The Silent Treatment.
My (very infj) partner consistently uses this as a way of dealing with anger (towards me). Every time I try to explain why this is so hurtful to our relationship he blows up and gets even more angry...extending the silent treatment...(and mostly refusing to elaborate why he is angry because I "should just know").
Almost always he does it as a sort of “game”. He won’t admit to doing anything, until I capitulate enough and apologize (and 70% of the time I don't even know what I am apologizing for!!) and he says “Well I am happy you have noticed that I am acting differently …”..it is infuriating…I am 25 and he is 30..
This time it's been about a month of silent treatment/passive aggressiveness/coldness/"I need time.to cool off" because he feels I am selfish(?)..but again refuses to tell me why and talk to me about it so I can work.on whatever it is that has him so angry. I threatened to break up with him if he kept acting this way previously which just extended my "punishment..." He says that I "make him angry a lot" and that he loves me "except when i make him angry" which seems to be pretty frequently.
In general I notice he seems to have issues with anger (for a while I couldn't go to restaurants with him because he would get EXTREMELY angry at waiters and waitresses for no reason, it was so embarrassing..) Whenever we argue, he makes me feel like nothing I say matters. His way or the highway and he never apologizes to me ever. I'm always the one who has to make amends.
Mostly posting here to vent but any thoughts? I thought I loved him but I really can't take this anymore. I don't feel like I deserve this type of treatment although obvs. he thinks otherwise. It is really torturous and hurtful, and makes me feel like I am being controlled. Maybe I am so annoying and terrible? I would never treat him like this. it makes me feel like I should break up.
He sees nothing wrong with this behavior and tells me that by me telling him not to do it, I am "not allowing him to be angry", and that "If he wanted space for one whole month I should be prepared to give it to him"...so..
My (very infj) partner consistently uses this as a way of dealing with anger (towards me). Every time I try to explain why this is so hurtful to our relationship he blows up and gets even more angry...extending the silent treatment...(and mostly refusing to elaborate why he is angry because I "should just know").
Almost always he does it as a sort of “game”. He won’t admit to doing anything, until I capitulate enough and apologize (and 70% of the time I don't even know what I am apologizing for!!) and he says “Well I am happy you have noticed that I am acting differently …”..it is infuriating…I am 25 and he is 30..
This time it's been about a month of silent treatment/passive aggressiveness/coldness/"I need time.to cool off" because he feels I am selfish(?)..but again refuses to tell me why and talk to me about it so I can work.on whatever it is that has him so angry. I threatened to break up with him if he kept acting this way previously which just extended my "punishment..." He says that I "make him angry a lot" and that he loves me "except when i make him angry" which seems to be pretty frequently.
In general I notice he seems to have issues with anger (for a while I couldn't go to restaurants with him because he would get EXTREMELY angry at waiters and waitresses for no reason, it was so embarrassing..) Whenever we argue, he makes me feel like nothing I say matters. His way or the highway and he never apologizes to me ever. I'm always the one who has to make amends.
Mostly posting here to vent but any thoughts? I thought I loved him but I really can't take this anymore. I don't feel like I deserve this type of treatment although obvs. he thinks otherwise. It is really torturous and hurtful, and makes me feel like I am being controlled. Maybe I am so annoying and terrible? I would never treat him like this. it makes me feel like I should break up.
He sees nothing wrong with this behavior and tells me that by me telling him not to do it, I am "not allowing him to be angry", and that "If he wanted space for one whole month I should be prepared to give it to him"...so..