't know about being maternal, but I certainly have fatherly feelings about some people here and IRL.
 
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It’s important for first time moms to know that not everything goes perfect. And when something doesn’t go just right, it’s not the end of the world, and they aren’t bad moms because something wasn’t perfect.

For instance, upon the birth of my daughter, mom had difficulty nursing. Moms’ nipples were so tiny that our daughter couldn’t suckle.

Well, mom was upset over this and felt as if she was defective. But, the nursing staff at the hospital explained to her that this is very common in a lot of new moms. The hospital already had the solution. They gave mom this little flexible “add-on” nipple. This device had a raised tip that emulated a nipple, and had holes for breast milk to flow through.

Mom simply had to place this over her own nipple and then let our daughter nurse. The suction created from breast-feeding action caused the breast milk to flow out moms’ nipple, then through this device, and into baby’s mouth.

This is just one example to illustrate for new moms that being a mom is a never ending, but wonderful job. And just like a job where you punch a time clock, some days don’t flow exactly perfect. But, when those days happen, you don’t up and quit your job. You just know tomorrow is another day to learn.
 
I know what this feels like! It sure was scary to take our firstborn home and accept the responsibility of parenthood. Three days later, exhausted from no sleep, not knowing what to do with a colicky newborn, I thought to myself, "what did we do to our lives?" A firstborn sure makes parents grow up fast. Now he's a 28 year old, successful INTJ who knows everything (or so he seems to think)! Our second, an INFJ, was a much easier baby, whether because of his personality or our greater experience, I don't know.

I don't know about being maternal, but I certainly have fatherly feelings about some people here and IRL.

My youngest had colic, I can't imagine having it with a firstborn. I was a nervous wreck for a few months but fortunately it doesn't last!

It sounds like you really lucked out in kids :)
 
It sounds like you really lucked out in kids :)

We had three rules. We controlled and limited screen time. We ate dinner together every night as a family. And, we read to the kids every night before bed. I think kids need to have strong "rituals" or habits every night that change and accommodate according to age and school grade. On the other hand, I believe it is important for parents to avoid intruding too much into their children's childhood experience. Some parents these days seem to over-schedule their kids so that every second is taken up with a planned and directed activity. Kids don't have a moment to think for themselves or daydream. When I was a kid in the fifties and sixties we would play ball for hours on end and our parents never told us how to spend our time except when it came to doing our homework. When parents excessively push their kids to be excellent students and to do all kinds of extra-curricular activities they should ask themselves, "to what end?" What's the point? If a kid isn't self motivated, no amount of pressure or parental "hovering" is going to make him or her a prodigy. Parents should provide a safe, nurturing environment for kids where they can explore their interests themselves. Parents should encourage their kids to study hard and be good students, not so they can fulfill the parents' goals, but so that they keep options open and have choices open to them when they decide what they want to do in life.

Our kids have succeeded in the ways that most parents would wish for. So, yes, even though we tried hard and did our best, we know that we have been lucky. Babies don't come with an operations manual, so you just have to follow your instincts, listen to advice, and learn by trial and error. It can be exhausting and scary, but also, exhilarating and incredibly rewarding.
 
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