Searching_and_Searching
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFP
Yeah, it's pretty dumb that the reason I, the 4w5 INFP, came to this forum was to post this. But I really am confused by something this small. The kind of confused that is banging your head against a wall until you have permanent brain damage. The kind that makes you listen to corny and sad romance songs to remind yourself of how pathetic you really are.
(Flashback)
I've known a very sweet guy (INFJ for sure, probably 9w?) for around two years now, although it was more of knowing from a distance if you get what I mean. His sister (INTJ) and I have been very close friends (she's kept me from doing some really stupid stuff with my life uncountable times) for quite a long time now, and I didn't even notice that I was falling in love with stories about him she told me. I'm such an NF. When I did actually get to see him talking was very easy for me and I was always interested in what he had to say. Of course my face getting tomato red, my hands getting sweaty, and my voice tripping over words was completely ignored. When they shared a bit of some hard times he had gone through I began to feel an even deeper connection to him as we had gone through some very similar things. He always asked me if I was doing alright and if I need any help with anything...but that could just be his Fe politeness...
(Flashback closer to now)
A few months ago INTJ friend brought up the fact that I liked him through a letter (Oh, I do love her to death! How she knows and respects that I am lethally embarassed of talking about things like this any other way!). Of course I had no idea what was going on until I sat down and went through my complete file cabinet of emotions I've had in the passed few years. Let's just say the realization she helped me with struck me like a thunderbolt in the head and I cried quite a while out of shame of myself. Why? Well everyone that meets her brother begins to like him. She was probably greatly dissapointed in me. I then asked her if she was, to which she replied no, and I still believe that. She is the most honest person I've ever met in my short lifetime. Of course, I'm still upset with myself, but yet am still asking my mind, 'you know she hates anything emotional, why would she have brought up this instead of let me continue not realizing my emotions?'. But, regardless of what I felt, I knew that getting into a relationship with my friends brother would probably ruin our friendship. And this friendship is something that has saved my life too many times.
(Present, kind of)
Two Days ago I found myself sick, but headed to walmart anyways to pick up some things the house desperately needed (food...gotta love it). Of course you see everyone in the universe at Walmart, don't you? Mr. INFJ was there with his friend walking towards me. My mind went into Ne mode. I could jump and roll into the female items aisle where they surely wouldn't follow. Or possibly I could just run which might freak him out to where he'd never talk to me. But no...I just kept walking in his direction. Mr. INFJ smiles and waves saying, "Hey, Miss INFP." Of course all I can do is stare at the ground awkwardly, twiddle my thumbs nervously, and start sweating drops that burn my skin and walk swiftly away. As I walked further I swear his friend laughed and I began to beat myself up. I could have said anything! "Thanks alot, Mr. INFJ for letting me borrow Little Big Planet and Fire Emblem and for returning that game I let you borrow quickly!" or "Thank you for noticing I exist unlike so many!". Later, the next day, INTJ friend texts me and asks "Were you at Walmart?" (yes...) "Way to be socially retarded when Mr. INFJ said hi to you near the Aloe Vera aisle." Wow...he remembered what aisle he said hello to me by...that has to mean something! (I was sick, and trying to get out of walmart before I threw up. Sorry for not being polite...) "Oh...I guess that makes since then. But you should always try to be polite." Did I hurt his feelings!?
So now, I don't even know why I posted this ultra long, unecessary thing or what I'm even looking for. Advice for the young one who has no idea what to do, I suppose. I can't figure out if it's his Fe politeness or if he really enjoys my company too. He could just feel bad for my social awkwardness. At the same time though INTJ seems like too good of a friend to even think about doing this to. Sorry for the dumb post, and by a new member of the forums which makes me feel even worse. I just seriously need some help! One shouldn't feel bad about liking someone, but it sure feels terrible!
(Flashback)
I've known a very sweet guy (INFJ for sure, probably 9w?) for around two years now, although it was more of knowing from a distance if you get what I mean. His sister (INTJ) and I have been very close friends (she's kept me from doing some really stupid stuff with my life uncountable times) for quite a long time now, and I didn't even notice that I was falling in love with stories about him she told me. I'm such an NF. When I did actually get to see him talking was very easy for me and I was always interested in what he had to say. Of course my face getting tomato red, my hands getting sweaty, and my voice tripping over words was completely ignored. When they shared a bit of some hard times he had gone through I began to feel an even deeper connection to him as we had gone through some very similar things. He always asked me if I was doing alright and if I need any help with anything...but that could just be his Fe politeness...
(Flashback closer to now)
A few months ago INTJ friend brought up the fact that I liked him through a letter (Oh, I do love her to death! How she knows and respects that I am lethally embarassed of talking about things like this any other way!). Of course I had no idea what was going on until I sat down and went through my complete file cabinet of emotions I've had in the passed few years. Let's just say the realization she helped me with struck me like a thunderbolt in the head and I cried quite a while out of shame of myself. Why? Well everyone that meets her brother begins to like him. She was probably greatly dissapointed in me. I then asked her if she was, to which she replied no, and I still believe that. She is the most honest person I've ever met in my short lifetime. Of course, I'm still upset with myself, but yet am still asking my mind, 'you know she hates anything emotional, why would she have brought up this instead of let me continue not realizing my emotions?'. But, regardless of what I felt, I knew that getting into a relationship with my friends brother would probably ruin our friendship. And this friendship is something that has saved my life too many times.
(Present, kind of)
Two Days ago I found myself sick, but headed to walmart anyways to pick up some things the house desperately needed (food...gotta love it). Of course you see everyone in the universe at Walmart, don't you? Mr. INFJ was there with his friend walking towards me. My mind went into Ne mode. I could jump and roll into the female items aisle where they surely wouldn't follow. Or possibly I could just run which might freak him out to where he'd never talk to me. But no...I just kept walking in his direction. Mr. INFJ smiles and waves saying, "Hey, Miss INFP." Of course all I can do is stare at the ground awkwardly, twiddle my thumbs nervously, and start sweating drops that burn my skin and walk swiftly away. As I walked further I swear his friend laughed and I began to beat myself up. I could have said anything! "Thanks alot, Mr. INFJ for letting me borrow Little Big Planet and Fire Emblem and for returning that game I let you borrow quickly!" or "Thank you for noticing I exist unlike so many!". Later, the next day, INTJ friend texts me and asks "Were you at Walmart?" (yes...) "Way to be socially retarded when Mr. INFJ said hi to you near the Aloe Vera aisle." Wow...he remembered what aisle he said hello to me by...that has to mean something! (I was sick, and trying to get out of walmart before I threw up. Sorry for not being polite...) "Oh...I guess that makes since then. But you should always try to be polite." Did I hurt his feelings!?
So now, I don't even know why I posted this ultra long, unecessary thing or what I'm even looking for. Advice for the young one who has no idea what to do, I suppose. I can't figure out if it's his Fe politeness or if he really enjoys my company too. He could just feel bad for my social awkwardness. At the same time though INTJ seems like too good of a friend to even think about doing this to. Sorry for the dumb post, and by a new member of the forums which makes me feel even worse. I just seriously need some help! One shouldn't feel bad about liking someone, but it sure feels terrible!
