I feel like a needle in a haystack. | INFJ Forum

I feel like a needle in a haystack.

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votarist

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Nov 11, 2011
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So lately I've been sort of depressed, although nothing is going wrong in my life right now other than stress from college. I've come to the realization that I'm very unhappy with the way things are in modern culture, I really don't feel like I fit in. I've always felt emotions with really high sensitivity (though I've got one hell of a pokerface). I'm an INFJ and I don't think I've ever met another person who could understand me entirely. I have more close friends than I could ever need but I don't feel like I can talk to them about myself, I have many interests that my friends would never care to talk about. Maybe I'm afraid of being judged or as if it would bore them to hear what I have to say, so I end up withholding this vast cloud of endless thought that I don't know how to express. For instance, North American culture is all about loud pop music with horrible lyrics and fast cars and who is yelling the loudest, but I feel like I want to hold on to the past because I don't want all the good things to fade away. Things like 30's-50's jazz will literally bring me to tears sometimes because it's so beautiful, and it reminds me of a more ideal time with higher values and simple pleasures (aside from the war) and I wish things could be more ideal now. It's all cliched, it's all been done before, everything has greyed together now and I do not like where culture is going. I'm only 19, I've grown up through all of this but I've usually rejected anything that was popular or mainstream, and I tend to long for things that realistically can never happen. I feel like the rareness and beauty of life is being taken for granted and I don't want to let go.
I just want to lie in the grass and watch the clouds pass, cant an INFJ get a break?
Does anyone else feel this way? Can anyone help me feel okay again?
 
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You have a fondness for the past? Obviously an ISTJ: the deepest of all the types.
 
That may have been a bad example, it's not so much a longing for the past as it is a longing for certainty, I want everything to be in its right place but things keeps changing.
 
Music is going through a bad patch now. Virtuosity may return someday, I hope.
 
Maybe I'm mourning the slow death of art. I love radiohead by the way, that song popped into my head shortly after writing that :)
 
Wow, it felt really good to write that all down.
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I posted this in another thread not too long ago:

Writing about your emotions helps one to manifest them physically and then reflect upon them with a different emotional outlook and gain perspective.
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Welcome to the forum. You'll fit in just fine here.
 
I just did a little research on ennaegrams, I had never heard of them before, I did a few tests and got 4-the individualist, and it basically told me my life story.
edit: Why don't they teach about this in school?! I could have saved myself many years of self loathing, I seriously thought there was something horribly wrong with me my entire life.
 
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The key is the only 19 part. I was just speaking with some students today. The age between abut 18 to 25 are a period of tremendous personal growth. You are defining what type of man/woman you want to be and disconnecting from the influence your peers have held on you in your teenage years. It is a time of looking within and finding the answers for yourself. Have a good journey, just don't focus all your energy on what makes you unhappy, find your joys too.
 
votarist said:
I just did a little research on ennaegrams, I had never heard of them before, I did a few tests and got 4-the individualist, and it basically told me my life story.
edit: Why don't they teach about this in school?! I could have saved myself many years of self loathing, I seriously thought there was something horribly wrong with me my entire life.
Click to expand...
They cant teach you this stuff in highschool because your not at a point in your life where you fully developed. You are still discovering who you are, and telling someone who they are before they have a chance to figure that out for themselves tends to not work. Along with understanding your personality type, look at what stage of llife you are in, look up Erikson and read a little about him and what he thought it might you give you some more insight as to the path you may wish to walk.
 
Thanks for the support everyone, I've dug up some life changing information about why I am the way that I am. I've got a lot of self improvement I need to work on, but I'm no longer blind to why I'm not fitting in and I think I might just have a place in this world after all.
 
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