Loneliness & solitude | INFJ Forum

Loneliness & solitude

TinyBubbles

TinyBubbles

anarchist
Oct 27, 2009
9,345
2,328
966
MBTI
^.^
Enneagram
.
Ok so I've been thinking about solitude, and how sometimes you can be alone but not lonely, and lonely but not alone. What's your theory behind this? Why doesn't actual solitude always correlate with the feeling of solitude? Why doesn't interacting with people always generate a feeling of connectedness?
 
this is a good question. gonna think about it cuz i'm suuper sleepy right now.
 
Loneliness is a kind of neediness in myself. I suspect each personality type has a different kind of neediness.

As an INFJ I feel fulfilled and content in solitude. In certain crowds of people I don't feel comfortable/comforted or acceptable/accepted and in those instances I need comfort and acceptance from others.
 
Even though you may be interacting with people it doesn't mean you are connecting with them. There's nothing that makes me feel more alone than to have an interaction with someone and feeling like they just aren't getting me.

You are right, solitude and loneliness are two totally separate things.
 
It makes sense to me that someone would feel lonely if they are in a large group of people, and can't express what they think and feel, or know that said people would be disinterested. As per solitude, you are not always by yourself when you have the same imminent need.
 
Last edited:
You've posed a great question, and one I've asked myself before. Both solitude and loneliness can be both outwardly thought of as not being in the presence of other people. For me, what makes the difference between loneliness and solitude is harmony. By harmony, I mean that I sense of positive connection/flow between myself and the outer world. This could explain how it's easy to feel lonely in the presence of others, because you don't connect with them. On the other hand, solitude can be very pleasurable when one is in harmony with nature, their surroundings, etc.
 
  • Like
Reactions: randomsomeone
Sometimes I feel lonelier around people then I do when I’m by myself. I think it’s because the people in the room are like a tool I use to measure my aloneness. For example; let’s say I’m in a room with 10 people. I am not communicating with all 10 of them. This means there are 10 people in the room I feel disconnected from. Being disconnected from 10 people makes me feel very alone.

On the contrary, if I am in a room by myself then I am not disconnected from anyone. Nobody is present therefore I don’t feel disconnected from any other persons. Being disconnected from 0 people lets me feel less alone.

I feel this explains why we are capable of feeling the most intense lonliness while with other people.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: SpaceCowgirl
Such subjects keep me up for all nights to find right solution for it.

I found and it is: Find some creative activity when you are alone. Don't let the feeling of loneliness in your mind. Just try to deal with this part of life. If you are alone for a while, then you will be gathered by people after some time.

Both are same, but tough to accept and challenge to balance it.
 
Loneliness stems from feeling under-appreciated. It's more about connections than physical presence.

I mean, humans are social creatures. We thrive in a community atmosphere, and a community is not simply a group of creatures but a group of creatures which work in tandem. You have to have that cooperation and consideration for each other, or there is not much of an advantage to the lifestyle.
 
May said:
Ok so I've been thinking about solitude, and how sometimes you can be alone but not lonely, and lonely but not alone. What's your theory behind this? Why doesn't actual solitude always correlate with the feeling of solitude? Why doesn't interacting with people always generate a feeling of connectedness?
Click to expand...

Feeling connected requires giving and receiving of self, not just a physical presence.

Feeling lonely, but not alone, might mean one is is not being received sufficiently within their environment to feel connected, or alternatively not giving themselves sufficiently to their environment to feel connected.

Being alone, but not feeling lonely, likely means one is giving to and being received by their environment sufficiently to feel connected.

I believe that what is sufficient to feel connected is not static among people or within one person over time.
 
When a wave of lonliness comes over me it generally is because I notice how little people really know me and how seemingly uninterested they are in doing so. However, part of this is that, for many of my acquaintances, fairly surface relationships are normal, so there is usually nothing more to know. I am simply not wired that way, but they sure are. I suppose, given how pervasive this dynamic is in my normal existance, that I should feel lonely more often, but I think I have adjusted my expectations over time to accept the way things are as being normal. Now that I think of it, I can actually handle lonliness...it is the opposite that would probably drive me buggy!!!!
 
For me, loneliness is about feeling whether or not I have someone in my life who understands me and loves me for me. I can be sitting alone in my room, like right now, and not feel alone at all because I know there is someone I can call who will be there for me at my lowest point and know exactly how to comfort me. But, there have been times when I have been at a party full of all of my friends and felt utterly alone, because I had no one who I could truly connect to at all.
 
May said:
Ok so I've been thinking about solitude, and how sometimes you can be alone but not lonely, and lonely but not alone. What's your theory behind this? Why doesn't actual solitude always correlate with the feeling of solitude? Why doesn't interacting with people always generate a feeling of connectedness?
Click to expand...

Very interesting how that works itself out. I think that, even if a person is surrounded by a dozen friends, if he or she doesn't feel a sense of self-worth or that they're worthy of friendship or love, then that might cause a person to feel a great amount of loneliness, especially if they feel like the people around them would never feel that way. On the other hand, if a person has an inner sense of self-worth, then maybe they don't necessarily need someone else to confirm that for them? And then perhaps, they can find something good in spending a great amount of time alone. I usually feel the most alone, even when surrounded by family, when I feel like they don't understand me or when I feel taken for granted. Other times, when I plan goals for myself and realize that I have potential inside of me, I don't really need another person to be around most of the time in order to really believe that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back