INFJ or ENFJ? | INFJ Forum

INFJ or ENFJ?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Not2bforgot10, Feb 9, 2009.

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  1. Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    I am wanting to try to figure out whether or not I'm an INFJ or ENFJ. I can't decide. On tests I score both... in fact, I even score INTJ on a couple. I don't believe myself to be an NT however.

    So... that leaves INFJ and ENFJ. Similarminds is usually where I test ENFJ; jungmetrics and personalitytypes I score INFJ, along with with others.

    Nevertheless, I thought there wouldn't be a better place than an INFJ board to figure out my type! I can talk with other INFJ's and see how I compare...

    Any ideas on how to go about this process?

    I wouldn't mind hearing some personal experiences. How do you feel ENFJ's and INFJ's are different? What are your stories?

    (You can check out my homepage by the way by viewing my profile). Thanks!
     
  2. Obstinate

    Obstinate Regular Poster

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    I've wondered the same thing too, whether I'm really an INFJ or an ENFJ with social anxiety. I think it all breaks down to this: You're with a group of friends that you really lkie. For a long time. Is there ever a point where you just need a break from it all, no matter how much fun you're having? Where you'd rather go off by yourself and just think.

    And does this usually happen when most everyone else just seems to be getting into the groove of things?
     
  3. OP
    Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    I guess there is a point, yes, when I need to be alone, but isn't that true of most extroverts and is not solely limited to introverts? ...especially ENFJ's? Like, when I'm with my friends and we're in an engaging, stimulating conversation, I can continue for quite some time, but yes, eventually I need to go off by myself and process. I can get overwhelmed easily because of my need to experience things intensely and go deep. I naturally enjoy social conversation though... More often than not; however, I avoid it because I'm too afraid I'll be shamed and/or I'm not "good enough." I have a hard time with the social stuff.
     
    #3 Not2bforgot10, Feb 9, 2009
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  4. Wyote

    Wyote Dad of the Ded
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    I's and E's both need breaks. Sure some can last longer, but that's more of a personal issue then a mbti trait.

    "I naturally enjoy social conversation though"

    As do a lot of introverts.

    I am no expert, but I believe the key for you personally is in figuring out whether you are externally action oriented or internally action oriented. Do you gain engery from doing things, or do you gain energy from contemplating about the things you are going to do.
     
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  5. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Actually, it's interesting because INFJs need to socialize more than most other introverted types, and ENFJs need solitary reflection more than most extroverted types.

    So this might help: how long could you go without people? After a rough week, would you rather be alone or hang with friends? How many people do have regular contact with?
    Most ENFJs I know are social butterflies, even if they don't realize it; they're really charismatic. INFJs often have a smaller circle of friends, although they might still be well-thought-of....
     
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  6. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    Well the difference between introvert and extravert is as follows. An extravert would have an do first think later attitude, they are more inclined to doing. An introvert would be the exact opposite the have a think then do attitude, they are more inclined to think about things then do things.

    If an extravert does not get enough time doing or an introvert does no get enough time withdrawing both tend to get depressed.

    Of course there is a lot of overlap.

    The other thing you can look at is the order of your preference. An INFJ has a dominant Ni function. Introverted intuition essentially means you are subconciously able to creat complex answers which are then reveled to them in an eureka moment. Someone with a domininant Ni would have these things all the time.

    An ENFJ has Fe as their dominant function, which is if I call correctly
    is the people pleasing function. It is the one that gives a person social graces laughing at the right time, it is the social skills function. A person with this function would know social rules and regs and know how to please people.

    Which one sounds more like you?

    :mhula:
     
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    #6 Lucifer, Feb 9, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2009
  7. OP
    Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    Definitely contemplating. You know, maybe I am a wanna-be extrovert. lol, honestly... I was raised with an ESFJ mother (ENFJ and ESFJ are both dominant Fe) and made to feel that being introverted wasn't okay... maybe I have been brain-washed!
     
  8. OP
    Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    In response to your ENFJ's needing more solitary time and INFJ's needing more social time-- Yes, that's what I always say to people! ...and it makes it that much harder to differentiate :(

    After a rough week, I would honestly prefer to spend time with one or two close friends, but then again, I am a one-on-one kind of person...

    I used to have contact with a lot of people... I had a lot of acquaintances but no real (deep) relationships... (I always desired it though). Now the tables have turned, and I desire the opposite. I honestly isolate a lot now... I spend my time going to school and to the gym 2 times a week and back home to spend time with my partner. My social life has drastically shifted since I've gotten older... maybe that's because everyone is working more and has more responsibilities? (Just a guess).

    Regardless, I am lonely and longing for more social interaction. I find it very hard to relate to others because of my innate need to relate on such intense levels and with my selective interests. I don't feel like the same person as I used to be ever since I moved away... (I've been through a lot of changes).

    Ever since I moved away and broke away from my family, I've been creating my own life for myself, which is VERY different than the ES (Extraverted, Sensing), materialistic, family I grew up in (I am the complete opposite in every sense of the word). I'm now able to pursue my spiritual interests and passions... but yeah. There has been a definite shift in my personality since the age of 16 (I'm now 24). I'm just wanting to feel normal; moreover, I'm trying to understand myself and possibly create an identity for myself.
     
  9. OP
    Not2bforgot10

    Not2bforgot10 Community Member

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    Hmm, interesting. Well, I definitely get depressed if I don't get enough alone time (after class I am DRAINED) but I also need a certain amount of interaction... or more or less, external stimulation. I need to get outdoors; I can't stay inside all day and/or in my head constantly. I need to be able to get outside and moreover, bounce my ideas (passions) off people.

    I have great intuition and always have... it comes and goes. It depends on how trusting (secure) I am.

    I am definitely a people-pleaser, but this was programed into me by my unhealthy, narcissistic/histrionic Fe-dominant ESFJ mother. I am an ACOA (Adult child of an alcoholic). I have a tendency to need external approval (I'm working on this and building inner confidence).

    Hope this helps?
     
  10. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    That sounds quite introverted to me, but I can't decide for you yadadada.

    Remember the mbti is all about averages, and preference, not how you act per ce.


    I think the question would be Which do function do you use more often, or do you feel more comfortable using?
    Here is a more detailed description of both.
    http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/extravertedfeeling.html

    http://www.cognitiveprocesses.com/introvertedintuiting.html

    Which do you feel you use more often? Do you think.

    Remember that does not correlate to how well you use one or another.
     
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    #10 Lucifer, Feb 9, 2009
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  11. Obstinate

    Obstinate Regular Poster

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    You get more extroverted as you get older naturally. But you don't "grow" into becoming an extrovert. You are who you naturally are.
     
  12. OP
    Not2bforgot10

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    I am not sure, because I had Extraverted Feeling THROWN in my face and shoved down my throat growing up, yet I introjected a lot of it... it's caused a lot of problems in my life; for instance, I often feel torn between my own wishes now and that of others... Because of my unhealthy Fe-dominant mother, I now feel selfish if I have my own wishes/needs/desires, etc. I tried *adopting* Fe growing up because this was the way things were "supposed" to be and unfortuntely this was the only way I could gain acceptance in my family (which btw was very important to me b/c I didn't feel worthy with out it). Nevertheless, when I was in this highly abusive relationship last year for instance, I become in touch with my buried Fi all over again b/c I turned to it to try to analyze and figure out what I had done wrong (If you know anything about abusive rel., you prob. know that the abuser makes the person feel wrong, when in fact, often times they're not).

    How else could we go about figuring this out?
     
  13. 1Lisan

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    INFJ or ENFJ

    I also have tested as INTJ, INFJ, and ENFJ, in that order. Based on my own experience over the years, and the years when I worked with undecided college students, I've come to believe that MBTI best reflects a person's current persona. By persona, I mean the personality that a person is willing and able to show the world, or the mode through which they're able to live and function at that time. Reflecting back, I see INTJ as having been my exoskeleton; my coat of armor for protecting my NFJ inner life. For those of us INFJ's and ENFJ's who grew up in unhealthy home environments, being a T could be much safer than being an F; likewise, Introverted feeling is safer than Extraversion. Well, it's all a journey.
     
  14. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    I grew up with an overly anxious mother who needed connection from me because she couldn't get it from my father. I remember being aware of this but I still resisted giving it to her because I just couldn't please her in the way that she needed. But yes even tho my parents weren't alcoholics, both were depressed in some way and unconciousely deflected their needs on to me. I think that because I was an introvert anyway, I withdrew from this act from them and shut them out further. This was the one thing I could offer u from my own experience as to how I have evolved in my own life, and yes, changes in one's life can be the turning points in shifts in one's personality.

    Perhaps taking some time away from yr search will be the way to find results and answers to yr questions. Often times for me, it's when I'm not looking for something either within me or something like my keys, is when I actually find what I'm looking for. All of a sudden, I have the answer and then I can choose to further investigate it or simply just apply it as 'done', until I need to re-evalutae further.

    I hope this helped.
     
  15. VH

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