INFJ Verbal Affirmation? | INFJ Forum

INFJ Verbal Affirmation?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Exodus, Jun 16, 2009.

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  1. Exodus

    Exodus Regular Poster

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    I have noticed that INTJs don't like to verbalize their emotions. Is this something that changes in time, or are you so content with reading the other persons emotion that you have no need to say anything.

    Which leads me to my next question. Do you require verbal affirmation?

    One of the oddest things (in a good way) i've noticed between myself (INTJ) and my INFJ is that we are perfectly content with not saying a word regarding how we feel about each other. I would say on average I will say some things when the mood is right, but I would never say something just to say it. (Like most people seem to do)

    We seem to just "know" that the other is extremely happy/sad/frustrated ect. I'm wondering if this is the shared Primary Intuition?



    I think I personally would like to hear a heartfelt word of affirmation when the situation is ideal, from time to time. I don't need this affirmation to confirm that the other person does indeed care about me, but much more so to simply heighten the experience. I would rather someone tell me "I Love You" once a month, if they really meant it deeply. I don't require, or even particularly like repititious words of affirmation, because they lose their meaning.

    I'm going to throw one more question in here that is completely different.
    Question Number Two!

    Do you enjoy explanations of the nature I gave above? I sometimes feel like my need to explain every facet of a situation could annoy someone, but I just can't help it! I would like to think that someone would appreciate the genuine thought and effort I put into my explanations.

    INTJs do require verbal affirmation regarding our ideas and thoughts however. So Question Number Two requires a honest and well thought out answer. Pretty Please. =)

    (I keep looking at the monkey emoticons, and they still freak me out a little bit. I think it is because they are so "cute". They must have some sort of malicious intent... just wait and see....)
     
  2. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    i relate to everything you've described there.
     
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  3. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    The problem I have with verbal affirmations is that I immediately start doubting the intentions behind their words. If someone tells me "you're cute" or "you're smart" I start coming up with things for why the person said it at the first place. I start thinking "maybe she is saying that because she needs my help for something"or "maybe she's making fun of me". When I'm in the mood or pretty confident about the other person I will take her comment as genuine because I just know when someone is being sincere or not. The only times I've said "I love you"to someone is when I hadn't meant it but when I truly have an affection towards a person I like it is very hard for me to say those words.

    In regards to question number two is that when I share an idea with someone I want everyone to agree with me regardless if I'm right or wrong, I want to always receive a favorable response. I've learned a little on how to defend my arguments when someone disagrees but usually I don't know the reasons I say such things that's why I have a really hard time with people disagreeing with me. However, I want to learn on how to give evidence to what I'm talking about so people have an outline on what I'm actually saying. It's a frustration to give logical explanations sometimes but when I actually come up with them I feel pretty good about myself.
     
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  4. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    Great post! Well, I know that amoungst me and my friends there aren't many occasions where we verbalize how we feel about eachother or talk about our actual relationship(though it's easy for me to talk about other relationships in almost any context), but it seems like it is present in some form that can be picked up on with stealth. For example, one of my friends just spontaneously decides to sort of verbally lash out at me humorously and in a way that cannot be taken seriously, and it seems like sort of a steathly way of being like, "dude, I like you, remember?!?!"

    My friends seem to give this to me in some form or another. One of them is always excited to peal apart every idea I have with eagerness, and I know he values our relationship, so it basically feels like a twisted sort of positive affirmation.
    So honestly, just thinking about it, and based on how good all of that feels, I think it ultimately is important to me.

    So, I really relate to what you are saying in your second question! I find it exciting that my appreciation for what you are getting at there really IS connected to the Ni we share. YES, I think that those types of thoughtful explanations are valuable. When I detect that sort of thoughtfulness, I even tend to feel proud. To find it in real life is practically exotic, and especially exciting, and honestly, I don't think that that feeling is exclusive to those who share it, I think there are lots of people, including some of the spazziest sensors, that are excited to find it.

    Oh, and *whisper whisper*... I have... reservations... about the monkeys as well...*whisper whisper* Don't tell anyone! Hahaha!
     
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    #4 Hinsoog, Jun 17, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009
  5. Auburn

    Auburn Regular Poster

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    Why oh why??? :m033:
    Why so suspicious and distrusting of their compassion for you...?

    Why cast out those who only wish to love you...?

    Why not give them a fair chance to prove you wrong...?

    Why…..

    ***
    *regains composure*
    *ahem*

    @ 2nd question - I really do enjoy observations like this, and I tend to admire those who give them. I may not say it openly, but my own way of showing I appreciated an intellectual idea is to give it all the thought that I can, and then come back with a well thought out response which testifies that I digested everything they wrote. It's my way of telling them that their thought are worthwhile, because I'm sure they must have given them much thought and effort as well.

    I'm not an INFJ, and I'm not sure if this is intended exclusively for them. I apologize if it is. >.<
    But um, in my case, words are not necessary, but I think perhaps some form of expression is. I'm well aware of the fact that every human evolves daily. Who you are today is not entirely the same person you were yesterday. So with this in mind, I cherish every affirmation that is directed toward me and don't really fully expect it to be there tomorrow. This is what makes every expression all the more meaningful to me, and also shields me from taking people for granted.
     
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    #5 Auburn, Jun 17, 2009
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  6. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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  7. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I find it a bit awkward to say much of what I feel, since many times those feelings are more intense than what normal people generally put into words, and I don't want to come off too strong. Plus, I think that those words would get lost in the shallow verbal confirmations of lighter things, and I wouldn't want them to be taken for anything less than what they are -- when I say, "I love you," I want it to mean a lot, and it seems to do the job better when those words aren't constantly floating in space.

    But I do need some verbal recognition, although more from some people than from others. I need more confirmation from people when I'm becoming comfortable with them -- for instance, I would need someone to say, "I love you" more at the beginning of the relationship, until I became confident that that's the case in both their conscious actions and body language. It's really nice to hear something said, sincerely and deeply.

    As for question number two, I do enjoy thought-out and genuine explanations, as long as they're not too long-winded :) You did a good job, and I rather enjoyed reading your thoughts. I don't mind giving verbal confirmation to things like that, and often do, because when someone can explain a thought or idea eloquently, it's truly enjoyable to hear it.
     
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  8. Solstice

    Solstice Regular Poster

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    I can relate to RelaxingMelody on distrusting compliments. To be honest, when I hear a compliment from someone I don't know too well, it creates more problems for me than the person realizes. It can bug me for days at times wondering whether or not they were patronizing, genuine, sincere, lying, manipulating... I try to look at it from every possible way and never really decide which it was. Of course, my pessimistic Ni likes to create problems so I usually end up passing it off as a lie or "they were just being nice." I wish I wasn't this way, and I've been trying to trust people more on this kind of stuff, but it's really hard for me.

    When it comes from a friend or someone I trust a bit more, then I appreciate it, because I know their intentions are not malicious.
     
    #8 Solstice, Jun 17, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009
  9. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    That isn't exactly correct for me. Its not that I don't like to verbalize my emotions. It is that I am afraid to. If I knew the person would be understanding, I'd probably do it more. I tend to be perceived as a very cold logical person when I'm actually the opposite, but I'm just too afraid to really pursue intimacy the way others do.

    It depends what you mean by require whether or not I require it. It definitely helps, and I definitely appreciate it. I would probably need it to be open with someone. Of course, I might be an atypical INFJ.

    I don't know if it is shared primary intuition. She could just be afraid to say what she wants to. I can't tell you from this.

    I don't really care. They don't necessarily annoy me, but I guess the are good for giving information and being clear on what you want out of a reply, so I appreciate them in that sense because I wont feel like an idiot for saying the completely wrong thing.
     
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