INFJ Self-Doubt Lack of Self-belief | INFJ Forum

INFJ Self-Doubt Lack of Self-belief

Baccal

Baccal

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Sep 18, 2009
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Hello all, this is my first post on any forum so I would be grateful for any and all feedback. Be gentle too!!

I am male aged 31 and have done many tests online which all say I am an INFJ to varying degrees. These tests include MBTI, Cog functions, Temperament, Interaction style etc etc... I have also read quite a lot of stuff online which again all resonates with me.

What may you ask is the problem then? The problem is this - despite everything I have read or tested - I seem to be plagued by continual never-ending self doubt as if I am continually picking away at myself, continually challenging my own sense of self. Perpetually believing I am being fake or inauthentic in some way. I feel I am lacking any concreteness and sometimes even struggle to answer simple questions about myself. Ironically if you were to ask me to judge or make a decision about anything else but me I could do this very quickly and decisively and perhaps come across as self-confident, bossy, decisive and shepherdlike.

As a result of eveything I describe I feel identityless and lost and wondered if this is just me or an INFJ thing? I wondered if there is any remedy as well to this. I would be grateful for your collective viewpoints.

Thx in advance
 
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i don't know if it is an INFJ thing but i feel this way too if that is reassuring. i don't think it's going to go away though. i have never stopped looking for an authentic self. i keep telling myself that it doesn't matter as there is no such thing as authentic self. it doesn't necessarily make a difference to me looking for that sense of identity though!
 
I believe that the lack of self belief is from Fe in this case. Fe allows us to change ourselves to suit our environment. If you think a certain way, the behavior will follow. In other words, whether i want to be sharp and decisive or gentle and charming, it is only the matter of stepping into the right mindset and maintaining that mindset. I guess in that case its sort of how we use Fe to put on a mask, its easy to forget which one of us is the real one underneath.

Its probably why authenticity is such an important NF value. I mean sometimes we wouldnt have our strengths if it wasnt for our weaknesses being there in the first place, right?
 
I used a few methods to help me with these problems you speak of.

I worked out of it with the use of philosophical logic. I came to the conclusion that there is no such thing is absolute right or wrong because of this there is also no such thing as an absolute definition of what "progress" is. Therefore most of our choices really boil down to preference and what we are comfortable with.

I then tried to really figure out who I am and then I realized, that I am who I am. I can only define myself by my thoughts and body. I am my flesh and I am my thoughts and ideas. I can guess at what I could become but indeed it is not and will not be a complete answer, in the end I don't fully understand or know; that is the truth. So who I am is me today, who I am tomorrow maybe different but I can tell you right now my physical body can do this and these are the opinions of my mind.

I do not know what my future will hold because even my best guesses are still guesses in the end. This is where I realized the power of thought upon the future. If I filled a glass to it's mid point and I asked you if it was half full or half empty you can answer either. Both are correct and both answers can be chosen. This example also applies to how you view your future, if you said bad things will happen chances are you're right. If you said good things will happen chances are you'll also be right.

If this is the case you mind as well have more faith in the good of your future. A healthy belief in the good of the future will allow you to make choices that open up other choices, while negatively will most likely prevent opportunity.

My finally I asked myself what I truly believe in. If I am a agent of fate and I do feel the wheel of life then I should embrace it. I choose to believe in fate and the good of the future. I let it guide my path and I will walk it till my days end, it will be a wondrous adventure of which I will likely never experience again; thus making it that much more beautiful.


and... I've had depersonalization disorder since I was 7.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

Look it up if you're interested, it explains why I never feel like I am me. That I look at myself in the 3rd person, along with a bunch of other things that aren't "normal".
 
I've wrestled with some of these same things, but it is worth noting that it can be related to a willingness to be analytical and self-aware. I think many people don't really know who they are and just identify with whatever they bump into in their life.

It is refreshing to me to encounter people willing to consider and analyze before they conclude to know absolutely. There is way too much certitude in this world.
 
Thx for your comment Julia.

I find it refreshing to be met with the varied responses I have so far. Actually to be involved in a discourse about this topic is refreshing - I agree too many take for granted without truly knowing themselves or perhaps even wanting to.

I wonder if Ni linked to a high Ti causes this constant self-reflection/ paralysis through analysis self doubt state of affairs?
 
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