INFJ males....

Not an INFJ fella so I can't answer but if you haven't checked this out already there may be some pointers.

 

I'm not sure if this is all infj guys but I ask them specific questions. Usually these questions are about their interests in subjects like psychology, philosphy, hobbies etc.

This is basically a probe to see how compatible I might be with the person before I persure further. I heard a few infjs write that they only go after someone when its a good bet theres something truly enjoyable and meaningful for them; and I will have to agree to that.

 

In my case party 2 would have to show some interest in me, before I her.

Doesn't make sense, but I really don't bother with anyone who doesn't seem interested. I guess I'm sortof like a turtle in that respect I won't come out of my shell unless I'm sure it's safe.

 

I too am always looking for a mutual show of interest, which can probably be unproductive. It's a path-of-least-resistance thing that sometimes gets me into trouble - i.e. the occasional stalker/emotional black hole type.

Once I learned how to identify NT women, things got easier in terms of showing interest. I think the NT female - NF male thing works well, especially for introverted types. I've never had trouble showing interest in NT females. I make contact with them simply by having conversation. However, it takes time (or a few drinks) for the conversation to become flirtatious - I think the same might be true for the NT female, because I've experienced the same awkwardness from them. The whole problem with communication might be from NF males and NT females being in the minority of their genders. The NT female knows she's probably not a girly-type, and the NF male knows he's probably not Mr. Masculinity - I mean, by cultural standards, which tend to be unfair. So, there may be some self-doubt on both sides. I don't know how other INFJ males do the whole courtship thing. For me, getting the crush can kill the whole thing, because I become so overwhelmed by it, I think it shows to everyone around me, when in fact, that might not be the case at all. So if I can get over the embarrassment of having a major crush and feel like I've got that whole thing under control, more or less, I might actually be able to ask someone out.

 

I'm a coward. I try not to show interest. Sometimes I won't even show interest even when the person I'm interested in is showing me interest.

However, the one sure way to know I'm interested is if I'm hanging around all the time and I'm really playful. I call this the "Fuzzy Bunny" mentality, in which I try to be really cute and hop around enough so that I will eventually get picked up without ever having to say a word. It is undoubtedly one of my weirdest traits and unsurprisingly, a big turn off for a lot of types.

 

I've noticed this trend in introverted guys, more often then not, you'll have to engage them(us), an ENFJ I know had to work extremly hard to bag her ISTP, by bag I mean finally get him to go out with her, they eventually even married.

 

Me too I usually won't show interest. But it depends when I was younger I chased after the girls. Glad I don't have to do that anymore lol.. I think the best way to know anyone is to just listen when they talk. I like women who can hold a conversation..

 

I do nice things for those who interest me, and generally become more sensitive to them, what they think, fell etcetera.
I am generally not interested in other people if I feel no kinship with them(does not mean I don't listen and want to understand what makes people tick, I do. I think I would be good as a psychiatrist ).

So if you ask me, a sign is a kinda unsocial guy(reserved)who "suddenly" tries to be feeling and understand the other persons perspective.
I don't really mean sucking up but when I see things I like I try commenting them to get the other to understand.
I usually have a REALLY hard time expressing my feelings if I don't know the person really well but can be imaginably open to someone who I feel is a good person(eg potential partner).
I do however have hard time showing affection directly, I just try to be extra nice kinda.

Edit: thank you for welcoming me

 

Welcome MrMartin.

 

Yes, which is incredibly agonizing and frustrating.

Bite the bullet and ask him out. I know that is easier said than done, but if it were me, I wouldn't turn down a friend until I saw how things turned out. INFJs are not going to directly show interest, especially to friends.

 

Not necessarily true. I had to make a move on one of my best friends last year. I wound up dating her, but it turned out pretty bad. She's an ESTP, if anyone is curious. Luckily I came to my senses, and we're still close friends to this day.

I would say I "directly showed interest" in a girl today by giving her my number. Backwards I know, but special circumstances and all...

To elaborate, I would say that I'm just tired of waiting on girls to make a move. When they do, it's the girls that I don't necessarily care for (in that way). If you don't ask, you may never know.

 

It's a good situation because in American society, women are generally thought of as nurturers, whereas an NT female might not necessarily show a strong nurturing instinct. This is a perfect situation for an INFJ male. He gets to be male, but is appreciated for his emotional supportiveness - even tenderness, and so there is a bit of gender role-reversal that pleases both.

Wanna find out if he's interested? That's easy. Tell him about some emotional conflict or debate you might have going on inside yourself (is there any such thing as an INT without emotional conflict?), then watch how he responds.

 

Hey you INFJ males, I'm unable to answer this as I am an INFJ female. But I have a question for you too.

Regarding getting an INFJ guy to notice a gal:

Do you... like me... look for a person with the same goals and ideals as yourself? See INFJs are so driven by our ideals, that at least for me I'm attracted to a guy who's living those ideals, or similar ideals.

Is that true for you guys too?
Thanks!

 

I have a list of what attracts me to a person.

1. Personality
2. Intelligence
3. Looks
4. Shared goals and values
5. Ambition

 

Yes I do. I wish I didn't as to broadan potentials, but alas...

 

Nah, you don't really.

I know for myself that I could never be happy with someone that wasn't walking down the same path -- the same reason for existence -- that I have.

 

Enlighten my young soul. Tell me more. This is very relevant to my interest.