How do you like being comforted?

[charlatan]

Probably the main other thing to say about me in this topic is I have absolutely no problem being seen as/seeing myself as a coward or weakling, nor do I particularly admire strength in others when I really think about it. I am not courageous nor do I aspire to be. I don't really see myself as strong, competent, or any such thing. I have a more cut and dry "OK, hopefully I find the answers -- there's no guarantee I will, but all I can do is look" attitude, and I just basically fry myself thinking to try to do so.

As a result, I'm perfectly happy to ask for comfort/somewhat find it foreign that so many people in this thread have a hard time with that. But I guess most people are not as happy to see themselves as incompetent weaklings

 

[Lurk]

Probably the main other thing to say about me in this topic is I have absolutely no problem being seen as/seeing myself as a coward or weakling, nor do I particularly admire strength in others when I really think about it. I am not courageous nor do I aspire to be. I don't really see myself as strong, competent, or any such thing. I have a more cut and dry "OK, hopefully I find the answers -- there's no guarantee I will, but all I can do is look" attitude, and I just basically fry myself thinking to try to do so.

As a result, I'm perfectly happy to ask for comfort/somewhat find it foreign that so many people in this thread have a hard time with that. But I guess most people are not as happy to see themselves as incompetent weaklings

Great post.

 

[Free]

@Free you mention anything about a possible love for hug smilies I will sue you for libel.

:leaphug::biggrin::leaphug2::rainbowlove::bunnybutthug::happynod::froggyhug::lovey:jglomp::smooch::alienhug::rainlove::ripleyhug::heartu::tinmanhug::lovey::freesmother::bouncylove:mghug::Lovesplosion::squeeehug::happylove::cornerhug::comewithme::sharelove:

What was that @Tin Man? I couldn't hear you over your stifled screams while I squishyhug you.

However... I still think hugs are magical things, and sometimes, all you need is a pair of arms around you to remind you that it's going to be okay. I might be shit at hugs, but I can still recognize that they are awesome. :holdtighthug:

*squish*
:freesmother:

 

[hush]

If you don't mind saying, do you let yourself feel the pain, or is that also difficult? Obviously the stuff you say is very consistent with enneagram 2, but I'm wondering how it compares with enneagram 7s, who often enough will actually repress the pain/reframe it some way. I imagine given e2 is image-centric, it might have a little more to do with admitting the vulnerability to another, but I also imagine to some extent, it might be hard to admit it to oneself as well (after all, image isn't only for others, but also for oneself).

I somehow missed a notification for this, then the thread got buried, then @Free unburied it with all of the hugs (❤), so I shall attempt to think on this (will take some thinking to answer properly, as tends to be the case with me).

Edited to add: I'm not sure I'm e2, I vacillate between that and 5 and 6.

 

[Free]

I somehow missed a notification for this, then the thread got buried, then @Free unburied it with all of the hugs (❤), so I shall attempt to think on this (will take some thinking to answer properly, as tends to be the case with me).

I'm roughly 3,200 posts behind schedule. I'm digging up all the stuffs! And hugs! And more stuffs!!

But to answer the question at hand properly instead of tiptoeing over it, it's really situational for me. Usually I secluded myself as HP mentioned. And as hush mentioned, I'm not all that big on hugs irl. Shocking, I know, but they can be quite startling instead of comforting. Sometimes a kind word is all that's needed, sometimes silence. Sometimes I just need to be held for feckin ever, but I'll never actively seek that out. When in doubt, cuddle a furbaby.

 

[charlatan]

Edited to add: I'm not sure I'm e2, I vacillate between that and 5 and 6.

Perhaps at least in tritype; I tend to go between 6w5/1w9 these days and know the feel of oscillating. I guess both 5/2 are rejection types; both 6/2 superego. What you described (obviously just one point) is more probably the first. However you've said 6-ish things so it's possible the rejection stuff comes from 2.

who knows, perhaps my question will factor in a tiny bit into however you sort it out!

 

[Lurk]

I like it when a @charlatan isn't doing the comforting.

 

[Marshmellow0103]

Generally I withdraw a lot. My mom is an ENFP with PTSD so she gets really emotional so I guess I always felt like I have to be strong so I don’t worry her. I would hardly ever cry in front of her, but even when I did it was usually from being injured or extremely angry, but I would never cry about emotional things in front of her. My mom has jokingly asked before if I had a heart since I don’t cry. I eventually got to the point I couldnt bring myself to cry even if I felt like I needed to. My bf of 2 years is the only person I’ll cry in front of or go to for comfort so his image of me is the complete opposite. We were dating for about 6 months when I got my first job, and my managers were going on and on about a mistake I made (accidentally bringing food to the wrong table). I went to the bathroom and called my bf up crying. Neither of us really said anything for a while, but it was somehow comforting just knowing he was there for me. He was a waiter for a while, so when I finally calmed down enough to tell him what happened, he said “I don’t think that’s a big deal. Ive done it a few times.”
I remember saying “really?!” And suddenly not feeling the need to cry anymore. Lol

 

[Nyx001]

I withdraw. I want to process my thoughts and emotions. When I want comfort from others I will look for it and it's usually just something like being in the presence of those I care for. I don't really like it when people know something is wrong but they keep pushing me to open up. Because often at this point I can't properly articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that will make sense. If I want to talk about the issue at hand I will divulge whatever information I feel is necessary to form a solution and 9 out of 10 times I end up finding that solution for myself. And of course some things just have no solution. If I don't feel like being alone I really do prefer the company of my male friends when I'm down because most of them will seldom bug me to talk about stuff. While talking can help to an extent I would much rather do an activity to take my mind off an issue then discuss it at length.

 

[Scientia]

It depends on what it is, who the person trying to comfort me is and how deep the pain is. I have a difficult time accepting efforts to comfort me if so don’t really feel the need. When one of my grandmothers passed away, I was inconsolable because she was such an influence on me. My coworker tried to hug me and I wouldn’t let her. We weren’t that close and it wasn’t helpful at the time. My husband at the time didn’t say anything at all about her death and just was there but quiet (which was unusual for him) and that was actually more helpful.

 

[Nyx001]

I withdraw. I want to process my thoughts and emotions. When I want comfort from others I will look for it and it's usually just something like being in the presence of those I care for. I don't really like it when people know something is wrong but they keep pushing me to open up. Because often at this point I can't properly articulate my thoughts and feelings in a way that will make sense. If I want to talk about the issue at hand I will divulge whatever information I feel is necessary to form a solution and 9 out of 10 times I end up finding that solution for myself. And of course some things just have no solution. If I don't feel like being alone I really do prefer the company of my male friends when I'm down because most of them will seldom bug me to talk about stuff. While talking can help to an extent I would much rather do an activity to take my mind off an issue then discuss it at length.[/QUO

THAN... That was bugging me lol.

 

[Happy Phantom]

Hugs from Mr. INTP. :kittyhug::starrynighthug:

 

[JennyDaniella]

I definitely prefer to go into my own world and be alone. Physical contact such as hugging and kissing makes me feel more suffocated than comforted, which some of my family members or friends automatically get offended or think I want nothing to do with them, which is the complete opposite. Also talking about my feelings is something I don't usually feel comfortable doing, especially after an argument or bad confrontation.

I am the type of person that will say stupid shit if I am angry or depressed, so it's better that I divert from the person and not say something I will regret. I just want to be on my own and temporarily focus on myself. I will be my normal huggy, touchy self again once I defused, took a nap, or had some time to think.

 

[spudscoffee]

I'm fine with it as long as they will help me stay positive.

 

[Lurk]

Great post.

Ty.

I like it when a @charlatan isn't doing the comforting.

: (Eyes Without a Face) to be mysterious

 

[TheGoodOlDrama]

Depends. If for example I'm bothered about something wrong in the relationship I expect we can talk about it.
If my pain is personal. Not much, I won't talk about it to anyone.
If it's a random rant, I'll be like Hitler.

 

[noisebloom]

I'll be like Hitler.

 

[noisebloom]

When I'm stressed, sad, etc., I want someone to help me put things in perspective. If things can be explained to me in a manner that convinces my brain the situation has a potential positive outcome, I feel better. I'm not sure if this is an INTP thing or a man thing, or a combination of both.

Sometimes when I'm in an intimate relationship, if my significant does various things to cheer me up, my appreciation of their efforts cheers me up, especially if it's something they normally wouldn't do and I can genuinely see it's out of love.

Honestly, just laughing at the stupid fucking memes on this forum cheer me up a lot of the time.

 

[Wyote]

Honestly, just laughing at the stupid fucking memes on this forum cheer me up a lot of the time.

Yayyyyy!

 

[Vict]

Sweet, sweet space.