Is Happiness A Choice?

[Disguised]

I never made that connection. Very cool!

We use 42 as a joke in engineering all the time. For us it means that "the answer doesn't mean anything if you don't know what the questions actually was".

When people try to prove a result by randomly manipulating a formula, they often come to false understanding of the result. This is actually very common mistake. It's one of the main reason that many physicists are often called out on their bullshit discoveries.

Hahaha They should be. I wonder how the theory on dark matter getting solved is going. The guy made it look too much of an easy solution to the whole, matter.

 

[wiredandwound]

Hahaha They should be. I wonder how the theory on dark matter getting solved is going. The guy made it look too much of an easy solution to the whole, matter.

Quantum Quackery, as I like to call it.

 

[wiredandwound]

Funny how this got into free will

My understanding of free-will comes from the perspective of my own 'happiness'.

When I feel like I am being coerced into a situation where I have to decide whether to maintain my values or cave into demands, I become greatly distressed.

 

[dragulagu]

Here's my take on it:

Absolute wisdom demands that there is no free-will. What is wise to do is that what we must do. This is however, a fallacy. For people are incapable of this level of virtue.

I agree that we make choices based on our experiences (that stored in memory), but this does not prevent us from deciding to take alternate action. - example:

Holding one's ground in an argument about personal values goes against this. It is buried deep within us to preserve our social connections, especially with the ones we love.

It is very difficult to hold your ground in defence of your personal values. And this is why so many people choose to abandon them, at the cost of their happiness. It is a very difficult thing to choose to keep, and protect your values at the possible cost of a relationship. The abandonment of one's values is one of the most fundamental reasons for depression. Hence, the boone in the happy-pill market.

Hmm, personal opinion here, but I think holding your ground on personal values is not that hard, however that comes from a different take on the ego. Eg. Fi -> which is about personal values -> putting more importance in them. Holding on to these personal values works like happy-pills to yourself. That could however be at the cost of someone else's, so I take note/importance in developing these values so they do not harm someone else. So that's a bit of another side of the coin. There's a thread somewhere in this forum on Fi and ego and all that; ego has its use.

Now, in case of the cost of a relationship...again from my personal Fi perspective; IF someone is screwing hard with my personal values (and with that I mean screwing with my morals), they just got a nice spot on the shit-list. They either get ignored by me or I observe their actions closely or in worst case they get a lesson.

I understand though that for someone with who takes more importance into relationships (eg. Fe) that it is much harder to do this. But being able to stand up for your values is important in life. Else you'll just get walked over by people with an inferior moral sense. And for INFJ's, for whom Fi is a shadow function, this is much harder to do, especially as a sense of morality is important to you.

As with personal relationships, that's another thing again, I'll have to evaluate what's more important and sometimes bite the bullet. But yeah...I personally can't be with in love or friends with someone who's personal values either completely clash with mine or that are abusive to myself or someone else.

Quantum Quackery

Quantum Quackery, lol, i like that term.

 

[wiredandwound]

but I think holding your ground on personal values is not that hard,

Holding your ground can be very hard when it comes to employment and the ones you love, in my experience. The results of which are almost always wrought with setbacks and loss.

When I first entered the workforce, I always caved into demands at the cost of self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness. It took me almost 20 years to get the courage to stand up, knowing that the repercussions would mean expulsion from the respect of my employers and associates. I've been fired more than a few times, unlike before, where I quit to the loss of my self-respect.

But do you know what happened?

I got happier... Poorer, but happier.

I know now that "raging into the night" and "taken the road less travelled", will not kill me. I feel better about myself on the whole than I ever did, which was fraught with great amounts of seemingly, never-ending despair. I have more courage than I ever had. I would rather lose the respect of employers, than the loss of self-respect, getting fired anyday.

 

[wiredandwound]

That could however be at the cost of someone else's,

My values are purely based on efficiency and respect. Bold-faced lies, unwillingness of interaction, and complete disregard for my perspective, will set me off immediacy.

I've worked and lead many teams. The most common type of disrespect on them is laziness and apathy. There has never been a time, as a leader, where the people inclined to this type of behavior, did not play the role of the victim. They then would use their inclined tendency for lying and virtue signaling, in every single case.

I know that I may have higher expectations as an INFJ, but there is never a case where this type of behavior is acceptable on a team.

The coercion comes as a result of the virtue-signaling offenders, turning the team against me.

 

[dragulagu]

Holding your ground can be very hard when it comes to employment and the ones you love, in my experience. The results of which are almost always wrought with setbacks and loss.

When I first entered the workforce, I always caved into demands at the cost of self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness. It took me almost 20 years to get the courage to stand up, knowing that the repercussions would mean expulsion from the respect of my employers and associates. I've been fired more than a few times, unlike before, where I quit to the loss of my self-respect.

But do you know what happened?

I got happier... Poorer, but happier.

I know now that "raging into the night" and "taken the road less travelled", will not kill me. I feel better about myself on the whole than I ever did, which was fraught with great amounts of seemingly, never-ending despair. I have more courage than I ever had. I would rather lose the respect of employers, than the loss of self-respect, getting fired anyday.

Good, that's a good stand to have. And agreed.

There's been a recent video of Jordan Peterson on this specific topic (work that is). It's a bit cheesy but it has a good lesson (and covers what you have said here).

My values are purely based on efficiency and respect. Bold-faced lies, unwillingness of interaction, and complete disregard for my perspective, will set me off immediacy.

I've worked and lead many teams. The most common type of disrespect on them is laziness and apathy. There has never been a time, as a leader, where the people inclined to this type of behavior, did not play the role of the victim. They then would use their inclined tendency for lying and virtue signaling, in every single case.

I know that I may have higher expectations as an INFJ, but there is never a case where this type of behavior is acceptable on a team.

The coercion comes as a result of the virtue-signaling offenders, turning the team against me.

Agreed. Though one argument I'd wan't to put against this is that a lack of motivation can lead to laziness and apathy. Though lying and virtue signaling is indeed a (unacceptable) pain to handle at work. Seriously hate that shit as well, as you tend to get dragged into the web of lies and have to put too much effort in staying out of it.

 

[Disguised]

My understanding of free-will comes from the perspective of my own 'happiness'.

When I feel like I am being coerced into a situation where I have to decide whether to maintain my values or cave into demands, I become greatly distressed.

Interesting that you took into these demands of others. I think and feel that the happiness of others is as equilevant to yours, so that being coerced as you say is a double edged sword. In every humane connection as an empath there is the way of satisfying both yours and the others needs. Being coerced means you are being dragged, but that they want such a thing isnt all that bad. Everyone wants to be in "control" more or less, but the question is is it for the greater good to be somewhat along the lines with others. I think that our values are always with us, it's just a matter of how strongly we believe in our values. Sure we can keep them to ourselves, but we are very dumb if we never seek to question them. Much like if we believe that we are virtuous, then we definitely are not.

I've been to several situations where my values have been questioned by my own wants or needs, just to question if they were true at all. There are no solid values, there is you and the need to maintain your balance so that you can counter what others expect from you. They are, and never will be an exact match to you. But that doesn't need to be so that you are being compromised.

Buddha is right, I feel like, when he said that:
"“Happiness is a choice, not a result. ... No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you"

So if you are truly happy, you can as well go with them who still question you, but remain content. As long as you know what you are talking about, with remaining the right to be questioned.