Is Happiness A Choice?

[Ginny]

If happiness is a cat, then confidence must be a dog? You can fool the dog, but you can't fool the cat

You can fool them both but one will run away and the other will remain blindly steadfast

Dogs are easily distracted. They only know what they have been taught. But they are loyal to the pack. Cats are persistent. They learn by themselves and can be taught, but they don't listen. They don't care for anyone (except maybe the momma cat).

 

[Pin]

Some battles are on multiple fronts and last long, others are lightening quick.

A focused mind has no time for misery.

 

[MoonFlier]

The definition of happiness is very personal. You can have the most blessed person in the world (health, beauty, finances, friendships and family) be miserable and the person with the worst luck in the world in all those matters be perfectly content/happy.

So what does the term "Happy" mean to each person? is it joy, success or contentment? Maybe it is positive emotional feedback from others. Maybe it means it is a day their depression has lifted and they can feel anything but.

 

[Infjente]

Why is confidence a dog?

Because dogs are more social and dependent animals. They are more easily fooled because they rely more on others. The dog will believe you every time you pretend to throw the ball, why wouldn't he believe his "partner in survival"? The cat couldn't care less if you actually let go of the ball or not. You can fake confidence till you make it because it depends very much on what you reflect and what's reflected back, and less about what the situation really is/isn't.

 

[Ginny]

Because dogs are more social and dependent animals. They are more easily fooled because they rely more on others. The dog will believe you every time you pretend to throw the ball, why wouldn't he believe his "partner in survival"? The cat couldn't care less if you actually let go of the ball or not. You can fake confidence till you make it because it depends very much on what you reflect and what's reflected back, and less about what the situation really is/isn't.

I know a bunch of cats who would disagree
Also, dogs are as they are because we made them so. They have been pack animals, but never not self-sufficient, until it was bred out of them.

I get what you mean about confidence though. It's an attitude, and can be a mask that brings profit in a world that is easily deluded by masks. Confidence is dangerous because through it we can tell ourselves lies that we may eventually believe ourselves if told often enough.

 

[sassafras]

You guys are all prejudiced against dogs.

 

[Infjente]

I know a bunch of cats who would disagree
Also, dogs are as they are because we made them so. They have been pack animals, but never not self-sufficient, until it was bred out of them.

I get what you mean about confidence though. It's an attitude, and can be a mask that brings profit in a world that is easily deluded by masks. Confidence is dangerous because through it we can tell ourselves lies that we may eventually believe ourselves if told often enough.

 

[sassafras]

As for confidence, confidence is neither cat or a dog. Confidence is simply certainty You can apply certainty to anything and it becomes stronger; uncertainty and it becomes weaker.

Uncertainty is usually the result of your fearful emotions running amock. Certainty is measured self-awareness that no matter what, you can cope. It's a close cousin of optimism.

Personally, I'd put more faith in my confidence over my emotions. I don't think it's dangerous at all. It only becomes dangerous when my homeostasis is overly dependent on my outcome, in which case, you don't get confidence, you get false bravado which can be threatened and needs to be evaluated.

 

[BritNi]

Emotions come and go.

I'm just more focused on my goals, to tell you the truth. I don't have much time for things like sadness, offense, a bruised ego, or a broken heart.

So what I'm hearing here is a survival strategy more than a method of obtaining happiness. I hear you providing reasons to avoid negative emotions.

But, how do you experience the good ones? Do you remain neutral all your days? Ignoring sadness and continuing about your life without a worry otherwise?

What really makes PIN happy? Are you often happy? Do you rely on external factors to be happy? Or is it intrinsic? Perhaps something else? A combination of various factors?

 

[Infjente]

I know a bunch of cats who would disagree

I know a bunch of people who would disagree that cats have anything to do with happiness

The point with bringing the dog in, was to illustrate how "fake it till you make it" might work better on some things (like confidence) and not so effectively on other things

 

[MoonFlier]

Emotions come and go.

I'm just more focused on my goals, to tell you the truth. I don't have much time for things like sadness, offense, a bruised ego, or a broken heart.

The bottom line: I want to be president.

So what I'm hearing here is a survival strategy more than a method of obtaining happiness. I hear you providing reasons to avoid negative emotions.

But, how do you experience the food ones? Do you remain neutral all your days? Ignoring sadness and continuing about your life without a worry otherwise?

What really makes PIN happy? Are you often happy? Do you rely on external factors to be happy? Or is it intrinsic? Perhaps something else? A combination of various factors?

It might sound odd coming from an INFJ, but I'm with @Pin here. It's not about being neutral... it's about contentment and making the most of life as it has blessed us. Labeling the good and bad in life as happy/sad is a waste of brainwaves. That is not to discount those with depression... a living hell for those I know with it.

 

[sassafras]

Some battles are on multiple fronts and last long, others are lightening quick.

A focused mind has no time for misery.

 

[biwaly]

I think; happiness is a choice like other emotions, emotions are fundamentally an illusion and all people have their own subjective conditions that they set for themselves to feel particular emotions.

For example, some people are happy just because they believe; they are handsome/beautiful, they have a cool car, they own an alluring house, etc. but on the other hand, some people can't be happy no matter what.

Opinions like being "handsome/beautiful", having a "cool" car, owning an "alluring" house are subjective therefore conditioning yourself to feel x emotion just because of your own subjective opinion makes the emotion you feel an illusion like, for example, being angry just because someone looked at you. It's nonsense. Emotions are not logical because there is no objectivity of emotions therefore emotions are fundamentally an illusion. So, for these reasons, for example, I become a "happy" person when I read an "interesting" book but other's may find reading a book fundamentally "boring" therefore reading a book may make them feel some negative emotions like we conditioned ourselves to feel so. I think; it makes me really happy but fundamentally it's like I feel "happy" just because I think I should feel so therefore I kinda "really" feel I'm happy like I'm lying to myself by believing I feel happy — I'm having an illusion.

The only difference between the happy person and a not happy person is; former has a "faking it until you make it" logic, latter don't. So, a happy person believes in whatever they want, thus, they create their own reality that is a happy reality to be happy. That's how the brain works: For example, if you believe you are mad then you will be mad.

Happy people choose a reason to be happy, a not happy person doesn't choose a reason to feel happy. You can even think about it as; a not happy person has no idea how to be happy because they can't find a reason to be happy. It's like, they don't even want to choose to be happy.

If you have no reason to be happy, you will be depressed; you will perceive only the negative aspect of reality, you will create your own personal hell, you won't have a positive emotions source to deal with the negativity of life, et cetera.

The reason to be happy has to be found on your own because the reason to feel x emotion is subjective therefore the reason depends on your personality. The reason is not necessarily the same as others' reason(s).

Some people waiting to be happy but because they don't have preset condition(s) to be happy, they can't be happy.

Some people even mistakenly think; what makes others happy will make them happy too. Well, some people think they are happy just because they believe they should be happy because of x reason because they think; "this made x person happy then I should be happy too" but even though emotions are an illusion, believing you feel x emotions even though you do not feel it makes what you feel a delusion of an illusion but because of how the brain works, their delusion of an illusion is perceived as real because they believe they are happy therefore they become pseudo-happy that we can consider as "really" being happy.

What a happy person thinks? They think; they found their own reason to be happy and this x reason should make them happy therefore they know how to be happy. They choose to be happy thus they find their own reason to be happy therefore they are happy.

So, what a not happy person thinks? Well, fundamentally they think; x is not a good reason to be happy. Those people dislike x for whatever reason. It's like they choose to feel negative emotion(s) therefore they dislike, they hate, et cetera. Well, haters gonna hate, right?

I also want to write about free will thus what I wrote so far may make sense to you dear reader if it didn't:

For example, those who don't believe in free will actually able to choose to don't believe in free will because they have free will thanks to their prefrontal cortex. Consciousness allows you to manipulate the information flow in the brain thus you have subjective opinions, you can decide, there is a reason behind your every decision even though you are not necessarily aware of this decision-making process (I call this process as gain and loss analysis), et cetera. Your brain that is under control of your consciousness only can be used if you make the choice to use it. So, you focus if you choose to focus, you can even feel x emotion if you choose to do so because of the ability to manipulate the information flow in the brain. I'm not going to give you neuroscience 101, psychology 101, etc. class here. What I stated so far is enough anyway. If you still believe there is no free will, there is no choice, emotions are fundamentally an automatic process (well, particular emotions become an automatic process if you have a preset condition like conditioning yourself to be angry just because someone looked at you like you must), etc. then suit yourself because you are free to believe in anything you want. People choose their own "rights", believe in their own "rights" thus either they have their own opinion or they are a normie that believes in other's "rights" just because it seems so to them. That's the way it is. Being "right" is a matter of point of view anyway.

 

[Wyote]

Also, dogs are as they are because we made them so. They have been pack animals, but never not self-sufficient, until it was bred out of them.

Same with cats

 

[sprinkles]

I think feelings are different from emotions and people confuse the two. Oddly enough I can feel depressed and still be happy. Depression is physical but happiness comes from a higher and more complex state of mind. Though some times I choose to not be happy for cathartic reasons.

 

[Ren]

Some battles are on multiple fronts and last long, others are lightening quick.

Do you have a favorite war theorist/strategist?

 

[BritNi]

Honestly, I’m a fake it till you make it person.

I can relate. I feel that at times I have to force a smile so I can get by. But, after a while, it becomes second nature. Plus, I can have that resting bitch face if I don't keep the smile on; it's not very attractive. I think that everyone looks better when they're smiling. Everyone looks good when they're happy.
I don't think that we take the "fake it til you make it" philosophy literally, we use it to an advantage without lacking authenticity. I think that most INFJs struggle faking emotions. But people like you and I just assume some kind of control over our emotions which captures the essence of "faking it."

I have chosen to be positive and upbeat. I’ve gone through a lot setbacks and hurt in my life, but I still choose to find happiness in every small aspect. Life is short. The average human only lives 27,000 days. Why waste it being miserable and negative?

I absolutely love this perspective,Jenny. It's something that I feel makes you so beautiful.. It's only human to experience negative emotions: sadness, anger, etc. But, dwelling on the negatives only intensifies our negative attitude. I would much rather focus on the good and strive to be happy, rather than sit and complain about things which I can't change.

 

[BritNi]

I look forward to reading each response more thoroughly. However, for now I have located a quick read which I enjoyed and agreed with. It's not always easy to be happy. But, here are some things to consider/tips.
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Does your brain produce unhappy or happy thoughts?

Sometimes we think it’s our genes that make us the kind of person we are. However, that’s not the whole story. Often we are so preoccupied with the status quo that we forget we have the power to become the person we want to be.

If happiness is what you’re after, know that by training your brain you can program your mind to make you happy. And let’s face it, who is not looking to be happy?

Here’s how you can start instilling happy thoughts in your brain:

1. You choose how happy you are.
How? By the type of thoughts you make. Positive thoughts make you happy, while negative thoughts make you unhappy.

“I’m so fat.” – That’s a negative thought that makes you feel helpless.

“I will never achieve this.” – Another negative thought.



“I like spending time with my spouse.” – A positive thought that brings you good feelings.

“Let’s go on vacation, babe!” – Now that’s excitement! Happiness is here!

So far so good. But how can you produce more positive thoughts so that you’re happier?

2. You CAN train your brain to think happy thoughts.
By training your brain to think more positively than negatively, you’ll become happier. Here’s an example:

Have you noticed how some people feel bad about themselves when someone criticizes them, while others never seem to care?

What most people don’t know is that how you react to criticism is a habit – a thinking habit.

Some people habitually take it personally and feel unhappy, while others are habitually indifferent and keep being happy.



That isn’t true just about criticism. It’s true about everything: how you react to compliments; how you react to bad drivers; how you react when you feel threatened or taken advantage of.

By actively choosing different thoughts, you can reinforce the habit of thinking positively and decrease the habit of thinking negatively.

But what about occasions that are indeed negative? Does this mean you should deny the truth and wear rose-colored glasses? No.

3. You can think positive and still be realistic.
Some people equate “thinking positively” as wearing rose-colored glasses. That’s not what I am suggesting.

“I’m so unfit” – a negative thought that brings in bad feelings.

“I’m so unfit but I am now exercising and I’m getting fitter every day!” – started out as a negative thought, but got twisted into a positive thought. The result? One step closer to happiness!

You see, the word “but” is magical: it keeps your thoughts realistic, but they no longer make you unhappy!



4. Add a “but” to turn your unhappiness into happiness.
If you could just add a harmless “but” to every negative thought you produced, you could transform all negative thoughts into positive ones.

The result? You could transform all your unhappiness into happiness! A few examples:

• “I feel like will never lose weight” becomes “I feel like I will never lose weight, but I know there are other people who used to be exactly like me and made it happen!”
• “I will never find love” becomes “I will never find love if I keep staying at home just like I am right now. But if I start going out more, my luck might change.”
• “I will never pay off this debt” becomes “I will never pay off this debt, but I could pay some of it if I start saving $100 more every month.”

See how powerful the word “but” is? It’s like having a happiness magic wand!

5. The more you get used to adding a “but,” the better happiness results you get.
At first you’ll need practice. Adding a “but” to your negative thoughts does not come naturally when you’re just starting out.

However, the more you do it, the more your brain creates neural pathways that build the habit of thinking “but” automatically every time you think negatively.

This “but” technique will literally change the structure of your brain and elevate your happiness level dramatically. Being happy can be that easy.

6. Stop making meaningless affirmations.
Many people try to jump to the happy thought directly from the unhappy thought. So instead of thinking “I’m so unfit, but I am now exercising and I’m getting fitter every day,” they’ll think “I’m fit”. They jumped from “I’m so unfit” to “I’m fit”.



The problem is that usually those affirmations and “happy thoughts” are not really happy thoughts. They instead make you unhappy. Why? Because you don’t believe them.

If you believe you’re unfit, you cannot fool yourself into believing you are fit. However, you can believe that you can get fit.

And that’s why the “but” technique works so marvelously. Just like the “what if” technique, it accepts where you are, but shows you the road ahead.

Identify your negative thought that you can turn into a positive one with the simple use of a “but” now. Today is the day you can start training your brain to be happy!


the article can be located at:
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-train-your-brain-happy.html

 

[MoonFlier]

Happiness is an inside job.

- William Arthur Ward

 

[Wyote]

Happiness is an inside job.

- William Arthur Ward

A personal favorite quote of mine