In love with a INTP

[pato]

Hi, guys! First of all, sorry for my terrible english.

Ok, let's go with the telenovela.

I meet this INTP guy on a dating app.

We live in different cities (not too far away)
He and I started talking; he calls me on the phone almost every day, sometimes we talk only a few minutes, other times we talk more than 1 hour. This was our dynamic for the last two and a half months. Finally we met (on my city). It was spontaneous, cute and sweet. He hugged me a lot, we kissed and we make out. I was afraid that he would lose interest in me after that day but things got even better; he started calling me more and he told me about some of his insecurities that he had not told me before. Sometimes he talks about a future together, but IDK if he's just joking or not, things like.. "when we sleep together" or "I am going to take you that place". Last weekend (two weeks after the day we meet) I tried to see him again; I asked him out, he said yes. We only agreed on the day, I didn't tell him what the plan was.

I travel to his city, booked a room for two in a hotel, send him a text... then he apologized, said had a lot of work and wasn't going to be able to see me (I mean, not even an hour). I stay calm (tell him: It's okay, don't worry.. don't feel bad, I get it...), even though I feel terrible.

He lives with his ex. He didn't tell about this; I know (long time ago) because I should work on the FBI... okay I text with the ex from a instagram fake account I have.

I have many doubts and I don't know what to think. I feel anxious. I want to be his boyfriend so bad.

 

[Pin]

Things aren't looking good so far, honestly.

The problems you're having don't have to be had and I sincerely recommend that you find someone new.

Someone.
Not.
Living.
With.
Their
Ex.

Come on, what is that?

 

[BritNi]

I agree with @Pin .
Sounds like he is looking for some side action. Until he introduces you to his "roommate" / "ex," I would guard your heart.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Power through

 

[slant]

you gotta recognize power games when you see them

if somebody stands you up you have to make a big deal out of it

standing someone up shows you dont respect their time

he doesnt respect you, so either you make him or you gotta ditch that hoe

 

[Gaze]

Yep, he's not worth the effort. Sorry. You deserve someone who doesn't give you half and half. And sorry to sound traditional, but please don't have sex with someone just because you have a connection and they seem nice. Let them really put the effort into dating you first, be available, and show some stability before you open that door if you're really looking for something longterm and meaningful.

 

[acd]

I have a female friend who refused to date a guy after he was 15 minutes late to pick her up for a date. I was astonished and thought it a bit extreme but she said it showed disrespect to be late especially for a first date and she was moving on. She sent him home. Power move lol.
No second chances regardless of excuses. I'm the type who gives second chances but it was revolutionary to hear her say it so nonchalantly. She wasn't going to waste her time on someone who couldn't be on time to see her. Why put the effort in if the other party can't reciprocate?

And you went and devoted a whole weekend to him, traveled to his city, spent your money on a room and he's too busy to bother? Plus he lives with his ex? That is the first red flag.
Move on.

 

[kfg(atj]

When I saw "In love with INTP" my first reaction before even reading was "Ew. Why?" - there are better personality matches for you.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

When I saw "In love with INTP" my first reaction before even reading was "Ew. Why?" - there are better personality matches for you.

That’s a little harsh and not really accurate

I’m starting to get a little perturbed by general INFJ consensus that there is a certain type for them based on their type

Like ENFP, INFP, ENTP, ESTP or INTJ

It really doesn’t matter

I’ve dated tons of INFJs and am dating an ENFP now. I’ve learned a lot about things just being around ENFPs.

Feels like the draw to the ENFP is they would feel emotionally open, authentic and get them to talk. INFJs seem to think this connection is magical between them and ENFPs except...

ENFPs do that with EVERY SINGLE TYPE

AKA YOURE NOT SPECIAL

I, an INTP can talk nonstop with ENFPs all day long about any and everything including emotions. It doesn’t make you their type

I mean I’m borderline ENTP but still

It’s almost like the sole fact that someone will talk to an INFJ and validate their feelings and cater to their extreme sensitivity is their “type”

I’ve dated ENFP, INFJ, INTJ, INFP and ISFJ. And I just don’t see your point

Do I think some types are more likely no-go’s, sure, but I wouldn’t even rule out an ESxx

Every type has their advantages and disadvantages, and believe it or not, as people mature it all starts to blend together. We all have preferences, and I don’t believe in an ideal type

How about the “person” that treats you with respect and genuinely wants to be with you and can communicate with. Any type could figure that out

 

[ClevelandINTP]

INFJs play these power games, too, in my experience

If you really like this person, they were probably afraid of how you would react given their situation, and maybe didn’t realize things would develop as much as they did

Your call if you want to give them a pass or not

 

[kfg(atj]

That’s a little harsh and not really accurate

I’m starting to get a little perturbed by general INFJ consensus that there is a certain type for them based on their type

Like ENFP, INFP, ENTP, ESTP or INTJ

It really doesn’t matter

I’ve dated tons of INFJs and am dating an ENFP now. I’ve learned a lot about things just being around ENFPs.

Feels like the draw to the ENFP is they would feel emotionally open, authentic and get them to talk. INFJs seem to think this connection is magical between them and ENFPs except...

ENFPs do that with EVERY SINGLE TYPE

AKA YOURE NOT SPECIAL

I, an INTP can talk nonstop with ENFPs all day long about any and everything including emotions. It doesn’t make you their type

I mean I’m borderline ENTP but still

It’s almost like the sole fact that someone will talk to an INFJ and validate their feelings and cater to their extreme sensitivity is their “type”

I’ve dated ENFP, INFJ, INTJ, INFP and ISFJ. And I just don’t see your point

Do I think some types are more likely no-go’s, sure, but I wouldn’t even rule out an ESxx

Every type has their advantages and disadvantages, and believe it or not, as people mature it all starts to blend together. We all have preferences, and I don’t believe in an ideal type

How about the “person” that treats you with respect and genuinely wants to be with you and can communicate with. Any type could figure that out

LOL - I don't even have to respond. You just made my point.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

So INFJ of you

 

[slant]

When I saw "In love with INTP" my first reaction before even reading was "Ew. Why?" - there are better personality matches for you.

my initial reaction was

"that fucking sucks dude"

lol.

not because there is anything wrong with INTPs. actually the opposite, they suck me in with their intelligence and ideas but then can't stick to a vision P and J struggle is real bro

 

[mintoots]

you gotta recognize power games when you see them

if somebody stands you up you have to make a big deal out of it

standing someone up shows you dont respect their time

he doesnt respect you, so either you make him or you gotta ditch that hoe

ditto. honestly, it's never a good idea to be with someone who doesn't have enough self-respect to not live with his ex despite being already exes. If it had been a serious relationship between two people, there's no way it would be immediately amicable. Think of the emotions involved. Being able to still live together means there was a lack of emotions (a red flag) or there are still lingering feelings. If it had been a relationship that happened in their tweens, have been with other people and are now honestly just random buddies, maybe it's considerable---but why the ex? Seriously. No other friends? Why? Let's say their situation is circumstantial and that there are legal bounds to it, a good person with respect for both self and ex (and is financially independent) would try to make other arrangements. This could be a sign of financial issues, which is also a red flag. This is a very INFJ thing to say to try and investigate the details but honestly, there doesn't seem to be any good ending to it. So comparatively, it would be a very INTP thing to want to keep options open, but stick with what you know in your gut will protect your self esteem. Never enter into something that would only leave yourself or another broken without any positive learnings.


Granted that INTPs like the unusual navigation of norms, it's still dangerous. I can assure you, there is probably more game in this in his head than long term stability. Try to slow it down and see where it goes but in slowing it down, PUT YOUR GUARDS UP. Protect yourself.

But then again, maybe that's why I'm eternally single. Hahaha. take my advice with a grain of salt, too.

Yep, he's not worth the effort. Sorry. You deserve someone who doesn't give you half and half. And sorry to sound traditional, but please don't have sex with someone just because you have a connection and they seem nice. Let them really put the effort into dating you first, be available, and show some stability before you open that door if you're really looking for something longterm and meaningful.

Exactly. What is up with that? And what is up with people saying they've found the connection of their lives after only even just chatting with them, not ever seeing them eat, not ever knowing more about their pasts? It doesn't sound sustainable! I've met people online before and have developed sound connections and sometimes, you want to fly over to meet them... but to fly over to meet them with the intent to immediately get intimate? Uhm. Why? Is true love really that foolish?

When I saw "In love with INTP" my first reaction before even reading was "Ew. Why?" - there are better personality matches for you.

Hahahaha quoting this because this made me laugh. Not that I think love is about personality whatnots. INTPs are still interesting to me, but always take interactions with them with a grain of salt. HEHEHEHEHEH.

 

[slant]

God damnit.


I've fallen into one of their traps.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

God damnit.


I've fallen into one of their traps.

Go on...

 

[slant]

Go on...

An INTPs got me by the love balls. He just learned how to use a can opener properly and it's great

 

[Deleted member 16771]

An INTPs got me by the love balls. He just learned how to use a can opener properly and it's great

 

[April]

When I saw "In love with INTP" my first reaction before even reading was "Ew. Why?" - there are better personality matches for you.

Ugh. So glad this person is banned. I love INTPs. Why would they say that? Like all INTPs are the same and they are all horrible? Ugh. Rubbed me the wrong way...

 

[April]

That’s a little harsh and not really accurate

I’m starting to get a little perturbed by general INFJ consensus that there is a certain type for them based on their type

Like ENFP, INFP, ENTP, ESTP or INTJ

It really doesn’t matter

I’ve dated tons of INFJs and am dating an ENFP now. I’ve learned a lot about things just being around ENFPs.

Feels like the draw to the ENFP is they would feel emotionally open, authentic and get them to talk. INFJs seem to think this connection is magical between them and ENFPs except...

ENFPs do that with EVERY SINGLE TYPE

AKA YOURE NOT SPECIAL

I, an INTP can talk nonstop with ENFPs all day long about any and everything including emotions. It doesn’t make you their type

I mean I’m borderline ENTP but still

It’s almost like the sole fact that someone will talk to an INFJ and validate their feelings and cater to their extreme sensitivity is their “type”

I’ve dated ENFP, INFJ, INTJ, INFP and ISFJ. And I just don’t see your point

Do I think some types are more likely no-go’s, sure, but I wouldn’t even rule out an ESxx

Every type has their advantages and disadvantages, and believe it or not, as people mature it all starts to blend together. We all have preferences, and I don’t believe in an ideal type

How about the “person” that treats you with respect and genuinely wants to be with you and can communicate with. Any type could figure that out

Agreed!