Losing the love of my life | INFJ Forum

Losing the love of my life


Nov 4, 2017
Hey guys I'm a 33 year old enfp male who was dating a infj who was the love of my life.

I have been searching everywhere in order to find an answer to get her back

So this is our story we met in California in the spring of 2014 and we hit it off immediately. She had never dated anyone before or have even kissed a guy and we went out on three dates before we had our first kiss. Keep in mind that at the time I was 30 and she was 26 years old.

She was studying and had just graduated from school in California but she had to move back to Florida and after a month-and-a-half of going on dates I said hey I really like you let's try and make this work long-distance do you want to be my girlfriend. She said yes and we began our long distance relationship. She ended up going back home to Florida in the summer of 2014 while I stayed back in California. The first year of us dating was really awesome we would visit each other back and forth text call and it was amazing. From the summer of 2014 to the summer of 2005 everything was going really good and during the summer of 2005 I asked her Hey how do you feel about the relationship where do you see this going do you feel like you could marry me. She said she wasn't sure and I was like okay well if we're not thinking about marriage there's no point in continuing to date and we're still a long distance but she finally said okay yes I would like to keep dating and I see marriage in the future and now I know that INFJs take a while to figure things out. So we continued our relationship and in the summer of 2016 I went over to Florida for 30 days trying to find a job so I could move out there. Already she had in mind that hey this is the guy that I'm going to marry in this is the guy who I want to be with and I was thinking the same thing. After my 30 days in Florida trying to find a job I couldn't find anything and I ended up coming back to California and in September of 2006 I started to just get kind of depressed because I felt like we can never close the gap. We had already been dating long distance for 2 years and I just felt like there was no hope and I also felt like we just couldn't bridge the gap. But I stayed in the relationship and by the time December 2016 World around I was pretty sad and depressed and then in January of 2016 I ended up breaking up with her saying that I just couldn't wait any longer and the pain was so much. The decision was rash and quick and a blindsided her. I myself didn't even fully comprehend why I said what I said but the pain was so much that I just wasn't thinking. And we ended up talking a little sporadically in January and my phone then got messed up. So for about a month I couldn't really get a hold of her till February of 2017 and then I got a new phone at that point and then I started calling and communicating with her and when I did call and communicate with her I was just talking and just seeing how she's doing and we didn't really talk about The Break-Up or address anything because I didn't know what to say and on top of that during that time right after I broke up my mom tried to commit suicide and so I was under a lot of stress and I ended up going on medications so whenever I did call her up again in February by then I was already dope Up on Zoloft and my mind wasn't clear so she says that I came off cold and just not really talking about her or the relationship or what had happened exactly. I would call her sporadically once a week or every two to three days from February 2017 all the way to May 2017. I tried to want to see her in April of 2017 to where I could fly over and we could talk about our relationship and what happened and things and I wanted to tell her everything but she said no you know I I need space right now. I wanted to fly over and see her and really talk things out but I wasn't able to and I tried asking in May of 2017 and she still said that she needed space to think. So in August I finally got a new phone and we started communicating more regularly by text and calling everyday and I felt like we were really connecting and I kept asking if I could come see her and she said no but we continue to text from August to the middle of September and when the hurricane hit I flew over to Florida just to be with her and make sure she's okay. By the time I went to Florida to Hurricane had already passed and when I saw her I just embraced her and started tearing up. I missed her so much. We didn't really talk about The Break-Up or anything but by then I couldn't read her but I felt like maybe she had didn't want to talk about it . we spend time together only about a day and a half and when she was about to leave for Greece I said well it was nice hanging out with you and she told me look I don't know if I can do this relationship because it doesn't feel the same and I started tearing up and crying and said okay I understand I'm so sorry and just kind of said a final goodbye but then she gave me a hug and said no I don't like good-byes and I said hey it's okay it's not forever. then she went to Greece for a weak and basically said that when she got back she wanted some space and I said okay fine and then after I gave her some space she called me or texted me after a day and a half saying I miss you and I called her up and said I miss you too and then I begin texting your everyday in the morning just to make her happy and her birthday came and I said I would send a birthday present but I just didn't get around to it because I felt like the birthday present wasn't good enough and basically we went and talked here and there every day and texted everyday and everything seem to be going good and now she said a couple Days ago that she doesn't see the relationship working.

I wanted to work things out and told her I would do anything and that she is love of my life I was her first kiss first boyfriend first everything and now I am 33 and she is 3 0 and I don't know what to do and I am hurting and I said okay that's fine and she wanted to still be friends but I said I want to work on getting back together and she said it doesn't feel the same and I don't know what to do so should I just say okay let's just take some space and see how we feel next year or should I just let it go. Keep in mind that we had some heavy arguments and talks during these past 2 weeks and she got really upset after I told her that whenever she would not try to get back together I said some things that I wasn't proud as in saying I would block her on Facebook or I was thinking about blocking her on Facebook and deleting her number and she got really upset and just gave it to me and she said she has nothing left to give and I think she had all these hurt feelings of course from the breakup that we never really talked about an address so what should I do The Break-Up wasn't planned or anything and I regret it but I am feeling healthy now and not depressed and I want to get back together but she says that it doesn't feel the same and that we can still be friends and that she can call me anytime I need anything. I don't know what to do Should I fly over to Florida to just talk to her or should I just let her be is there anyway that we can get back together after dating for two and a half years but broken up now for 10 months Is it too late?
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Are you seeing anyone/doing anything to help with your depression and stuff? Maybe putting time into getting into a good place within yourself would really help matters.

It sounds like you go through times when things get tough and you struggle with coping-and you push her away at the times/distance yourself.

She’s probably been letting herself keep hoping for things with you and then been hurt each time you’ve pulled away. And it’s gotten to point where she just can’t trust that it won’t keep happening.

So by focusing on getting yourself in a good place and learning ways to handle things-maybe you can show her you’ve found a better way to deal with tough times and won’t keep repeating those same patterns.
I can add here that for INFJs it might be hard to let people back in after ruptures in relations. If not mended as soon as possible in an open and genuine way, these small and big "break-ups" may be too much to handle. Try to be there for her, not pushing it, show your care and attention to her, and most important - be consistent in your attitude. For that, a good start would be as ForestPath said - "getting yourself in a good place" first.
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Go to her. Going to her and actually fixing it will make things better. If you just stay and wait around, nothing is really going to happen. Prove to her that she is the love of your life. I would do anything just to be with the only person I truly love. Dont go and demand answers. Be passive. If shes still hurting, it means that its not over.You want to tell her what, how, and why you felt the way you did. Try to fix what ever problem, miscommunication there is. I hate conflict but i feel much more better when i resolve them. And the reward after is going to be great. I promise you.
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