I love solitude. I truly appreciate solitude to decompress
and to focus on my tasks and goals. Like
@Emanuel Goldstein said, I can feel alone when I'm with other people. Being in public does not peel away loneliness, it makes it worse.
One of my biggest life issues, currently, is that there are very few people I "connect" with, and I am also too distrustful to fully open up and let new people in, thus making it more difficult for me to find connection.
For a long time my life was really social and crowd-oriented. I got burned out often, but I believed in what I was doing, and I connected with some of the people on a deep level, so it was worth it. I am so introverted and shy, but it was easier to pretend to be extroverted because it made others more comfortable. Over time I created more space for solitude, studying, and focusing on my work, and I had a good balance. It worked well, until it didn't work.
Now, I live in a quiet place. It's so beautiful and peaceful here and makes me truly happy. We only go to gatherings about once a week, and that once a week can still feel like too much. I end up staring into my phone as if I'm hoping I'll find an app that will transport me back to solitude. I may have fun, but I feel drained by settings where I'm not connecting with anyone, and the entertainment isn't inspiring. (Plus, my autoimmune disorder causes fatigue and physical pain, so I have physical limits now.) I never want to stay long. That said, if a friend or acquaintance calls asking for help with haying, or with the horses or dogs, I always say, "Yes," and I'm happy to do it. I feel completely drained and exhausted by being in situations where there is no connection, meaning, or helpful purpose, even if the same situations offers that to others.