INFJ shutting the door on someone | INFJ Forum

INFJ shutting the door on someone

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I've heard this MANY times from xNFJs! Like how they cut off absolutely ALL contact with someone.
1) when do you do this? And why?
2) did you ever do it?
3) is it specific to nfj's? Or at least most frequent among them?
4) do you manage to go through with it 100%?
 
for some reason ive known a lot of completely unpredictable and untrustworthy people who do things like stealing or constantly lying. i think the liars are the worst, whether they are lying to me about things, or lying to other people about me. i even had a close family member who is a rapist. i cant really tell whether most people are like this, or whether ive just had the misfortune to know a high proportion of people like this. they have no internal moral sense, they do things that are wrong and dishonest and then later they laugh about them over a beer. eventually i decide according to some combination of the following: i dont want this person in my life anymore, i dont need this person in my life anymore, this person is more trouble than their friendship is worth, i am no longer able to provide an authentic and meaningful quality of friendship to this person due to my emotions about them. i have usually just walked away, sometimes changed my phone number and address and email address. although sometimes they have demanded an explanation, and i have just told them, you are unpredictable and violent, or a compulsive liar, or whatever, and you should no longer consider us to be friends, because we are not. sometimes i gave no explanation because i was so completely disgusted, i just walked away and never looked back. decisions that i make like this are a long time coming and i dont make them easily, i make them deliberately. once i have made the decision, i dont have any trouble sticking to it completely, because by that time, i am completely fed up with the person, i just want nothing else to do with them.
 
I did once. About a week ago.
I regretted it a few hours later when mutual friends told me she was all in tears. I don't want to hurt anyone :(
She (ISFP) is really nice, but we just don't work very well. Although it hurts a lot (to both of us), I think it was the right decision.
 
I cut someone who i considered to be a close friend around April of this year. She was supposed to be my maid of honour and ended up being my maid of dishonor. I was trying to accomodate her so much it was rediculous. I dont even want to waste my time thinking about it. But in short, there are some people you just need to let go of to make time for healthier relationships.

I dont think this is specific to nfj's at all. I know all sorts of people who have done this to at least one person in their lives.

Yes i went through w it 100% bc this was not a one time incident. I realized that the friendship had been imbalanced for a ling time with me giving and accomedating...this was the straw that broke the camels back. Instead of her helping me w my wedding once again i was bending backwards to help her...i was already so overwhelmed with everything it was not a overly difficult decision to make. Our mutual friends all agreed with me and were so appalled they stopped talking to her too. She was really fun to hang out with but extremely selfish.
 
It's hard for me to cut someone out if it's a close friend of mine and we're having problems. I've tried cutting out the same person constantly but I always end up feeling just as miserable (if not more) as I do keeping the friendship going. So I always end up trying to make up, trying to make things work, etc... And sometimes I'm content with being "friends" from "afar". Other times... I'd wish I had just shut the door and kept it shut.

When it comes to people that emotionally abuse me or physically do something gross or unsafe, you're pretty much gone. Even if you apologized it'd be hard for me to come back. And I have shut people out that have done this. People in my own family even. And I find it rather easy to do especially since no effort of apology was ever made.

I guess it just depends on the person and the situation. Some people make it easy, others make it hard.
 
God, this is both easy and hard.

Easy, if I can accept the horribleness I'm about to commit.
 
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1) when do you do this? And why?
When someone betray me, because I am always honest so there's no reason for them to do such thing to me. If they do that, I don't need them in my life.

2) did you ever do it?
Yes, my ex-best friend & exes.

3) is it specific to nfj's? Or at least most frequent among them?
I thought it's who I am than I realized maybe it is an INFJ thing.

4) do you manage to go through with it 100%?
Yea, in the process of doing it it's hard. It's shocking to me someone would do me wrong like that. The process is the hardest, once it's over it's like the weight is off the chest and I move on.
 
Reanbell said:
When it comes to people that emotionally abuse me or physically do something gross or unsafe, you're pretty much gone. Even if you apologized it'd be hard for me to come back. And I have shut people out that have done this. People in my own family even. And I find it rather easy to do especially since no effort of apology was ever made.
Click to expand...

Same thing for me. Apologies only go so far and at some point I have to see someone trying to change or make our relationship better in order to even want to stay around.

to the OP:
1) when do you do this? And why?
- I do it when I am in a relationship/friendship that is unhealthy (or has become unhealthy) and starting to decrease my quality of life and mental stability.
2) did you ever do it?
- Yes I have. I just recently was forced to do it about a month ago with someone I had grown really close to. She had finally gone off the deep end (although with how much she lies, she might have been there already) and I was being emotionally abused, used, and taken advantage of. The moment where I said "enough is enough" came when she physically assaulted her mother and then blamed her mother for kicking her out, saying that it was all her fault, and then blamed me for being "too much like her mother". She hasn't taken responsibility for one thing she has done to me or anyone else since I met her. She is one of the most selfish and cruel-hearted people I know. She intentionally flirts with and provokes men in committed relationships to try to get them to cheat, and she loves doing it. I can go on and on. But since cutting her out of my life, which took two tries, I have been happier, less stressed, and able to enjoy my own life so much more. It is amazing how much one person can bring you down.
3) is it specific to nfj's? Or at least most frequent among them?
I do not think so. However I do believe that INFJs attract mentally / emotionally unstable partners more than any other mbti type. Weird, huh?
4) do you manage to go through with it 100%?
Yes I have. However each time I was not able to go through with it 100% the first time. One time it took me over 13 different "reconnections" to realize what I was doing. Recently, it was twice.
 
Any Female INFJ has story to tell. What is the aftermath of your incident?
 
1) when do you do this? And why?

*Whenever I feel it is necessary, usually after I haven't heard from someone in a long time. I strike people from my address book or email contacts.

2) did you ever do it?

* Yep!

3) is it specific to nfj's? Or at least most frequent among them?

*Don't know. I also don't make a habit of announcing my strike to others.

4) do you manage to go through with it 100%?

*It is a rarity that the other party contacts me again, so I suppose the answer is "Yes".
 
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