[INFJ] - How to let go of someone? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] How to let go of someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by TheFool, Jan 4, 2019.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 7 users.
More threads by TheFool
  1. TheFool

    TheFool Newbie

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    25
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    782
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Gällivare, Sweden
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Hello fellow INFJs!

    I’m sure that most of the INFJs here have struggled or are struggling with their broken heart, just like myself. Since we all know how fucking debilitating a break-up can be for an INFJ and how precious the feeling is to finally be able to let go of our past lovers, I thought we could share our best advices to those who are wandering in the dark valley of reasoning, idolization and self-undoing.

    These are my own reminders.

    1. Cut all the cords, including ghosting.
    2. Abandon all hope.
    3. Stop visioning how it was, how it could have be and how it might be.
    4. Ask yourself, was I dedicated into the relationship as if it would have been the one for the rest of my life, even with the faults?
    5. Since you never do things half-heartedly, why would you ever be content with someone who did not share the same passion, the same willingness to adapt and the same eagerness to learn to know what truly makes you happy?
    6. Be brutal honest to yourself and loyal to your intuition, even though it might feel cold as it cuts through your love for daydreaming and idealization.
    7. You will meet many possible partners but make sure that the next one is truly worthy of your love and dedication.

    You are a precious and wonderous being. Don’t waste yourself for the unworthy!

    <3 <3 <3
     
    Jonah Caan, Asa, tovlo and 9 others like this.
  2. Ginny

    Ginny Sister Priestess of BB&C (πάντα ῥεῖ)

    Joined:
    May 23, 2017
    Threads:
    27
    Messages:
    4,318
    Featured Threads:
    7
    Likes Received:
    19,105
    Trophy Points:
    1,862
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East of the Sun and West of the Moon
    MBTI:
    INFJ IEI
    Enneagram:
    1w2 sx/sp
    Start being happy for yourself. Your happiness cannot come from other people or you will always be defined by their opinion of you and that is not being true to yourself. Be content with who you are, and learn what your way is. You needn't see the end, but at least where you are going. Be grateful, and start seeing everyone around you for who they are. They are just like you - human.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Asa, tovlo, BamaINFJ and 8 others like this.
  3. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    4,839
    Likes Received:
    14,197
    Trophy Points:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    ENTJ
    Enneagram:
    8w7, 8-3-7
    I think that the romantic mind-set causes us so much trouble. We've got all of these crazy expectations in our heads. Don't bullshit yourself INFJs. Evaluate whether or not your habits benefit you.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Fidicen, Asa, TheFool and 6 others like this.
  4. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    1,937
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    12,931
    Trophy Points:
    1,742
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Yorkshire, UK
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    The NTJs have spoken.

    What you want to do is, right from the start of the relationship, visualise how you would break up with them and what it might take to get you to that point. Insist upon a core set of boundaries in your mind and stick to them. Divest yourself of all fear of the relationship ending.

    Then, when you are plausibly indifferent, and you are sure that the other person is a good egg and worth the effort, commit to it with all your being.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    TheFool, jkxx, JennyDaniella and 5 others like this.
  5. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2016
    Threads:
    50
    Messages:
    6,500
    Featured Threads:
    5
    Likes Received:
    26,889
    Trophy Points:
    2,456
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    MBTI:
    INFJ-t
    Enneagram:
    2w1, 2w3
    Agreement 1 workable
    Agreement 2 undesirable, but workable
    Agreement 3 deal breaker
    Be upfront and speak your own truth, agree to disagree where plausible
    All humans make misteps
     
    TheFool, jkxx, tovlo and 5 others like this.
  6. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Threads:
    221
    Messages:
    23,823
    Featured Threads:
    14
    Likes Received:
    88,611
    Trophy Points:
    4,271
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    Ni Space
    Enneagram:
    9 Seas
    1) Laugh at the infinite void that is your innate need to procreate
    2) Jokingly shake your fist at your own inability to create a positive outcome from the experience
    3) ???
    4) Profit!!!

    *at some point make sure to have a good cry on the bathroom floor, you big dumb baby
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Asa, TheFool, jkxx and 6 others like this.
  7. Milktoast Bandit

    Milktoast Bandit Clueless Wallob

    Joined:
    May 2, 2016
    Threads:
    57
    Messages:
    7,038
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    26,783
    Trophy Points:
    3,606
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ-A
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Acceptance. There is no was or could be. Only is. If it is shit. Then, shit it is.

    Also, profit!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    TheFool, jkxx, tovlo and 4 others like this.
  8. OP
    TheFool

    TheFool Newbie

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    25
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    782
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Gällivare, Sweden
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2

    Do you think those ideas are expectations or us imagining the potential how things could be?

    I can see when the person is never going to “reach” their potential that I have created for them and yet I never give up on that dream. But instead of staying in the relationship I end it nowadays. It still hurts but it is better to face the facts as they are.

    I guess we need to work on our Se and listen to the intuition that tells us when it is time to give up, even though our hearts still hang on that dream..
     
    Pin likes this.
  9. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Threads:
    69
    Messages:
    2,836
    Featured Threads:
    18
    Likes Received:
    11,945
    Trophy Points:
    1,681
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Recognize the battle between emotion and logic.
    Be good to yourself.
    Don't act on emotion.

    Remember this:
    It feels fantastic to get over somebody who hurt you. If they return, groveling for your attention because they never planned on you getting over them, do not give them attention.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote, Hostarius, Ginny and 1 other person like this.
  10. OP
    TheFool

    TheFool Newbie

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    25
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    782
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Gällivare, Sweden
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Not acting on an emotion is so hard, especially when people get under your skin..
     
    Wyote, Hostarius, Ginny and 1 other person like this.
  11. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Threads:
    69
    Messages:
    2,836
    Featured Threads:
    18
    Likes Received:
    11,945
    Trophy Points:
    1,681
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    It is so hard. Easier said than done when you're saturated with emotion, but reflecting on how embarrassing it is when you let emotions take control helps reel them in. :(
    I'm not sure this control is possible, though, if you fall into the grip.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote, Hostarius, Ginny and 1 other person like this.
  12. OP
    TheFool

    TheFool Newbie

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    25
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    782
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Gällivare, Sweden
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Have you noticed the difference with people you have had intimate sex and those who you have not?

    For me the emotions are not a problem if I am not intimately connected with the person. But once I truly become intimate with them, it seems that both me and the partner become far more vulnerable to other’s comments.

    It is like a double egded sword covered in honey.. You know it will eventually cut you but you just want to taste that sweetness.
     
    Hostarius likes this.
  13. Roses In The Vineyard

    Roses In The Vineyard Community Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2018
    Threads:
    10
    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    714
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I avoid this by not getting involved in the first place, have seen enough in my years already to know that it is just not worth it and to watch others put themselves though all this is sobering.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Jonah Caan, TheFool and Hostarius like this.
  14. sassafras

    sassafras some weird ass tree

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    166
    Messages:
    10,711
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    12,845
    Trophy Points:
    1,726
    MBTI:
    .
    Visualize a slice of pizza.

    Start by visualizing this slice of pizza as the cheesiest, yummiest, most scrumptious thing you could ever desire, with all the fixings that make it your perfect indulgence.

    Now visualize this same slice of pizza as infested with maggots and fungus and make it so this same delicious slice that made your mouth water a second ago wants to make you vomit now.

    Which one do you want in your life and which one do you want to stay the fuck away from you and your family and your friends and throw into the trash where it belongs?

    You can do this same exact exercise with humans. Your mind is a powerful thing. There's a reason you don't want this person in your life. Focus on the negatives. Make them disgusting. Make them so disgusting you feel cleansed and relieved and born anew for having gotten rid of them.

    Is it fair? Dunno. If you're having a hard time letting go even though you know you should, you're probably not seeing them fairly now either. You might be hallucinating a heavenly slice of pepperoni when they're really just a stinky block of cheese. Focus on forcing them out of your life because that's the goal. You can re-assess your decisions later after the trash man has taken them away and given you some distance. Make 'em disgusting to you first.

    Really, REALLY disgusting.

    As many posters have pointed out above, emotions are way more powerful than rational thought, and often erode rational thought. You can't court emotions with logic. You got to fight fire with fire. Emotions with emotions. Take back control of your feelings and make them serve you. (This is no coincidence that this exact method is a reprint of what your fellow XXTJ/TP's do)

    Make the disgust as visceral as possible and you'll be over it before you know it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #14 sassafras, Jan 6, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
Loading...

Share This Page