INFJ Defenses

I've been avoident for a while, half truths, avoidance, and sometimes outright disappearing.

I don't know if it's something to be overcome, it's a reaction it's something that happens as a response to outside stimulus, what's the alternative reaction?

 

Suicide!!!! have tried it don't recommend it. Defenses I keep ripping my pants on De-fences I cry and pout for a little while than pick myself up dust myself off the keep on the journey. but those damn fences!

 

May I ask what the INFJ is defending himself/herself against? That would seem to affect the answer.

 

I can relate, big time.

As to why, (I'm just going to imagine an intense verbal confrontation as the situation) I suspect it's because I've become unwilling over time to give into the impulse of what immediately comes to mind to say in my defense, because ultimately I'm not willing to risk living with the memory of saying terrible things that someone may remember forever, or be forced to forever reflect on the terrible things I chose to say.

So I close my mouth and walk away (this drives my husband NUTS) until I and my brain-mouth filters have found a way to couch my defense in a more rational, less angry way. When I come back (hours or days later) and try to resume the conversation, I'm accused of "harping" on it, which often starts the cycle all over.

I recognize that mute withdrawal is certainly an impractical defense, but the alternative scares me.

 

Then, by that explanation, it sort-of sounds like INFJs are weak-willed and self-avoidant; and pushing this to slightly more extremes, self-preventive in things which would lead to any kind of deep introspection. Should I be viewing this in a different sense?

 

I don't really do that so much. Actually, my sister and I drive our parents nuts because we argue until everything is solved. However, there are several times during arguments where I will just stay silent, until it becomes civil again; I intensely dislike shouting matches. There is no point in trying to argue when the participants hardly realize what they're saying...

But yeah. I really hate it when people just expect things to be dropped; it's like they don't care to listen to what I have to say about it. My roommate does that when we're just talking about issues that she doesn't like, even if she's not even in the conversation; she will totally shut it down. And it drives me CRAZY.

 

Ahhh no. I don't see it that way. I'm by no means weak-willed or self-avoidant. It takes a tremendous amount of will to decide not to hurt somebody who may be pushing you into an aggressive response. And it isn't self-avoidant to acknowledge the initial thought or response may not be the best or most appropriate thought or response.

So, considering my typical defense of mute withdrawal as a conscious choice, and bearing in mind that I generally return to the conflict after thinking about it and choosing what I consider a better way to handle the situation...

• Not weak-willed but rather strong-willed (since it took strength to control my immediate impulse).
• Not self-avoidant but rather self-assessment (since it took an examination of my options during a heated moment).
• Not self-preventive but rather self-allowance (since I gave myself choices rather than restricting myself to the potential harm my initial reaction might have caused).

 

yeah, that's such a good technique. There's nothing worse than saying ugly things in the heat of the moment.

 

OK, thank-you for the clarification.

 

I just walk away from a heated argument... I just don't have the energy to fight back. It is not I am weak, just choose not to. I will fight in a debate though.

 

probably the same reason we are better at communicating through writing, brain mouth filter, get your thoughts in order before speaking....thing.

 

Hahaha ohh yes... "Why are you not saying anything!? ANSWER ME!?"

I tested myself as INTJ in the begining but something didn't seem right. I read about some other types and stumbled across this. This was the reason i started to read about INFJ and made me realize i prefer F before T..

Even though I use logic... logic based on feelings :mD:

This happens alot of time around my parents when we are in a argument. Or when people don't listen to what I say and I can't walk away (which is the first thing i try to do)

This mute button thing happens all the time when my parents discuss things with me and don't listen to me or are to stuborn to see it from my point of view. Or when they criticize me w/o good reasons.

:mwtf:

I rather not say anything, than something they wont listen to, or use against you later.

 

I can definitely relate to that. When I am upset or someone has upset me in any way (especially this), I completely withdraw. Sometimes to the point where I will "ignore" the person who has upset me even when they are in the same room as me.

 

Usually I withdraw as well.

However, recently I tried to see what would happen if I were to actually get angry. I was so frustrated with my mum that I stayed and argued rather than becoming silent, giving in and walking away.

I think I'm going to stick with the whole being-quiet thing.... :mD:

 

Hrmm...

I can't relate. I withdraw, but I don't think it's "mutely." Perhaps it was the way I was raised. I have (maybe had?) PTSD due to my lovely father and other happy events in my life. So, whenever I felt I was threatened, I went into two modes of defense: flight or fight. Literally.

More often than not I chose the "fight" response. I would either say something mean, or sometimes go into physical acts of violence to fend whatever threat it was away from me. This was encouraged by my household, and so this response it most familiar. I still have a temper problem, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.

My flight response was a lot like my "fight" response except instead of being confrontational and sticking it out, I say something hurtful or sabotage the relationship in order to run away. A "withdrawal" for sure, but not exactly "mute." More like a hit-and-run. I don't do this anymore but I've done it in the past when I felt like someone was getting too close to me.

Anyways, even with people that I don't like I don't just stop talking to them without any warning. They usually know I'm not going to talk to them anymore because I'll verbally tell them so. When I get into an argument I don't stonewall with it. I face them head on.

But then, I'm a different sort of INFJ.

 

Exactly! Hilarious, btw. I sort of feel like the Hulk's, "You won't like me when I'm angry!" It's better to let me walk away from you when I'm turning green

 

I hide. I kinda try to avoid people I guess for a little while.