How do your parents treat you? | INFJ Forum

How do your parents treat you?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by easy_rider, Jun 15, 2009.

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  1. easy_rider

    easy_rider Community Member

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    Mine seem to think they know everything about me and exactly what I want, and they're always trying to make every decision for me, and they talk to other people about me and say stuff like 'oh yeah I think he's happy with it' or 'no it's never worried him' but really they're way off. And now they expect me to work my ass off in school and go to uni and end up with some yuppie job, and even though I know they're not right about all this I still feel like ive got to live up to their expectations?
     
    #1 easy_rider, Jun 15, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2009
  2. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

    WOW!!!!! did you just describe my parents!?!?

    that's what my parents are too......and what's soooo irritating
    is that when they talk to other people about me, they're like "yes she's contended with doing this and that"... AND WOW!!!!! EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF WHAT I FEEL.....

    i have ISSUES WITH MY DAD......
    with my mom.... (she's kind of following my dad all the time)

    so besides parents...... i have no siblings......so i have no one to talk to........ no best friends.... no close friends.......

    I AM MISERABLE......

    :m192:
     
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  3. Ortorin

    Ortorin Community Member

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    Do or did?

    Did- Like shit, never really caring about me because of the fact they were alwlays druged up and I was nothing but an un-wanted thing around the house.

    Do- Try to give me the world to make up for a shitty childhood that they caused (my mom being the biggest one about that.)

    They have also been apart for as long as I can remember, never married.
     
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  4. Detective Conan

    Detective Conan Doesn't Cast Shadows

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    Well, when I'm in my house with my parents, I kind of feel like an unwelcome roommate. My parents ignore my emotions completely and try to blame my moods on lack of nutrition. Which is bullshit, because I eat healthy most of the time (who doesn't enjoy indulging on junk once in a blue moon?), as well as take some vitamin supplements. They really don't know me and they don't try. It's like they ignore my emotional side without hesitation. And they don't just ignore emotions; I've seen them show empathy for other relatives or just friends.

    Also, they choose when they get involved with my life period. I respect their choice, but I'm their kid. They should want to help me when my life has problems in it. I even ask them to help me with things, but they don't. However, when things are going good, they interfere to "make things better." When usually the good things turn out bad. The only good thing that's come from this behavior is I'm extremely independent. So independent, that I need to do everything myself. I don't trust my parents to act properly.

    And I'm kind of in the same situation as soulseeker, friend-wise. I'm an only child, and I don't have any friends of any kind really. I concur; it does suck not having anyone to talk with.
     
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  5. Koba

    Koba Community Member

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    Easy_rider, what you're describing is very normal, although probably still not a good thing for children. Parents often mix up their own identity with their children's, so end up feeling very responsible and very domineering. A great way to see this is to talk about some of the things young people who are considering having children say- things like that they want a purpose to their life (raising the kid) or someone to care about them consistently. IMO this is far too much responsibility for a child, and children end up in far too repressive environments.

    You don't have to go to college. You do need a plan though. If it takes effort to get passing grades, you should probably still graduate. If you mean that your parents want straight A's, one thing that someone told me was "You'll never regret that you got good grades." It's certainly true, but I certainly wasn't a straight A student either even though if I had put a lot of time into it I could have been. I partly wish I had dropped out and gotten a GED and gone to the community college, but I could have gotten a highschool diploma without putting much effort into it and I do well on standardized tests scores. This would have been a good route that allowed more freedom.

    But back to needing a plan I mentioned earlier. You definitely want the highschool diploma or a GED. Armed with the diploma, there are all kinds of things you can do. Community colleges and various places offer lots of vocational programs, and there's 2 years or shorter programs for all kinds of things, from hair dressing to welding. There are even more creative options that allow for more freedom, but generally it's good to have one of the less creative ones at least as a fallback.

    Just have a plan. You may not know what you want yet, but if you can at least be aware of your options, then you'll be in a position to make an informed decision. If you do that, don't let anyone convince you that you need to go the way they laid out for you. Above all, you're your own person, not your parents.

    I notice this with my parents. However, when I was younger I found that things would go easier for me if I actively masked my feelings and desires from them. This causes them to be forced to interact with me on my own terms a bit more, rather than playing my feelings and desires off of me. It also means they don't really know who I am, which is annoying, but I don't really want them to know who I am. That's not the kind of thing I show to everyone, even to people who think they're entitled.
     
  6. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    I think most parents use the "I know you better than you know yourself" card at various times during their child's life. Maybe it's to reassure themselves that they're making decisions for their child and that they know them so well they have to be right?

    Either way, usually it's not actually true.
     
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