"If he really liked you..."

[INFJok]

Ok so today I got into a discussion with my uncle. We were laughing about how I told him a story about how this punk-skater kid had come from this douche-y clique of skaters, but he had a crush on me and how I said he was a punk ass for not manning up to talk to me.
Later, I was stating another scenario in which I was interested in this one guy and I would do little stuff like sit by him, stand by him. Then I said he never noticed me.
Why did I tell my uncle this? Then I mentioned how he always was listening to his iPod. "Naw naww. He wasn't interested. Lemme tell you somethin'...If a guy is 'interested', it doesnt' matter WHAT HE'S DOIN', HE'LL BREAK FROM THAT AND TRY TO TALK TO YOU."
Now in these real-life scenarios I figured these guy were 'shy'. In that case I'd understand because the skater guy would gaze at me and when I turned around he would look off. But to hear by your uncle that "you're not interesting" enough when you're an INFJ, AND YOU'RE A LONER, kinda makes ya wanna throw socializing in the garbage.

But I wanna hear opinions.
IF A GUY REALLY LIKED YOU, WOULD HE STOP WHAT HE'S DOING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?

 

[floatingbridge]

IF A GUY REALLY LIKED YOU, WOULD HE STOP WHAT HE'S DOING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?

I always hear that, but I'm not a guy

 

[Solongo]

Ok so today I got into a discussion with my uncle. We were laughing about how I told him a story about how this punk-skater kid had come from this douche-y clique of skaters, but he had a crush on me and how I said he was a punk ass for not manning up to talk to me.
Later, I was stating another scenario in which I was interested in this one guy and I would do little stuff like sit by him, stand by him. Then I said he never noticed me.
Why did I tell my uncle this? Then I mentioned how he always was listening to his iPod. "Naw naww. He wasn't interested. Lemme tell you somethin'...If a guy is 'interested', it doesnt' matter WHAT HE'S DOIN', HE'LL BREAK FROM THAT AND TRY TO TALK TO YOU."
Now in these real-life scenarios I figured these guy were 'shy'. In that case I'd understand because the skater guy would gaze at me and when I turned around he would look off. But to hear by your uncle that "you're not interesting" enough when you're an INFJ, AND YOU'RE A LONER, kinda makes ya wanna throw socializing in the garbage.

But I wanna hear opinions.
IF A GUY REALLY LIKED YOU, WOULD HE STOP WHAT HE'S DOING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?

I agree with your uncle 100%. I also learned this lesson in similar ways. I got rejected the most by guys I liked and pursued. Even if I did end up going out with them; the relationship was usually horrible and one sided and left me wanting more and being dissatisfied. As an INFJ female I would like to tell you that I need full cooperation and participation in a relationship. I just couldn't handle the half assed behaviors and lack of involvement from their part and the whole situation also made me blame myself for getting myself into that situation when clearly there was warning signs from the start. However; there is a certain dangerous pull to being in these situations; perhaps to learn to pick our partners carefully as INFJs tend to mate on intense levels and if that intensity and depth is missing; you have one unhappy but guilty INFJ. So just like that movie, "He's Just Not that into You" - when a guy ignores you then he really is ignoring you. If he tells you he is broke, crazy, released from jail or whatever else situations that INFJs like to draw into their lives (because we want to save everyone!) - learn to take these matters at face value and keep it moving. However, I must say that experience is the best teacher.

 

[sprinkles]

In an entirely literal sense, I don't find that to be an incontrovertible fact and I don't think it is necessarily true all of the time.

In a bullshit generalized sense I suppose your uncle believes it is 'true enough' in that if some guy doesn't have the esteem to approach, he isn't worth it anyway, so it's just easier to hand wave it away with "they aren't interested" rather than getting into something complicated?

I really don't know. People are like that some times - giving false answers and assumptions for the sake of simplicity. I find it kind of shitty myself but others don't seem to.

 

[Vanixaria]

But I wanna hear opinions.
IF A GUY REALLY LIKED YOU, WOULD HE STOP WHAT HE'S DOING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?

Most of my friends have always been guys, so I've gotten to see first hand how most of them act towards women they are interested in pursuing. I usually got the man I wanted, but never kept for long for whatever reason. All of them were intrigued by me but when my moodiness or heavy emotional tendencies reared their ugly muzzles the guys would bolt. I have only had one guy in my life that ever dropped everything for me, and I married him. Every other relationship I had ever been in, I can honestly say I was most likely the "flavor of the month" to them. Even my first attempt at marriage failed as I was second pickings for him and neither he nor I lived up to the other's expectations. My current husband dropped his home town, his family, and even the care of his disabled brother to come 1800 miles to be with me. He wasn't doing anything against duty, his family did well regardless, but he chose to leave the world he new to pursue a chick three states away. Now that is interest.

 

[barbad0s]

Especially if you are a teenager - especially NOWADAYS with everyone losing their social balls via the rise of indirect communication aided by technology, there are lots of these "shy guys" who won't want to make an effort to talk to a girl even if he likes her. And the chances that this could be the case increases exponentially if you know that the guy is a shy and introverted person in general. He could have been too scared to stop listening to his music and talk to you because he was feverishly trying to stave off a boner just from you being nearby. I know that even I, as a not-unattractive female who doesn't have to worry about boners, get scared to talk or worry about saying something dumb around a guy I have a crush on. And I know plenty of attractive female and male friends who are the same way.

Everyone is going to have varying experiences, but I can attest to the existence of at least some of these people with my own dating history. I don't believe in believing in anyone else's opinions or in basing truth off of any handful of experiences of the people you know unless you have experimented within your own life and can verify it hahahahaha. Well, of course take this with a grain of salt too, but in my experience, the people who offer the most unsolicited advice and "black and white" comments like that (that = your uncle) are the most full of shit. Another important thing to consider before taking someone's opinions into consideration is the person's status in life.

But in my opinion my comment in this thread seems to be the most valid so far since I'm the closest to your age compared to everyone else by far. Noah fence to others. I'm also a well-traveled extrovert in a highly populated city. cough wink nudge

 

[Gaze]

if they're not putting that much effort into getting to know you and giving you their undivided attention, then they're not seriously interested. If they appear somewhat interested, it may simply be curiosity, a kind of "what if". there are some guys who don't want to make the first move fearing that the girl is not interested. so they play it off casually, and don't put too much in pursuit until they feel they have a handle on whether or not she wants to go there.

 

[sprinkles]

Yeah I guess all the "How do I talk to her?" and "I wish I said something when I had the chance!" stories that are all over the place are just lies aren't they.

 

[Rift Zone]

there are lots of these "shy guys" who won't want to make an effort to talk to a girl even if he likes her. And the chances that this could be the case increases exponentially if you know that the guy is a shy and introverted person in general.

Yep. I'm not shy but I am introvert. I don't always make an effort to express interest, or talk to them at all. There's not any rhyme or reason to it, it just is.

Say hi! -because if a guy does like you, even an introvert, and you say hi or something... He will drop everything to talk to you! Specially effective for younger guys who might be looking for the "right" opportunity.

 

[Faye]

Well, if he is more confident he will definitely talk to you, but if not then he might just like you in secret. This is especially true for younger guys. In high school, I couldn't bring myself to talk to a girl I liked even if I wanted to.

Better question is- do you like him? Then go talk to him and get to know him. This is the 21st century, and it is socially acceptable for women to make the first move. Otherwise you might miss some opportunities.

Edit: Also, believe it or not, personality is a huge part of attraction. Guys will like you more if they get to know you (and same for women). People might not feel justified acting on physicality alone. You know what I mean? I certainly didn't.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I agree wit Rift. As a non-shy though introverted guy, it takes me a long while to know a woman well enough to determine if I am interested in them. Sorry to be blunt but I dont mean from a physical stand point. Physical attraction is easy and I wont bother a woman most of the time if thats what I am feeling toward her alone. It takes time for me to get to know a woman before I will become interested in HER. If however I do find I like her for more than physical reasons alone and I had some reason to believe she may like me as well or at least, is not repulsed by me, than yeah Ill try to find ways to spend time with her etc.

As you can imagine this originally led to not many relationships. So I figured I was doing something wrong a long long while ago and that I did not want to be alone for the rest of my life. I decided that maybe physical attraction would eventually lead to love and started being more open in this regard. Well...I now believe I am just too different and possibly incapable of love for any type of a meaningful relationship. Maybe some physiological baggage there who knows.

Anyway, if you like the guy let him know it by trying to find ways to spend time with HIM. Just be around and either he will pick up on it or not. DO NOT throw yourself at his feet. To many woman have done that to me and the first thing I think right or wrong is, ok whats wrong with her?

For your question, does he like coffee and have a favorite coffee place? Ask when hes going next and try to meet up with him to hang out in a casual sense, not a DATE. Youll find out pretty quickly if he has any interest.

My two cents because I know they were asked for.

 

[Rift Zone]

[MENTION=8603]Eventhorizon[/MENTION] makes a very good point! Physical attraction only goes so far. To be blunt about it, a nice ass and a pretty face might get my attention, but it only keeps it long enough to find out if she actually has any true substance. I imagine most INTJs and INFJs are like that. We seem to want to know there's a potentially deep connection beyond physicality. I know for me, that seriously messes with my ability to casually flirt. If I like what I see, I'm not going to flirt with you, sadly, I'm going to interrogate you. That is to say I'm going to explore facets of your being early on. If I like what I see there, I'll develop true interest and start flirting. I don't suppose that approach is taken by all but it is true for some.

So, if you find that introvert type, I'd say look out for this: saying hi might get you into a conversation no matter what. You might not get flirtation even if he does have interest. If I have interest, I'll be more focused on you. If the conversation never leans toward the personal side then it might just be a conversation. If it does lean toward a more personal nature, you're probably being vetted.

 

[bamf]

I'm sure I missed countless relationship opportunities because I was too shy or nervous to say anything. Honestly, if you're interested, go talk to him. It will be a million times easier to tell if he's interested when you talk with him rather than just speculate from the sidelines.

 

[djpyro21]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. -Rollo Tomassi

If a guy likes you he will open the gate of a relationship and if a girl like you she will open the gate of sex.

If you are a guy and not offering tempting morsels of relationship experiences you are not courting right.

If you are a girl and not offering tempting morsels of sexuality you are not courting right.


With that being said women have the power, as a women you must communicate interest first and then hope the guy bites. If he doesn't bite open the gate of sex, although in slight increments. Get his imagination flowing with your sex appeal. If you don't know how to seduce and you are a women you are shit out of luck.

The other side of the coin, as a guy. As a guy you have zero chance with a girl that hasn't expressed interest (given you permission to approach and court), but once she does its smooth sailing unless you muck it up. If you like a girl forget about it, never show attention overtly, display your value when near her and pray that your value as a mate is high enough to have her bite.


To briefly illustrate why women have the power in courting; two situations.

A guy walks up to a girl offers a relationship, gets friendzoned
A girl walks up to a guy and offers sex, gets sex

Unless a girl has interest, as a guy never open the gate of relationship.
As a girl if you have interest in a guy show it and if he doesn't respond show it better. Once you have his attention and hopefully before the one night stand you are set to start dating.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. -Rollo Tomassi

If a guy likes you he will open the gate of a relationship and if a girl like you she will open the gate of sex.

If you are a guy and not offering tempting morsels of relationship experiences you are not courting right.

If you are a girl and not offering tempting morsels of sexuality you are not courting right.


With that being said women have the power, as a women you must communicate interest first and then hope the guy bites. If he doesn't bite open the gate of sex, although in slight increments. Get his imagination flowing with your sex appeal. If you don't know how to seduce and you are a women you are shit out of luck.

The other side of the coin, as a guy. As a guy you have zero chance with a girl that hasn't expressed interest (given you permission to approach and court), but once she does its smooth sailing unless you muck it up. If you like a girl forget about it, never show attention overtly, display your value when near her and pray that your value as a mate is high enough to have her bite.


To briefly illustrate why women have the power in courting; two situations.

A guy walks up to a girl offers a relationship, gets friendzoned
A girl walks up to a guy and offers sex, gets sex

Unless a girl has interest, as a guy never open the gate of relationship.
As a girl if you have interest in a guy show it and if he doesn't respond show it better. Once you have his attention and hopefully before the one night stand you are set to start dating.

This post is retarded.

 

[barbad0s]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. -Rollo Tomassi

If a guy likes you he will open the gate of a relationship and if a girl like you she will open the gate of sex.

If you are a guy and not offering tempting morsels of relationship experiences you are not courting right.

If you are a girl and not offering tempting morsels of sexuality you are not courting right.


With that being said women have the power, as a women you must communicate interest first and then hope the guy bites. If he doesn't bite open the gate of sex, although in slight increments. Get his imagination flowing with your sex appeal. If you don't know how to seduce and you are a women you are shit out of luck.

The other side of the coin, as a guy. As a guy you have zero chance with a girl that hasn't expressed interest (given you permission to approach and court), but once she does its smooth sailing unless you muck it up. If you like a girl forget about it, never show attention overtly, display your value when near her and pray that your value as a mate is high enough to have her bite.


To briefly illustrate why women have the power in courting; two situations.

A guy walks up to a girl offers a relationship, gets friendzoned
A girl walks up to a guy and offers sex, gets sex

Unless a girl has interest, as a guy never open the gate of relationship.
As a girl if you have interest in a guy show it and if he doesn't respond show it better. Once you have his attention and hopefully before the one night stand you are set to start dating.

Lmao okay, love doctor. Go ahead and quote a pickup artist (http://therationalmale.com/) who just exploits fellow bros for cash. I sure hope you do not need sleazy online "gurus" or oversimplified all-or-nothing guidelines in order to feel rational. I also hope to God you weren't planning on finding a relationship on this forum.

 

[djpyro21]

Lmao okay, love doctor. Go ahead and quote a pickup artist (http://therationalmale.com/) who just exploits fellow bros for cash. I sure hope you do not need sleazy online "gurus" or oversimplified all-or-nothing guidelines in order to feel rational. I also hope to God you weren't planning on finding a relationship on this forum.

Thank you for illustrating my point oh honorable white knight

 

[barbad0s]

Thank you for illustrating my point oh honorable white knight

okok. i know this is only a few minutes later, but i'm actually reading through this guy's material right now and it's REALLY INTERESTING. LOL. i actually sincerely thank you for sharing his name.

 

[sprinkles]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. -Rollo Tomassi

If a guy likes you he will open the gate of a relationship and if a girl like you she will open the gate of sex.

If you are a guy and not offering tempting morsels of relationship experiences you are not courting right.

If you are a girl and not offering tempting morsels of sexuality you are not courting right.


With that being said women have the power, as a women you must communicate interest first and then hope the guy bites. If he doesn't bite open the gate of sex, although in slight increments. Get his imagination flowing with your sex appeal. If you don't know how to seduce and you are a women you are shit out of luck.

The other side of the coin, as a guy. As a guy you have zero chance with a girl that hasn't expressed interest (given you permission to approach and court), but once she does its smooth sailing unless you muck it up. If you like a girl forget about it, never show attention overtly, display your value when near her and pray that your value as a mate is high enough to have her bite.


To briefly illustrate why women have the power in courting; two situations.

A guy walks up to a girl offers a relationship, gets friendzoned
A girl walks up to a guy and offers sex, gets sex

Unless a girl has interest, as a guy never open the gate of relationship.
As a girl if you have interest in a guy show it and if he doesn't respond show it better. Once you have his attention and hopefully before the one night stand you are set to start dating.

Penises are yucky.

 

[djpyro21]

okok. i know this is only a few minutes later, but i'm actually reading through this guy's material right now and it's REALLY INTERESTING. LOL. i actually sincerely thank you for sharing his name.

I expected nothing less from an ENFJ. The pleasure is all mine.