A personal reflection on the topic. I thought you were an INFJ when I saw the initial post, so pardon the "Talking to a different type" tone of all this:
For me, personally, I might view the conflict as coming from an interaction between Fi, Te, and Ni. Our feelings are guided by our internal values (Fi). We see the way that things should be with regard to those values (Ni) and reflect on them with regard to what is actually going on around us (Te).
Those components tend to lead to an expression of feeling that is deviated from the norm, and tends to be dismissed as it isn't what other people are feeling. A lot of the time, our deficient Fe doesn't allow us to properly defend our ideas within a social context. We get defensive after being beaten down by the fallacious arguments we see around us constantly. If we're honest with our feelings, which can be a bit chaotic, we make ourselves easy fodder for anyone who has a disagreement with us and who has more skill than us in the social game and wants to exercise their Fe against ours.
My values get distorted in the minds of others, and generalizations are made about them - such as that they're heartless, or attacking. Because I tend to filter my feelings through my thinking, the feeling is subtle in the expression of thoughts. It might be the tone or subtle words, but the feeling is always underlying the thoughts as opposed to "solving a problem" underlying the thoughts in more logical conversations. Maybe it's a check to make sure I don't go psycho-emotional. Instead of "This makes me so sad!" I'm more likely to say "This thing happened, and I think that it could have been expected but it's still a bad situation. I don't feel too good about it. The situation will change as time passes. It always does."
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As an example, someone might ask me how I feel about my sister who, after getting off of a narcotics addiction, met a guy online who lived in a different state, met him twice, and then married him 2 months after their initial chat. She just had her first child with him. The conversation might go something like this:
Them: You must be so excited! Your sister's really changed her life around, and I bet she's really going to change now that she's a mother!
Me: I don't think so. I love her to death, and I'll always be there for her, but I don't think this will turn out well. (Decoded: I don't like it.)
Them: What do you mean?
Me: She married a guy who was just like the guys that she dated in highschool and college. He's a halfway between a player and an asshole who can put on a decent facade at being a decent person, but that's just a mask. I imagine she'll raise her daughter to be like her, and that the daughter will be an emotionally immature girl who dates douchebags and doesn't learn self-reliance or to feel responsible for herself. (Decoded: I feel bad for my sister, and I don't like her husband. I feel bad for the daughter, and I'm trying to accept what I see the future being. It makes me a little sad and a little disappointed about the whole thing, but not surprised.)
Them: You don't have faith in your family?
Me: *goes logical* Past behavior predicts future behavior, and they've both been immature in the past. Children learn how to behave from their parents, so in all likelihood the child will learn to- *gets cut off*
Them: You can't say that!! You need to be more hopeful. Don't be such a pessimist.
Me: *slightly irritated at being asked how I felt and then being criticized for it* That's what I think about it. (Decoded: That's how I feel about it.)
Them: How many healthy relationships have you had? I bet you're just upset because she's married and you're not. I bet you talk about her poorly like you're talking about her now all the time. You need to be nicer to your family.
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Two possible ends usually occur.
Optional ending A:
Me: *Sensing hostility. Get out of conversation. Logic does not work in this. Their barriers are up. Damage control! Damage control! Fluff off all responses for this topic.*
Me: I might be wrong, but I think that's the way it will play out.
Them: Well, you're wrong for thinking that way.
Me: *shrug* Maybe, who knows? (Thinking: God I am such a bitch for taking this...)
Them: There have been a lot of couples who got together after only a week or two and were together for their entire lives after that!
Me: Maybe it'll play out like that, but maybe it won't. (Thinking: Within their context they did, but my sister isn't like that and neither is her husband. You're wrong.)
Them: So is that really what you think will happen?
Me: I don't know. *change topic to awkward smalltalk!* So have you ever been to ______ ?
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or
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Me: *Sensing hostility. Incoming attack. Going on defensive. Counter-attack.*
Me: That's irrelevant.
Them: You think it's irrelevant. Once you've experienced it you'll think differently.
Me: I don't think so.
Them: Either way, you sound like you're being a pretty awful brother to her. You should be more supportive.
Me: *irritated and tempted to tell them to fuck off*
Them: How is being supportive bad?
Me: *Explode!* Listen, if you think you're at all connected to the situation, you're completely delusional. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. My sister has always been the type to make bad decisions and whine and bitch about the consequences that follow her own voluntary mistakes. They are her fault, and she refuses to admit that they are and to learn from them. She's going to keep making them because that's the type of person that she is. I don't like it, but that's what I see. Hell, I MIGHT be wrong, but I doubt it. If you disagree, you're welcome to, but I'm not going to forfeit what I think just because you disapprove of it.
Them: See, there's that negativity again!
Me: BAH!! *Leaves*
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In short, I think that because our feelings are rooted in our own values and interpretations and can differ so widely from what is considered "socially acceptable" or "normal", they tend to get dismissed by the "guardians of the social game". They're much better at playing social cards than we are, so they win through their crazy tactics that we're not fluent in.
As a disclaimer, those are situations that encourage the notion of "Do not show feelings". It happens quite a bit for me. To the point where I won't get into topics I have feelings about unless I know that the other person won't be a dismissive, closed-minded jerkface about it. There are a lot of people, however, who are open and can empathize and who it's absolutely wonderful to talk to. God, I wish there were more of the latter than the former - but such is not the case!
Whew!
