INFJs and INTPs

Jill Hives

Jill Hives

fhtagn
Retired Staff
MBTI
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
This is mainly a question for male INTPs concerning female INFJs, although anyone can chime in with opinions/experiences, I don't mind.

Do you find INTPs and INFJs to be compatible as friends or romantic partners? What have been the largest hurdles in your relationship or what do you think would be?

I used to think INTPs and INFJs were fairly well matched but it really seems like it could go either way.

Obviously I know it also depends much on the individuals in question.
 
I find this paring is very compatible. The one caveat to the relationship this that both parties need to be aware of the temperament of the other in the sense that an INTP is an rational and an INFJ is an Idealist. When interacting with Rationals never insult the amount or quality of their knowledge. When interacting with Idealists be mindful of insulting their ideas and values. I recently had this pointed out to me and was able to see the ramifications first hand. Needless to say my interactions go very differently with this INTP friend now.
 
Female INTP
Male INTP.
Me.
Unrelated.


[21:07] <Bird> Do you guys think you get along well with me?
[21:07] <Bird> Please be honest.
[21:08] <Kuu> your neurons long for intercourse with the internet, Patience
[21:08] <Patience> my neurons made me hear a chopper that wasn't here, so they long for... something
[21:08] <Kuu> yes, bird
[21:08] *** __ changed nick to P
[21:08] <Bird> Anyone else?
[21:09] <Kuu> they yearn for a quintillion petabytes per second rushing through them
[21:09] <P> can't say
[21:09] <Bird> That's okay A
[21:09] <P> quite possibly, I'm very polite irl
[21:09] <Bird> Lol
[21:09] <Bird> I take that to mean 'I would get along with you only because I'm polite'
[21:10] <Kuu> or 'you'd never know what hit you when you die of cyanide poisoning 3 months from our first meeting'
[21:11] <P> I didn't mean it that way
Click to expand...



Make of it what you will.
 
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I'm an INTP male whose best friend is an INFJ female. She was my first love, although it was unrequited as she never really considered a relationship with a younger guy. Also, I never told her how I felt until after her family stopped going to my church (which was the only place I saw her), she had a boyfriend at the time, and I was far from articulate. We were then out of contact for 5 years, but have become close since the start of last year. I'll always love her, but she's more like family than a romantic interest now, and likely would be even if she were available. I can't say for a fact how compatible we would have been romantically, but we're very compatible friends. Granted, we've only had the chance to see each other in person 3 times since we got back in touch, but we talk on the phone pretty often. The last time I saw her in person was yesterday, at her wedding.
 
Yes, I was actually friends with a couple without knowing they were INFJs at first. We were schoolmates so I'm not entirely sure of the dynamics, but I didn't have a problem with them.

Ryan Earl Moore said:
I find this paring is very compatible. The one caveat to the relationship this that both parties need to be aware of the temperament of the other in the sense that an INTP is an rational and an INFJ is an Idealist. When interacting with Rationals never insult the amount or quality of their knowledge. When interacting with Idealists be mindful of insulting their ideas and values. I recently had this pointed out to me and was able to see the ramifications first hand. Needless to say my interactions go very differently with this INTP friend now.
Click to expand...

It would seem as if the area in which one is dominant in, there would be an immunity to evaluational commentary.
 
I'm an INTP married to an INFJ. We've been crazy about each other for 35 years. 'Nuf said.
 
My ex-girlfriend is an INFJ. INTPs get absorbed into things and then INFJs think they're ignoring them and get all pissy. It's nice to have someone to hermit with and stuff.

Ehh... I can't think of any broad insights.
 
Matariki said:
I think thats going to be the result regardless of what sort realtionship an INTP is involved in.
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Like anyone else, INTP's can learn to pay attention to loved ones, even if it distracts them from their self-stimulative thinking.
 
I've never meet a female INTP so I don't know how that would work out.
 
Meer said:
My ex-girlfriend is an INFJ. INTPs get absorbed into things and then INFJs think they're ignoring them and get all pissy. It's nice to have someone to hermit with and stuff.

Ehh... I can't think of any broad insights.
Click to expand...
I find that I only get pissy with my husband when he does this is when I had a sort of mental plan going on as to how things were going to go down later. For example, if he gets off of work late and I was expecting cuddles when he was done but then he never comes in and goes to pass out on the couch instead after reading for a while. These are things I like to know about ahead of time so that I don't have to deal with expecting one thing and then getting an unpleasant surprise. If I am very clear with him before hand about my wants/needs, this doesn't seem to be an issue, but sometimes I still forget to tell him and end up hurt anyway.

Proper communication usually solves this problem though.
 
I'm pretty sure an INTP would crush me without meaning too. or she would find me unattractive. I'm sure I wouldn't be a enough of a T.
 
My wife is an INFJ. We get along very well. Though she does get perturbed at my being aloof and occasionally withdrawn, she understands needing alone time.

I have had two other long-term relationships prior to meeting my wife seven years ago. They were both INFJ and it was more circumstance than the inablity to relate that caused our difficulties.

The worst relationships I ever had were with an ESFJ and ESTP, but I do not necessarily chalk that up to incongruency in typology.
 
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