INFP confused by INFJ behavior and self... | INFJ Forum

INFP confused by INFJ behavior and self...

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Searching_and_Searching, Jun 12, 2009.

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  1. Searching_and_Searching

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    Yeah, it's pretty dumb that the reason I, the 4w5 INFP, came to this forum was to post this. But I really am confused by something this small. The kind of confused that is banging your head against a wall until you have permanent brain damage. The kind that makes you listen to corny and sad romance songs to remind yourself of how pathetic you really are.

    (Flashback)
    I've known a very sweet guy (INFJ for sure, probably 9w?) for around two years now, although it was more of knowing from a distance if you get what I mean. His sister (INTJ) and I have been very close friends (she's kept me from doing some really stupid stuff with my life uncountable times) for quite a long time now, and I didn't even notice that I was falling in love with stories about him she told me. I'm such an NF. When I did actually get to see him talking was very easy for me and I was always interested in what he had to say. Of course my face getting tomato red, my hands getting sweaty, and my voice tripping over words was completely ignored. When they shared a bit of some hard times he had gone through I began to feel an even deeper connection to him as we had gone through some very similar things. He always asked me if I was doing alright and if I need any help with anything...but that could just be his Fe politeness...

    (Flashback closer to now)
    A few months ago INTJ friend brought up the fact that I liked him through a letter (Oh, I do love her to death! How she knows and respects that I am lethally embarassed of talking about things like this any other way!). Of course I had no idea what was going on until I sat down and went through my complete file cabinet of emotions I've had in the passed few years. Let's just say the realization she helped me with struck me like a thunderbolt in the head and I cried quite a while out of shame of myself. Why? Well everyone that meets her brother begins to like him. She was probably greatly dissapointed in me. I then asked her if she was, to which she replied no, and I still believe that. She is the most honest person I've ever met in my short lifetime. Of course, I'm still upset with myself, but yet am still asking my mind, 'you know she hates anything emotional, why would she have brought up this instead of let me continue not realizing my emotions?'. But, regardless of what I felt, I knew that getting into a relationship with my friends brother would probably ruin our friendship. And this friendship is something that has saved my life too many times.

    (Present, kind of)
    Two Days ago I found myself sick, but headed to walmart anyways to pick up some things the house desperately needed (food...gotta love it). Of course you see everyone in the universe at Walmart, don't you? Mr. INFJ was there with his friend walking towards me. My mind went into Ne mode. I could jump and roll into the female items aisle where they surely wouldn't follow. Or possibly I could just run which might freak him out to where he'd never talk to me. But no...I just kept walking in his direction. Mr. INFJ smiles and waves saying, "Hey, Miss INFP." Of course all I can do is stare at the ground awkwardly, twiddle my thumbs nervously, and start sweating drops that burn my skin and walk swiftly away. As I walked further I swear his friend laughed and I began to beat myself up. I could have said anything! "Thanks alot, Mr. INFJ for letting me borrow Little Big Planet and Fire Emblem and for returning that game I let you borrow quickly!" or "Thank you for noticing I exist unlike so many!". Later, the next day, INTJ friend texts me and asks "Were you at Walmart?" (yes...) "Way to be socially retarded when Mr. INFJ said hi to you near the Aloe Vera aisle." Wow...he remembered what aisle he said hello to me by...that has to mean something! (I was sick, and trying to get out of walmart before I threw up. Sorry for not being polite...) "Oh...I guess that makes since then. But you should always try to be polite." Did I hurt his feelings!?

    So now, I don't even know why I posted this ultra long, unecessary thing or what I'm even looking for. Advice for the young one who has no idea what to do, I suppose. I can't figure out if it's his Fe politeness or if he really enjoys my company too. He could just feel bad for my social awkwardness. At the same time though INTJ seems like too good of a friend to even think about doing this to. Sorry for the dumb post, and by a new member of the forums which makes me feel even worse. I just seriously need some help! One shouldn't feel bad about liking someone, but it sure feels terrible!
     
  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    Fe can make INFJ's seem extroverted, like in this case. My Fe, for me make me like being happy and plesent around people. I strive to make people confortable and warm. Partly because I want to feel this way, and it is a way for me to get that. I don't know about the other INFJ's here, but I am rather picky with people. If I did not like someone, I would not have responded the way he did to you. That shows that he has an interest in you (not nesscerarly a romantic one, but at least in a friendship sense). The thing with us is because of our Ni, we can gaudge by other peoples responses what they think of us, and I would venture to guess that he knows you were just shy. As such, he will likely keep pulling stuff like this. Break out of your shell and talk to him! Us INFJ's like that kind of thing :)
     
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  3. OP
    Searching_and_Searching

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    I did open up to him once. Well for an INFP, I guess. The thing is, I don't ever really see him unless I'm hanging out with his sister. So I can't really blurt out, "God, I like you! You make my heart put on tennis shoes and skip down life's path for a few moments which is now covered with flowers and sunshine smiley faces!"

    It's more limited to awkward conversations in front of her and her other family. (For instance)
    1.) Me going with my best friend his little sister INTJ to her little sister's Christmas program. We all stop by a fast food place together and I sit with them and start arranging the salt and pepper shaker tray the way I like it and I notice he's watching me do it. He then stops eating pulls the tray away from me and says "No, no you're doing it entirely wrong. Don't put pepper in the front because no one uses pepper at fast food resteraunts." After I explained I did on my fries he arranged it back the way I liked it. Was this...um, him flirting in a very strange little way? I'm socially retarded and new to this. His older sister (INFP like me) gives me a very strange look and continues eating. We then go into a long conversation about the future of games and what he'd create if he could along with INTJ friend.
    2.)Went to his INFP older sisters birthday where all of his and her friends were there. He spent all of the time with them while me and INTJ friend were hanging out in her room. When we do come out to get cake and celebrate, every once in a while I catch myself looking over at him and notice that wherever I am in the room, he is always on the opposite side. This makes me very sad and uncomfortable. Later near the end he comes into INTJ friends room with us and asks what we're doing holed up in there. He then goes into making fun of my accent which (in an attempt to flirt very awkwardly) I tell him with the strangest feeling smile on Earth. He makes fun of my very bad accent to which I playfully try to correct for him and tell him he's being mean. Then he looks seriously offended for a second (???) but just starts to smile afterwards and walks out of the room telling me my dad is here to get me (still can't drive lol). INTJ sister is laughing...at me probably.

    Is that the kind of 'pulling stuff' that you're talking about indigosensor?

    I'm pretty sure he does like me. But then again he is a very strange person and doesn't go out of his way to talk to me like most guys who like you do. Is he just flirting with me for fun? Is he not even flirting and I'm just taking it that way? I'm confused. And I couldn't possibly talk to INTJ friend about this. That would be...scary.
     
  4. Onyrica

    Onyrica Community Member

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    If he really is an INFJ, he'll probably know what you're on about by now. Among other things, we tend to know when people like us; just as we catch 'vibes' from afar, from people who are not in direct contact with us, imagine what it would be like to catch those 'vibes' from someone who's directly interacting with us. Attraction is a very strong emotional pattern, and it's usually shown in several subtle (or not so subtle) ways that, as an INFJ, are easy to catch.

    I wont pass judgment on wether I think he likes you or he doesn't. I can't know that based on the data you've said so far, and wether I can make a speculation or not, I think the importance here is to realize a couple of things:

    This is gonna sound clich
     
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  5. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    I'm a type 9 INFJ. I am quite certain he enjoys your company. It would appear that there simply has not been ample opportunity to develop feelings beyond that. He probably is hesitant to pursue anything for the very same reasons you are and probably thinks it's best to keep you at a distance. He may have not even considered you as an option. If you really want something more, you'll have to engage that in some way, make your intentions very obvious. I'm totally oblivious to womens interests in me, always have been.

    And him poking fun at you is obviously warm natured which means he's comfortable around you. The strange look you get after telling him he's being mean probably just means he wasn't trying to be mean.
     
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  6. OP
    Searching_and_Searching

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    I hope later he figured out that I was only joking about him being mean. I really am screwing up left and right...not saying hello when he said hello and him probably telling his sister I'm socially retarded...making him mad...next thing I know I'll break his game and not have the money to pay it back...sigh...

    I'm thinking about joining an online thing he goes to. Myspace creeps me out though. It's all dark and scary and full of lies...but that's the only thing I know he goes on. I'm sure if I did join though, he'd put me on his friend thing maybe since he knows me as kind of an aquaintance. Most people will put you on there whether they know you well enough or not right? And that way, I'm sure to figure out things because he might bring it up in a message! Aha! ...INTJ sister...would be sure to figure out though. Then again, she already knows I like him and this doesn't upset her. I'm going in circles...dang.

    Anyone think this is a good idea. And if INTJ asked why I joined I could give the excuse that an ENFP friend of mine wanted me to...but she sees right through me and gets mad when I lie to her...so I might as well tell the truth.

    Can you imagine what they'd think if they saw this post? It makes me sick to my stomach yet all laugh laugh in the brain just thinking about it.
     
  7. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Or you could talk to the guy and be open and honest... instead of stalker-ish.
     
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  8. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

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    I don't think you saying he was being mean something that he'll hold any kind of resentment to you about. I wouldn't. Don't dwell on it.
     
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  9. OP
    Searching_and_Searching

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    I would do that, but I would never have time to talk to him alone any other time besides on the computer...it's very very difficult to open up with this kind of thing when there are five other people you know standing around listening...

    You're right, I am a creepy stalker!!!

    And he and his sister have gone into this huge speech before on how it's still so much better when the guy talks to the girl about things...so I'm stuck waiting around...why do they have to be so old-fashioned!?
     
  10. dneecey

    dneecey I am who I am.

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    Oh gosh, you poor thing. I'm sorry you're such a nervous wreck about all of this. You really are an analyzer aren't you? I really can't say much other than what everyone else has said and tell you to continue to be yourself, and try to come out of your shell some. You guys have some of the same interests so that's a huge plus. Try to build from there. Ask him questions. I mean, I know you get nervous talking to him around other people, but start with light hearted conversation then. I mean, if you're talking about video games then it's likely not going to go into a spiel about your feelings for each other in front of other people, but at least it might give him something to remember and think about later. And in true INFJ form, he most likely will go over it in his head later. I also have to agree that the stalker method isn't so great. I mean, I have a myspace, and a facebook, but mostly because I live on the other side of the world from the majority of my friends, and it's a cheap way of communicating. Don't join it just for one person...

    But okay, two cents thrown, and I will say that if you need to talk more, or just randomly vent, I'm here. Good luck. :D
     
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  11. Vegscara

    Vegscara Regular Poster

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    If anything the fact that your so shy might be the reason he likes you. Just ty smiling and talking politly with him. nothing drastic. if he likes you he will probobly try to get to know you better.
     
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