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lost in cyberspace

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Morgain, Jan 10, 2010.

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  1. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    I'm starting to realise how emotional addicting cyberspace can be

    there is this person I have met on internet who I connect with very much. He doesn't want to take this "relationship" further into real life etc. And that is fine with me. I've got amazing chats with him. I learn a lot, he widens my perception ...

    but I see now, I'm totaly emotional attached to him. A few days ago he decided (trough email) to stop every contact we have because he toughed I was afraid of him, that I maybe am to afraid to stop it myself. I answered him that that was not the case and that I can take care of myself! He didn't answer me for days so it seemed like I lost contact with him forever, he was lost in cyberspace. Today he reappeared on the chat and we talked for many hours. I tried to convince him I'm not afraid but he didn't bit it. And now he left me again questioning whether we should stop all contact or not.

    this makes me realise.
    1. cyberspace connections are easy to make and easy to break. And it hurt a lot when a connection, where you have put your heart and soul in, breaks
    2. it is easy to become emotional dependent on someone else on cyberspace. More than it is in real life. I don't know what I hate the most: knowing that I will never talk to him again; or hopeful waiting for him to come back. I don't know what I want the most: breaking all contact for my hearts safety; or hopefully withing and asking each day where he is and why I left me...

    and it makes me wonder:
    how real was this connection anyway? I don't know his name, I have never seen his face. Was it real or was it all just a dream? I know a piece of his inside but in the mean time, he is not more than words on a screen. And easily can disappear in cyberspace like he never has been there...

    do you guys have these problems and how do you deal with it?
     
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  2. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    The problem is, you got connected to someone who doesn't, and won't, feel the same way. If he said he didn't wanna take a relationship offline with you, it's only gonna hurt like hell if you continue on as if there could be a chance- or getting emotionally invested.

    I agree online relationships are easy to break- I can't say they're easy to start though in my experience.

    The key is to find someone who feels the same way as you. If you can do that and they are trustworthy, honest and have your real interests at heart it can go well. Not all online relationships are terrible failures waiting to happen like everyone makes them out to be.
     
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  3. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Sadly, just like with 'face-to-face' friendships, when they end, you just have to learn to move on. It doesn't mean that all the communication you had with this person was without value. Far from it, everything we give out to the world is somehow and in some way returned to us. You may have learned something valuable through this shared communication. You may even have an archive of what you wrote, which will be valuable for later reflection. It wasn't a dream. Not any more than the rest of what we experience in life. Anyway, I wish you well with your future friendships and interactions, whether online or otherwise. :hug:
     
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  4. Gaze

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    I understand where you're coming from. And it's not easy. It's not as simple as walking away, especially when your emotions have become heavily invested. It is especially difficult when you've become more emotionally attached than the other person. I went through something similar and it was very difficult to get over it. And i was clearly misguided in my affections.

    I think it's not healthy to continue pursuing something with this person if they are not clearly invested or they're not returning the attention or affection. Even if they do contact you again, don't allow yourself to think it means something. There are those who're good at pulling strings. Don't let this intense attraction get the best of you.
     
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  5. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    thank you :hug:
    With me it is always like the break up covers everything nice that has happened. At least at first. Leaving me with a bad tast in my mouth and an empty space in my heart.

    I didn't want a relationship with him, he is twice my age and married with children

    it is really a problem, this attachment of mine. Also in real life relationships. When I connect deeply with someone (and that is what I aim for) I almost become that person and he is in my mind always like he need to judge every step I take. It is hard to keep a balance between being attached and being free.

    How do you guys handle that?
     
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    #5 Morgain, Jan 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  6. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I avoid connecting with people in cyberspace because I know that it isn't like reality and the consequences are typically very poor. I learned this the hard way.

    If you really are emotionally dependent on this person, they might be doing the right thing by cutting you off. You need to find people in the real world to be connected to.
     
  7. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Yes, i can understand what you want to say, Cyber relationships are most dangerous if you don't meet them personally. If person is not showing you pic, if they seem addicted to net, then understand they can leave you any moment.

    I think, we people should make online friends after knowing them properly, otherwise i advise STRICT NO. Don't dare to make online friends. On chat, you can't see the person, you can see only words, so anyone can be dishonest or may be lying. Who knows what they are doing now, how is their body-language.

    Yes, there is a technique to find TRUE people online.
    1. Ask them what they are doing and ask them to show its proof
    2. Carefully watch their words and ask for their photo when time comes
    3. If you feel they are making stories or they are lying to you, immediately ask for confirmation or clarification why you did that
    4. Keep regular contact if you want to be friend of them, be total honest, after some time you will come to know how are they.
    5. Careful watch them on doubtful behavior

    IN above occasions if their responses are not satisfactory, i am saying you LEAVE THEM. They can hurt you or they might be fraud.

    I hope you are fine and feeling better now :hug:
    Hope this helps you today.:)
    You have Roger as your friend.
     
    #7 Roger, Jan 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2010
  8. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    internet addiction is a terrible terrible thing....
     
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  9. OP
    Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    eventually I convinced him and we had some more great chats for the past week until Sunday he wrote me an email saying that he was going to close down that email account and that if I wanted to tell him something, I had to do it that day. I asked him if that meant that we were not having any chats anymore and he answered: "indeed, no more chats, I got tired of them :shocked: bastard!

    Thanks to his previous threats I felt more resigned than hurt but still, it is not very plezant...
     
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  10. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

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    I don't know how you came to contact with him in the first place and how it did start to lead to the current situation with you being emotionally attached to him. So I can only comment based on the limited information you have provided here.

    To answer your question, this connection was very real to you, as you have emotionally invested in him. He has somehow got to your heart and has affected your life outside of the cyberspace.

    If he is double your age and married with children, I doubt if he would truly want any strings attached whether be it online or offline regardless of what his original intention was to allow this connection to happen. So it seems like sooner or later he would have to cut off this connection anyway.

    I know it hurts when someone who have filled this space in your heart decided to end the connection...and to leave you with this empty space in your heart. Afterall it is a loss to you, it is quite natural for you to take some time to grieve.

    Though it wasn't a true romantic relationship as such, it is like any heart-breaking experience...allow yourself to be upset for a while...then life still has to go on...

    :rain:
     
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