Well, I haven't been here in a loooooooong while, but thought to post this thread about what's written in the Title...INFJs and Long Distance relationships.
I think I need help with it and wanted to know what other INFJs think about it.
Here it is
Well, I've met a person who I love very much and care for him like I've never cared for someone before as I was always loved by people, but never really loved anyone until I met this person. His dad passed away 6 days before we met and I met him by coincidence with a friend who actually wanted to introduce us to each other and I found that out later and we both didn't know that. He insisted to take my number before I left them to go home...called me the next day and that's how it started. I was being myself as usual and not knowing that his dad passed away that recently, I used to joke and get him out of being sad, but when I added him later on facebook, I found out that his dad passed away just days before we met and I backed off and kind of stopped joking and talking to him for a bit...he noticed and asked what's wrong and why am I not being myself as to joke or get him out of the mood, I told him I thought I was rude to joke around like that and talk normally when it's probably really hard on you since your dad just passed away. He told me nope, not at all, it's the total opposite, I'm really happy and I'm hardly seeing anyone or talking to any of my friends except you lately because I don't think of what happened as much when I'm with you and you seem like a great girl to be with...I made it clear and our mutual friend told him that I'm not that type of girl who likes to go out a lot and she's serious girl...so, if you like her, be true to her and think of marrying her, not just going out with her. I told him that at the beginning of our relationship to let him know and to tell him I'm not in it for you to break my heart and hurt me or play with me and him alone said that, he said I would never play with you and I'm serious.
He met with my father and actually proposed to want me for the rest of our lives...dad asked about him to find out who he is before they met and he found out he's from a good family, decent guy and is serious when he met with him...dad told him and I as I was present when they met, I'm happy with this relationship and I approve of you as a husband for my daughter, but since you both decided to live abroad from where we live now...you have to stabilize yourself in the country where you choose to live your life together. We both have lived in this country before, so it's not a big deal for both of us. He just had to find a job and he did and I'm grateful for that, so he's stabilizing himself based on what dad wants before we get married.
What's bothering me now is...not only his dad passed away in the past year, but a month later after his dad's passing away, his grandfather from his mother's side who raised him also passed away then his grandmother from his father's side passed away this year on the same day his dad's passing away anniversary. Then very recently, last July, his uncle from his dad's side passed away in a car accident...he wasn't in good terms with his uncle and I knew that from him when he was living here before he moved abroad. So, in conclusion, recently when we talk, I find so depressed and he keeps telling me, he hardly talks to anyone, even his grandmother who raised him here, which shows to me that I'm his special lady since even though he's been through a lot, he still talks to me and I'm special enough that he wants to talk to me even though he's hardly talking to anyone especially his grandmother who he's really close to...he lives with his mother now abroad in the same city and I don't think he talks to her much as he's not talking to anyone.
I'm having a hard time in this relationship because we recently talked about us and he told me he wants me and that I should back off and made sure that I don't misunderstand him because I'm sensitive and I might understand that he doesn't want to talk to me too, but he told me, I don't mean it that way and I don't want you to not talk to me at all...just give me space and not have me rush in this relationship as I'm emotionally unstable because of what's happening in my life and all these deaths especially recently, my uncle died and we weren't in good terms, so it makes me feel down. I love you and I want you in my life, but I'm emotionally not ready right now to feel what you feel and you're a smart and sophisticated girl and this this a sophisticated relationship, not a normal relationship, so we need to be patient and think of the long-run, think that I'm stabilizing everything for us, think positively in simple ways, don't think that I don't care since we're hardly talking or think that I'm happy we're far apart, it's not that at all...I'm just turned off from life and again he made sure I wasn't sensitive and misunderstood...and said "I'm not turned off from you, I'm turned off from life so you don't misunderstand me and think I don't want you in my life"
One of the good things that made me really happy recently, is the day he started work, I was waiting to send him an sms guessing that he will finish at 6pm his time, I thought I would wait and send it at that time...I got a message from him at 5:03 pm saying he just finished work and I'm guessing he finished at 5pm and I was the first person on his mind right after work to tell me how his first day at work went for him. I was really happy and it's things like this that assure me that he wants me. The last time we talked, he told me I'm not playing with you and don't think since I'm saying I'm emotionally unstable for marriage at this right moment means that I don't want you, it's the total opposite, I just wish I could be happy again or at least normal as before because I'm feeling down and at times, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I have to get through it and it's just a matter of time.
So, after this long talk, I wanted to know...is this normal for an INFJ to worry a lot like this and keep thinking like I'm thinking, always wondering since he's far away from me, am I in his thoughts like he is? God sends me signs that he's a good person and he is thinking of me and it surprises me that on the days I'm feeling like today or when I'm down because of it, I find him talking to me or I dream of him comforting me by hugging me or us being happy or just sitting next to him and he's tapping on my back like as a sign that "Everything will be ok".
Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your comments on this from an INFJs perspective
I think I need help with it and wanted to know what other INFJs think about it.
Here it is
Well, I've met a person who I love very much and care for him like I've never cared for someone before as I was always loved by people, but never really loved anyone until I met this person. His dad passed away 6 days before we met and I met him by coincidence with a friend who actually wanted to introduce us to each other and I found that out later and we both didn't know that. He insisted to take my number before I left them to go home...called me the next day and that's how it started. I was being myself as usual and not knowing that his dad passed away that recently, I used to joke and get him out of being sad, but when I added him later on facebook, I found out that his dad passed away just days before we met and I backed off and kind of stopped joking and talking to him for a bit...he noticed and asked what's wrong and why am I not being myself as to joke or get him out of the mood, I told him I thought I was rude to joke around like that and talk normally when it's probably really hard on you since your dad just passed away. He told me nope, not at all, it's the total opposite, I'm really happy and I'm hardly seeing anyone or talking to any of my friends except you lately because I don't think of what happened as much when I'm with you and you seem like a great girl to be with...I made it clear and our mutual friend told him that I'm not that type of girl who likes to go out a lot and she's serious girl...so, if you like her, be true to her and think of marrying her, not just going out with her. I told him that at the beginning of our relationship to let him know and to tell him I'm not in it for you to break my heart and hurt me or play with me and him alone said that, he said I would never play with you and I'm serious.
He met with my father and actually proposed to want me for the rest of our lives...dad asked about him to find out who he is before they met and he found out he's from a good family, decent guy and is serious when he met with him...dad told him and I as I was present when they met, I'm happy with this relationship and I approve of you as a husband for my daughter, but since you both decided to live abroad from where we live now...you have to stabilize yourself in the country where you choose to live your life together. We both have lived in this country before, so it's not a big deal for both of us. He just had to find a job and he did and I'm grateful for that, so he's stabilizing himself based on what dad wants before we get married.
What's bothering me now is...not only his dad passed away in the past year, but a month later after his dad's passing away, his grandfather from his mother's side who raised him also passed away then his grandmother from his father's side passed away this year on the same day his dad's passing away anniversary. Then very recently, last July, his uncle from his dad's side passed away in a car accident...he wasn't in good terms with his uncle and I knew that from him when he was living here before he moved abroad. So, in conclusion, recently when we talk, I find so depressed and he keeps telling me, he hardly talks to anyone, even his grandmother who raised him here, which shows to me that I'm his special lady since even though he's been through a lot, he still talks to me and I'm special enough that he wants to talk to me even though he's hardly talking to anyone especially his grandmother who he's really close to...he lives with his mother now abroad in the same city and I don't think he talks to her much as he's not talking to anyone.
I'm having a hard time in this relationship because we recently talked about us and he told me he wants me and that I should back off and made sure that I don't misunderstand him because I'm sensitive and I might understand that he doesn't want to talk to me too, but he told me, I don't mean it that way and I don't want you to not talk to me at all...just give me space and not have me rush in this relationship as I'm emotionally unstable because of what's happening in my life and all these deaths especially recently, my uncle died and we weren't in good terms, so it makes me feel down. I love you and I want you in my life, but I'm emotionally not ready right now to feel what you feel and you're a smart and sophisticated girl and this this a sophisticated relationship, not a normal relationship, so we need to be patient and think of the long-run, think that I'm stabilizing everything for us, think positively in simple ways, don't think that I don't care since we're hardly talking or think that I'm happy we're far apart, it's not that at all...I'm just turned off from life and again he made sure I wasn't sensitive and misunderstood...and said "I'm not turned off from you, I'm turned off from life so you don't misunderstand me and think I don't want you in my life"
One of the good things that made me really happy recently, is the day he started work, I was waiting to send him an sms guessing that he will finish at 6pm his time, I thought I would wait and send it at that time...I got a message from him at 5:03 pm saying he just finished work and I'm guessing he finished at 5pm and I was the first person on his mind right after work to tell me how his first day at work went for him. I was really happy and it's things like this that assure me that he wants me. The last time we talked, he told me I'm not playing with you and don't think since I'm saying I'm emotionally unstable for marriage at this right moment means that I don't want you, it's the total opposite, I just wish I could be happy again or at least normal as before because I'm feeling down and at times, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I have to get through it and it's just a matter of time.
So, after this long talk, I wanted to know...is this normal for an INFJ to worry a lot like this and keep thinking like I'm thinking, always wondering since he's far away from me, am I in his thoughts like he is? God sends me signs that he's a good person and he is thinking of me and it surprises me that on the days I'm feeling like today or when I'm down because of it, I find him talking to me or I dream of him comforting me by hugging me or us being happy or just sitting next to him and he's tapping on my back like as a sign that "Everything will be ok".
Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your comments on this from an INFJs perspective
