Is love always healthy? | INFJ Forum

Is love always healthy?

pale rider

pale rider

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Feb 8, 2009
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I know "love heals all wounds" they say. My question is in regard to the giver and receiver of love: that emotional feeling we have for others in the extreme.
I am not talking about any sexual acts here, only emotions and feelings. In what cases is love, being loved, or loving someone doomed to be unhealthy?
Is it treatable or curable by only one, or does it take both to acknowledge and treat or cure it? Can one person help to cure or treat a situation without taking the risk of further damage?
In the case of cognitive dissonance, for example, can it remain healthy as long as one is not forced into making a decision?
 
I think an intense unhealthy attachment is often confused with the word love.

I think what is called love is unhealthy when a person feels they can't live without the other, when they are absolutely dependant upon the other person for their emotional stability.

Love is unhealthy if a person is enamored with another person, and can only feel secure in the relationship when they are able to manipulate the behaviors of the object of their affection to satisfy themselves.

I could go on and on about this topic. I probably will later.
 
just me said:
I know "love heals all wounds" they say.

In what cases is love, being loved, or loving someone doomed to be unhealthy?
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Interesting question.

'Love' is an emotion; a complex network of interlinking stimuli that can produce a euphoric, idealized state of mind we generally reserve for people important to our lives.

Like other emotions, love is one of many transient intellectual responses to environmental cues. We experience emotion to elevate our chance at accurately perceiving and forecasting what to do next in our physical world. Trial-and-error behavioral patterns in our genetic past shaped which emotional behavior we retained, and which was discarded.

Emotion is probably better understood as refined psychological inheritance, specialized over time by our advanced frontal lobes. The sophistication of emotion is one of many evolutionary amenities that distinguishes us from our relatives in the animal kingdom.

That said, the adage 'love heals all wounds' is probably more intended as poetic admiration, than as a means to clinically categorize the utility of love.

If responsibly experienced, it can be immeasurably gratifying and uplift even the dampest of spirits. If our love (especially romantic love) is rejected by the object of our fancy, we can downward spiral into a sea of irrationality, ranging from turgid self-doubt to malignant retaliation. In short, love offers a vast range of possibility for those courageous to demonstrate it without fear or desire for reciprocity.

Love is less about who we cherish, than about how we choose to honor them.

From there, anything is possible.
 
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i agree very much with what alt ctrl del wrote.

in terms of being treatable/curable, i do not think that an unheathy attachment that we mistake as love itself is an isolated incident but rather a manifestation of deeper issues that require more work within oneself. sure, the receiver person of this affection can help the situation, but ultimately can only do so much (if he/she is even willing).

many times we generate our own pain and cause ourselves unfounded damage in the entrapment of our own expections and desires. when the desire is unhealthy, it is founded primarily on lack and not love for that person or even oneself. i think if the person receiving does not wish to do harm, is neutral, or wants to better the situation, then further damage can only be caused by the person experiencing this extreme 'love'.

as for cognitive dissonance, i don't think it can be healthy as long as one is not forced to make a decision. if i understood the way you define decision, sometimes making a decision can give closure and being indecisive can enlarge the problem as it remains unresolved.
 
I don't think any emotions are inherently "healthy" or "unthealthy," since they serve evolutionary purposes. They can only be considered bad or good within a certain context. In the case of love, it can be bad when it is devoted to an untrustworthy person, or it in some other way unduly compromises the safety of the lover's well-being. Its occasional potential to cause or allow harm is what makes it unhealthy.
 
Unhealthy love isn't healthy.

My question is how do you define healthy love vs unhealthy love?
 
In answer to the title of the thread.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOO
 
Although the rainbow background was painful to read, that is an interesting chart on the differences. I would elaborate on that further, but I haven't the slightest idea what this notion of 'love' is supposed to be. This article appears to be talking about the differences between a healthy and unhealthy romantic relationship, which seems to differ a degree from 'love'.
 
TheLastMohican said:
I don't think any emotions are inherently "healthy" or "unthealthy," since they serve evolutionary purposes. They can only be considered bad or good within a certain context. In the case of love, it can be bad when it is devoted to an untrustworthy person, or it in some other way unduly compromises the safety of the lover's well-being. Its occasional potential to cause or allow harm is what makes it unhealthy.
Click to expand...


Evolution isn't a rule it is a pattern.
 
I do not mean "healthy or unhealthy" love. I mean can it lead to one's being unhealthy?
 
slant said:
Although the rainbow background was painful to read, that is an interesting chart on the differences. I would elaborate on that further, but I haven't the slightest idea what this notion of 'love' is supposed to be. This article appears to be talking about the differences between a healthy and unhealthy romantic relationship, which seems to differ a degree from 'love'.
Click to expand...

Love, or emotion is usually what bonds a relationship..it's a motivator of behaviors that compose a relationship, whether healthy emotions or unhealthy destructive emotions.

Maybe something akin to what TLM said.. Something like the emotions are unhealthy once acted on in a way that is self-destructive or destructive to another in some way.
 
just me said:
I do not mean "healthy or unhealthy" love. I mean can it lead to one's being unhealthy?
Click to expand...

Oh, of course. There are everyday examples of that all around you. They are, sadly, not hard to find. But really it is a result of "love" being transformed into something else.

Another problem is one persons definition of "love" might not fit the others, and the feeling won't cross from person to person. This is what happens between me and my dad.
 
Scenario to ponder: a married couple with one that is sickly and one that is not. The giver gives freely, but can it be unhealthy when the receiver starts expecting and depending on that the giver is giving. Can complacency, then, become unhealthy to the sick in their lack of trying any more? It is possible for a person as such to just quit trying to get well and accept their illness and situation....unhealthy lack of trying?
More scenarios to follow later.
 
just me said:
Scenario to ponder: a married couple with one that is sickly and one that is not. The giver gives freely, but can it be unhealthy when the receiver starts expecting and depending on that the giver is giving. Can complacency, then, become unhealthy to the sick in their lack of trying any more? It is possible for a person as such to just quit trying to get well and accept their illness and situation....unhealthy lack of trying?
More scenarios to follow later.
Click to expand...

Of course, that really isn't that hard to sort out.
 
Another scenario:
What if two people are divorced and one never stops loving the other? Unhealthy? It is so difficult sometimes to get my point across. I hate that!
 
just me said:
I do not mean "healthy or unhealthy" love. I mean can it lead to one's being unhealthy?
Click to expand...

Rainrise said:
I do not think that an unheathy attachment that we mistake as love itself is an isolated incident but rather a manifestation of deeper issues that require more work within oneself.
Click to expand...
I think the unhealthy aspect begins within the individual psyche, and then their 'loving' actions manifest as unhealthy behavior. I don't see how love can corrupt a healthy mind.
 
just me said:
I do not mean "healthy or unhealthy" love. I mean can it lead to one's being unhealthy?
Click to expand...


Errr??? :m075:

Like someone being physically or emotionally unhealthy?
 
just me said:
Another scenario:
What if two people are divorced and one never stops loving the other? Unhealthy? It is so difficult sometimes to get my point across. I hate that!
Click to expand...
I think it would only be unhealthy if the person who still loved could not move on with their life, and they remained tortured as a result of their feelings.

If the person who still loves is able to let the other go and be free and pursue whatever it is that makes them happy, get over the rejection and accept the end of the relationship and move on to keep living their life.. Then still loving when a relationship ends is not unhealthy.
 
NEW QUESTION!

Is being loved always healthy/
 
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