Infj relationships | INFJ Forum

Infj relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by SkinandnoBones, Nov 20, 2021.

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  1. SkinandnoBones

    SkinandnoBones Regular Poster

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    I truly would love insight from you all who would feel comfortable providing a point of view...



    What's been your experience in attempting to build what I would call heart soul bonded connected type of relationship?

    Is there one honest openly communicative free spirited open minded ladies does this truly exist?
     
    #1 SkinandnoBones, Nov 20, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2021
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  2. Eye of the Storm

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    Things to consider: How hard are you working for the relationship to work? If you are working too hard on it and it is stressing you, you may not be a good fit for each other. Is either party trying to change the other from being who they naturally are? Not a good fit either. In the relationship I am in (with a ENFP), it just clicked from the start, we have always been comfortable with each other and our quirks. After 16 years, we've never had a fight. We do not agree on everything, but we respect each others opinion. We balance each other. Communication is a big key, as well as compromising. We put each other first. Treat each other as you would like to be treated. My other relationships before this were nothing like the one I have now. You will find the right one, it just takes time.
     
  3. April

    April Pring Pring

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    Yes, they do. But in my opinion its very rare. Even in our types! So if you find one, never let her go! ;)

    Be mindful though, that there are several factors here that need to be in play. Even these types have issues they have to work through. If you find one, make sure they are something you can tolerate and even help her with. Also on her part, your issues need be tolerable for her as well. She will love you unconditionally if this is the case usually. <3 Just a few thoughts but there's more. Hope you find someone <3
     
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  4. April

    April Pring Pring

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    This!!!
     
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  5. OP
    SkinandnoBones

    SkinandnoBones Regular Poster

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    So up front I was married for 22 years lost my wife could cancer 5 years ago...I add this only as a possibility of it being germaine to this discussion...

    I'm going to be brutally frank here...but I usually always am lol...
    I have found and it may be just who I've attracted who can be generally drawn to an Infj to begin with....I haven't found one person who in the end didn't make it about themselves becoming extremely self centered and selfish....it almost always never started out that way in that I had numerous ladies tell me I want to be with you i
    I love you I want to get married in some cases.
    Now having just said this the speculation could be well what did I do what us wrong with me etc
    I will say that I tell for those who I've been involved with up front this is who I am. I'm a different breed unlike most typical male you'd meet encounter find. I'm not into superficiality or shallowness. I'm into deep things of what this life has to offer. Whether this is poetry writing, novel reading, documentary watching, going doing things, living life etc.
    I've done a lot of work on myself to correct things i didn't like about myself. I've also did a lot of work into studying relationships so that I could have the best opportunity at a relationship that was mutually wonderful beautiful and exciting.
    In the end I found myself being used taken advantage of and then broken.
     
    #5 SkinandnoBones, Nov 25, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2021
  6. OP
    SkinandnoBones

    SkinandnoBones Regular Poster

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    Am I being to idealistic?
     
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  7. April

    April Pring Pring

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    That's kinda hard to say since I don't know the details of your thought patterns towards this and also the details of what you desire and will tolerate etc...

    But I will say that a lot of INFJs including me, can be idealistic to a fault. Just be mindful of that. Try to give yourself little reality checks and try to remember that nobody is perfect. But that doesn't mean you should tolerate so much as to break you. That's a problem I've had before, and giving excuses to them in the beginning is just a slippery slope. Trust me. If you see red flags, don't ignore them! :) Well this was very vague and unstructured advice but I hope you find it helpful hehe. Remember that this is just my opinion and how I see things. Take it with a grain of salt and just keep it in mind that you're YOU at the end of the day, you know what's best for you!
     
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  8. aeon

    aeon Amoureux des Chatons
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    That’s humanity, and not related to type. Only when both people are other-focused and direct all of their energy and love to their partner *AND* they are compatible in terms of understanding and appreciating each other’s expression of affection *AND* each person is meeting their own needs and having them met...only then can each engage without thinking about, or worrying about, themself.

    It took me over 30 years to find that. I never gave up hope, but yes, it requires two very special people, or at least two that are special to each other. And that’s aside from many other considerations like goals, values, beliefs, sexual compatibility, domestic life, and so on.

    I don’t know. Only you can know that for sure. But I will say this...I think it better to be realistic, pragmatic, and rational in your life, and allow your ideals to inform the choices you make. Let your ideals guide you, but don’t try to be the embodiment of those ideals. That’s only suitable for people who devote their entire life to a perennial wisdom tradition.

    It’s going to require directed effort and persistence on your part. Don’t think in terms of soulmates, or any other magical thinking. What do you need? What do you want? What can I offer a partner? You must know the answers to those questions, and be very clear about those answers.

    Only then can you try to find a suitable partner with hope of actually finding her.

    Enjoy the process, and never settle.

    Cheers,
    Ian
     
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