Love is as love does: True or False? | INFJ Forum

Love is as love does: True or False?

Gaze

Gaze

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Love is most often described as a feeling first and an action second, but yet we experience and give love in different ways. For many, love is a feeling, and doing or actions are an expression of that feeling, but on the other hand, many define love entirely through the act of doing. If you can't show love, then it's believed you don't feel love. Funny thing is, we define love in some many ways, and what is love for one is too little or not enough for another.

So, do you believe that love is as love does? Can love simply exist as a feeling without visible actions to complement it or must love do as well as feel in order to be considered true and real?
 
Well, you're asking INFJ's so your answers are going to be leaning towards the more idealistic. Yes, I think it can exist as a pure feeling without actions attached to it. Unrequited love is one of the great themes of poetry and prose. It's not present in many, for most need actions (stimulas) to keep this feeling. But for the feelers, it can be just as powerful as the other types of love. I think you have to be NF to really understand (i.e. to "feel") it. It's akin to those of us who do not ever really stop loving someone once we have started. You may not want to be with that person anymore, but they will always have a place in your heart.
 
Restraint said:
Love is most often described as a feeling first and an action second, but yet we experience and give love in different ways. For many, love is a feeling, and doing or actions are an expression of that feeling, but on the other hand, many define love entirely through the act of doing. If you can't show love, then it's believed you don't feel love. Funny thing is, we define love in some many ways, and what is love for one is too little or not enough for another.

So, do you believe that love is as love does? Can love simply exist as a feeling without visible actions to complement it or must love do as well as feel in order to be considered true and real?
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It's a feeling isn't it? I thought that was a given...

I mean, if the case is otherwise, then humans stop loving others every time they go to sleep or go unconscious by other means (knocked out; in a coma; etc) and every time they aren't doing things for others. I doubt this alternative possibility reflects reality accurately.
 
From my experience, love is a feeling that provokes actions. I mean, strong, deep love would drive you crazy if you didn't express at least part of it in some way.
 
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Restraint said:
Love is most often described as a feeling first and an action second, but yet we experience and give love in different ways. For many, love is a feeling, and doing or actions are an expression of that feeling, but on the other hand, many define love entirely through the act of doing. If you can't show love, then it's believed you don't feel love. Funny thing is, we define love in some many ways, and what is love for one is too little or not enough for another.

So, do you believe that love is as love does? Can love simply exist as a feeling without visible actions to complement it or must love do as well as feel in order to be considered true and real?
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I see love as a state of being. Feelings and actions might be a way of influencing or expressing love, but ultimately, in my opinion, it is a state you enter into in regards to another object/being.

I think love means wanting to see someone do well, prosper, and be healthy. Many times your emotions in this state will overpower your logic and you may act seleflessly or focus so much energy on whatever you love, that other (sometimes obvious) things may go unnoticed.
 
Yes, i think so. Love is love. It is magic by itself. We don't have to see for results when we are in love. Love just expresses all things within yourselves, if you are doing so by heart. You are going to give your heart. You know, heart always wins over mind because it respects to our feelings first. Love is another name sacrifice. You are go-giver in love. You want someone happy with you or without you.

I think, i understand love in this way.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I mean, strong, deep love would drive you crazy if you didn't express at least part of it in some way.
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Truer words were never spoken. It's a maddening thing to have held in, that it is.

I'll say that it's something that definitely inspires pursuit at the very least, although the most self-confidence lacking of folks may struggle greatly from this I thing.

That said, the feeling is also perhaps the most wonderful thing in the world to express. Like, two weeks of happy, whimsical skipping and whistling and laughing uncontrollably in the best of ways.

Unrequited love though... it's possible, just something that seems almost more a tragedy than anything else in my eyes.
 
I agree that love is a state of being. As an ESTP I must show love when I feel it (kissing, hugging, talking, staying in touch, writing, etc.) However, I have learned in time that not everyone loves the same, so I don't assume someone doesn't love me if he/she isn't affectionate.
 
CokeNut said:
. . . so I don't assume someone doesn't love me if he/she isn't affectionate.
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Quite true, but yet many of us still continue to act on this belief that if someone doesn't express love the way we think someone who loves should, then they do not love us as much as we love them.

Not being as affectionate is a classic example. The person who is not as affectionate as their partner is often told they they do not "love" enough. So, this is why love as feeling v. doing can be a bit difficult to deal with.

Fact is today, we tend to associate feeling with doing, and it is difficult for many to understand love outside of that.
 
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I am very fortunate to have dated an INFJ (we are no longer an item, but he introduced me to this forum,) and more so to have mothered one. So I guess my personal experience has been that I know they love me beacuse they put up with my crap even though they REALLY REALLY just want me to leave them alone :)
 
CokeNut said:
I am very fortunate to have dated an INFJ (we are no longer an item, but he introduced me to this forum,) and more so to have mothered one. So I guess my personal experience has been that I know they love me beacuse they put up with my crap even though they REALLY REALLY just want me to leave them alone :)
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So, love then is just as much about what they don't do as a sign of respect rather than what they do to show their affection?
 
randomsomeone said:
Love without some action is not real love.
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Really? My INFJs loved, and love me, but those suckers could go weeks without picking up a phone or communicating, LOL! Maybe its because they know I'll do it first?

Shoot even being in the same house I have to litterally beg for attention. My son is a bit better, but that's because he's scared of his mother ... the way it should be.
 
My ESTP friend had to basically teach me to communicate often. I still suck at it, but I do call/contact him daily because I know it's really important to him
 
I would think that those that love would be willing to do what ever is needed to show that they love, but then I don't really know what love is anyway.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
From my experience, love is a feeling that provokes actions. I mean, strong, deep love would drive you crazy if you didn't express at least part of it in some way.
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that makes sense. so thats why i've been driving myself up the wall hehe:md:

Questingpoet said:
Well, you're asking INFJ's so your answers are going to be leaning towards the more idealistic. Yes, I think it can exist as a pure feeling without actions attached to it. Unrequited love is one of the great themes of poetry and prose. It's not present in many, for most need actions (stimulas) to keep this feeling. But for the feelers, it can be just as powerful as the other types of love. I think you have to be NF to really understand (i.e. to "feel") it. It's akin to those of us who do not ever really stop loving someone once we have started. You may not want to be with that person anymore, but they will always have a place in your heart.
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I agree.

bleh I think love is the most annoying and wonderful thing to happen to mankind
 
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