INFJ Relationships

Do not date the ISFJ. We bring out the worst qualities in them. They need constant affirmation or they become depressed. They will form judgements about you, that they will keep to themselves, and eventually come to resent you. Once they have formed this opinion, there is no reversing it.

They will likely not communicate very well with you because they need someone to give them simple reassurances on a daily basis. They are insecure, and do not share their feelings. INFJ usually read other people's feelings and react accordingly. You will have a difficult time reading a ISFJ, and you will likely be unable to offer affirmation in a form that the ISFJ needs.

Bottom Line: They need someone simple, uncomplicated, and overly affirming
We are almost the complete opposite of what they need.

I would recommend a ESTP or possiblly a ESFP. Simple, exciting people that enjoy life on a day to day basis. Deep thinking and theories are confusing and make ISFJs nervous and create anxiety. N types in general are not the best idea, NJ types are probably the worst for them.

 

The ISFJ will leave you with about a million "what ifs", because they will never show you how they feel. They will tell you everything is one way, but your intuition will know they are not being truthful. You will then "what if" yourself to death.

The things we naturally need, a ISFJ will not give, and vice versa. They generally can care less for romantic overtures, and will be pissed you left a cup sitting on the table.

 

I think like anything else, it's possible if both parties are willing to work at it. So while the other person's personality may be mysterious and confusing to the INFJ, if the INFJ asks questions like "I'm thinking this, am I right?", that kind of stuff can go a long way.

I've dated Myer's Briggs that are supposed to be perfect matches (INFJ and ENFJ) and failed. I've dated some of the middle "maybe" class. I've dated some of the "don't even think about it" category. Bottom line, understand your personality and your ladies and be willing to acknowledge the subtle differences when they pop up day to day.

And yeah, "what ifs" suck. I think all INFJs have a million of 'em!

 

my boyfriend is an ISTP and we found it hard over the last 2 yrs to get along well... after a 3 month break up, we r back together... I still feel guarded as he lacks natural empathy yet he still loves me very much. This feels hurtful and lonely for me, but he knows he needs to work on empathy and he is trying. An an INFJ/P, my sensitivities are thru the roof (lucky us) lol, and I try daily to manage my emotions behind my quiet exterior. When I have had enough, I need to walk away, this bothers him because he has no idea what's wrong when to me, it's just SO obvious. This leaves me with a couple of impressions the first being that he is an idiot (no, just extremely unaware), and he is a jerk, (just extremely afraid of his own inability to empathize and becoming angry when making a mistake and becoming hard on himself)... so ya, even tho this silly dynamic was the case, I can see he is actually taking time to try and manage His own anxiety now this time round, unlike before. This brings me hope. Altho, for some reason, even from when I was a kid, I sensed I would always be alone, so if we don't actually ever work out, I know that he will suffer more than I will because he is unhappy within himself whereas I am fulfilled within my own inner life to be just fine.

 

That was a very nice post, thanks for writing it, it gave me a bit of hope and optism... I lived most of my life avoiding optimism because I can't stand to be disappointed. Anyways, I know that I need love as we all do.. I also know that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else before, so there is a lot at stake. Well... again, thanks for believing.

 

Sounds like me quite a bit.