how mad is this huh? | INFJ Forum

how mad is this huh?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by kylabenson, Sep 25, 2008.

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  1. kylabenson

    kylabenson Newbie

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    Tell me..
    Do any of you feel like you know something no one else does, as though you are apart of some 'elite club'.. i think im talking spiritual here, though im unsure, but it is as if you know and have seen the 'bigger picture', 'what matters' what its all about, and that all this is just 'bullshit' it's like being back to the raw fundaments of humanity.. being stripped of material related ego shit,

    I never had it growing up, not like this... though.. all my life i have known and felt i was very different, (swimming against the current of people) but i think that's just the pisces in me.. all that dreamy fairyland bollox... this is more intense, though along a similar line, its seeing the 'TRUTH' and KNOWING its REAL.

    One thing i can be sure of, and that is.. i have suffered trauma in my life (much like many i suppose) and i took a few years out to heal myself 5 to be exact, (yes i did need it)
    I am nonjudgmental totally peace loving and suffer no ill will, negitives nor insecurities, but i've been left with this heightened 'thing', i say heightened because i believe it has always been there.. but never to this extreme clear perception.

    The best way i can describe this in a metaphor would be... As if you are sitting way up high on a tall building looking down on everyone just going about their normal day-to-day life, totally oblivious!! totally clueless!! just small mindingly concentrating on the synthetics of life, i.e what the rush hour traffic will be like this evening, and what to cook for Tea tonight.. clutching on like dear life to magazines of celebs caught without their make-up blah blah blah..

    I feel so detached and not apart of it, despite accepting and living amongst it as best i can, but deep down im really in my own bubble, in fact.. well i know i am, i just manage to go through life in stealth mode to enable myself to fit in, as best i can
    I know... that should i think to hard about it, i could really send myself into despair, so i do not, but the reminence has changed my insight and how i view things,
    and that is something i cannot change, partly because this 'bigger picture' that i now know, wont allow me too. because i KNOW it to be real, and it's better, and you don't diverse from something that is better. (how fuked-up am i sounding right now?)

    Its almost like i've been picked up and placed in a foreign speaking country, as if someone had picked up my world and shook it like a snowstorm in a bubble!! and the world as i knew it before is all just bullshit in comparison...
    i'm left feeling like.. someone has taken something from me, like a kind of innocence in a way, i feel cheated, 'why cant i just be like them!' just going about 'normal shit,' totally oblivious!! i know im NOT crazy, but this 'sense like' is so heightened, is almost as if it could be.. is it a phenomenon? is this how mediums and psychics feel? it's form is very 'prophet' like to me, (tho im by no means saying i am 1, thats just ridiculous)
    what ever it is, gift - insight - intuition - curse.. i don't care, its not unique.. its lonely..

    i'm too young for this shit!!
    yeah deep i know but please if anyone does relate to any of this, i would be so happy to know im not alone here..
     
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  2. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    You're not alone! This separateness seems to be heightened in me as well. For me it's very Matrix like.
     
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  3. Silently Honest

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    What can you do? You can try to explain it to the folks, but they'll won't know what your talking about, to them it's as real as it gets. Totally absorbed in what they believe is the real world.

    I never felt I was in an elite club, my way of stating it was I've been the one character in a T.V. show with millions of others who could break the forth wall.
     
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  4. NotYouMe

    NotYouMe Three

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    Kyla,

    I'm new in here :yo:, so take this for what it's worth.

    But part of what I saw in your post was a description of feeling separate from the pack; sort of a 'I am not you' sensation, or realization. Inwardly, you are not satisfied with the daily grind, with the routine, with the herd mentality and shallow social amusements. For these things do not reach the true, inner-you. They don't even come close. Who you know yourself to be, inside, is such a far cry from the daily herd that goes by, that you feel foreign to it; or visa-versa. And you wonder, do these people actually find fulfillment in the daily grind without asking the inward, deeper, soul-ish, or perhaps spiritual questions?

    Perhaps this is also discovery of your own inner strength and identity in that not only do you do not want to follow the crowd, but you do not need to. You ultimately are not led by tradition or convention, rather, something else moves you and spurs you on. You might feel like those in the herd are a bunch of followers and you can not identify with that, it dissatisfies you, because you are so not a follower like that. Again, something else moves you and spurs you on.

    You are a different animal. Maybe you're not a sheep, but a sea otter, or a hawk, or a tree-squirrel. Towing the line in a routine cattle-path doesn't float your boat, because that's now who you are.

    I think it's kind of cool.
     
  5. palettesirens

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    Yes,
    Nothing is everything.

    This thread is refreshingly normal.
     
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  6. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I'm a part of an elite club :D just not your spiritual one D:
     
  7. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    That's basically the story of my life. It feels more like I'm standing inside a glass box; I am part of the world and everyone in it, but I'm oddly detached as well....
    I've always felt different from people. I don't tell very many people that, because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to make myself out to be some sort of "holier-than-thou" being, but I never have.

    Does anyone here feel like they have a higher purpose, somehow? Like they just couldn't be content in the normal rat race; like they have something much more important that they need to do or find?
    I couldn't be content without something greater than that "normal" lifestyle. It's hard to explain, but I just couldn't...
     
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  8. OP
    kylabenson

    kylabenson Newbie

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    Message in reply to Gloomy-optimist
    your Q; Does anyone here feel like they have a higher purpose, somehow? Like they just couldn't be content in the normal rat race; like they have something much more important that they need to do or find?

    There was something which i deliberately left out of my thread however i did touch upon it in the prophet comment, and that is.. i know i feel Righteous, which to me is very odd and i will NOT push any of my ideals and opinions on others, but simply comment when asked, and i certainly dismiss and banish all negatives from welling up and residing within me, yet i see this Righteousness as a negative but just cannot get rid of it.. i feel it because i KNOW that i know more about what all this is about than the rest do.. its not a nice thing to admit, but i suppose it only really matters should you allow it to take over your actions, and i don't, but yes deep down i know and feel very Righteous, and it is on a humanity basis, like i should be using this almost in a 'spreading-the-word' kinda way, many people come to me with their problems i am forever helping people with their issues etc, i am definitely of the counsellor bracket, and it does come when i am helping, i seem to have this ability of having all the answers which later i find have worked, but.. it does not fulfil the Urge to take it wide-scale, i am definitely left feeling that it is a gift given for helping people on a grand scale, but at the same time my determination to not be seen as a fruitloop is somewhat stronger, oh how we pander to very society we feel were here to help, ooh the Irony.. dontcha just love it!!
     
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  9. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    That is well said Kylabenson.
     
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  10. OP
    kylabenson

    kylabenson Newbie

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    Thank you all for your comments, and please keep them coming..

    Stumbling upon this site is probably the best soul fulfilling action that has ever happened to me.. my god how i thought i was losing the plot, i spent the best parts of a day reading peoples comments and thoughts on this site and truth be known i cried like a baby, just within the first 2, i understand EVERYTHING anyone ever says to me, but to be reading words from people speaking 'my language' and singing from the very same hymn sheet was like an outstretch hand into the dark depths of my solitary confinement,

    what a relief!!
     
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  11. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    I just typed the post you needed to hear and some how I got kicked off and all my words were lost!!!
    I was in the moment.:mpaddy:

    Your not alone. I was like you once. You need to learn how to see the truth in everything but know that it is only truth. It's how you judge what you see that makes you different. No one and I mean no one will ever live up to any of our expectations. Most humans will fail you! They have been domesticated to act the way they do. They feel like they need to fit in. And they are rewarded for fitting in. Don't think of it as a punishment but rather a blessing that you see life for what it is. You can choose to do with it as you please. Try to live your life by making deliberate acts. Have a meaning for everything you do. Make sure that you are doing what you know is right.
    You were born perfect into an imperfect world that taught you how to live in the dream that the world gave to you. You can find your own dream and that scares others because it goes against the dream they were taught. And to go against anything is going to make you a martyr everytime. So sometimes its better to just see the dream for what it is and just move thru it and get to your destination. Maybe you just found yours...:meyes:
     
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    #11 efromm, Sep 28, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2008
  12. Silently Honest

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    I'm so happy for you. I really am.

    How good do you feel?
     
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  13. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Kyla, we are so with you on this one . . . hope you stay!
     
  14. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I never understood the word validation until I came here.
     
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  15. NobleKnight

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    Thanks for posting this topic Kyla and sharing your thoughts; very genuine. I know exactly what this aloneness feels like. To a certain degree, I think every true INFJ feels it at some point. Though the "big picture" that you intuitively know and see is undoubtedly unique and distinct in a way from the one I see or that any other INFJ sees as it is born out of a completely unique set of circumstances. It is frustrating to me to think that no one else will see the world through my eyes. Because I now understand my story, I want to help others understand their own stories. But this proves a most difficult task. What most people lack when they try to piece their own lives together is context. I ask them, "What is your passion?" Or, "What makes you come alive?" All I get are blank stares, or occasionally "Well, I've never thought about that". Part of me wants to slap them in the face and say, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME? Yes, there are some who have an answer for these questions, but they are usually devoid of any real substance. They might as well just say, "I like cheez puffs".
    Anyways, apparently, you have discovered your "context". I think you've found more than just that, but with that, you have more than most people. Now, what to do with it. In regards to what you know is real, it's hard to know what to say and what not to say and to whom. I too am torn between a knagging sense that I need to get this information to the masses no matter what the cost and the continual fear that I will once again be misunderstood and rejected by all. Believe me, I have spent a better part of my life being misunderstood and I hate feeling alone because of it. I hate how the world takes away peoples' hopes and dreams and causes them to forget what it truly means to be alive, to be made in the image of God (I don't know if you believe that sort of thing or not). You are not being conceited when you say that you know something that no one else knows. We INFJ's tend to want to bare the burdens of the world on our shoulders and think we have the answers to it all. This is admirable and right only when this knowledge is tempered and balanced with compassion, humility, and an attachment to something that is beyond just ourselves. It can never be about us. I believe you have these but I just wanted to remind you of it.
     
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  16. Kwistalline

    Kwistalline Permanent Fixture

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    Noble Knight, you are proof that the INFJ has a great potential for writing. Interesting pic, btw. Do you travel?
     
  17. OP
    kylabenson

    kylabenson Newbie

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    to nobleknight.
    aww very kind words.. thank you :)
     
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  18. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    There is something strange in hearing people say what I've always felt. Especially because I can never seem to find anyone in the real world that feels that way, or, at least, anyone that feels comfortable in discussing it.
    kylabenson:
    I feel ya. It's a hard thing, wanting to help and knowing how to, but not wanting to make anyone think you're "above" them. It makes us feel trapped; I know I do, sometimes. But I'm learning that you need to take advantage of your gift; speak! There's at least one person that will listen. And don't be afraid to put your foot down when you need to.

    I think that once INFJs start realizing that they have a purpose, and once we start following them, we could really make a difference, even with how few we are...
    Because if there really are other people that feel like they need to do something, then it has to be genuine, right...?
     
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  19. PoetOfDreams

    PoetOfDreams Shadow Queen

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    I been feeling like this as well for the longest time. I would have to say I been lurking for a while before I decided to reveal myself.

    Hi my name is Judy. :mcry:
     
  20. OP
    kylabenson

    kylabenson Newbie

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    welcome judy, its good to have you on board
    take care
    ky x
     
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