How do you like being comforted? | INFJ Forum

How do you like being comforted?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by AUM, Mar 11, 2018.

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  1. AUM

    AUM Well-known member

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    TL;DR Are you the type of person that likes to receive warm affection from your loved ones when you're feeling sad or distressed? Or are you more the type of person that likes to withdraw and into your shell?

    Personally, I've always had trouble getting comforted because I like being the pillar of strength while the situation is still going on. I go into Ti-mode(sort of speak) and begin analyzing all the solutions to the current situation. I withdraw to my room and don't let anyone know what's going inside my head. I want to be the problem-solver not wallowing into sadness. Of course, that's not always optimal because people need the human connection and warm touch to let you know that everything is going to be fine etc but letting myself get vulnerable after the fact has always been my Achilles's heel. Not to say that I don't appreciate it, but it's sometimes difficult to just let go.

    What about you?

     
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  2. the

    the Si master race.
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  3. Gaze

    Gaze What am I mixing? Well . . .
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    I feel sorry for the people who try to comfort me :D, because I am not always receptive or appreciative. What's seemingly comforting to one person can feel, inadequate, intrusive or insensitive to someone else. Odd, isn't it? I like venting and having someone there to listen, but I can end up overdoing the venting, and get on someone's nerves. People don't necessarily want to hear a problem talked to death. I don't expect anyone to have answers for me or try to solve my problem. Sometimes, I just want someone to listen and understand, not to do anything. Not expecting agreement, just understanding of what I may be feeling. Just be willing to hear me out because I don't share my stuff with everyone, so if I let it all out, it's because I've been holding it inside to avoid dumping it on other people who definitely don't want to hear it, shouldn't have to deal with it, or who may not really want to listen or understand. In the end, just listen. That's pretty much all I ask. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, but I want to know someone is there who is willing to just let me let it all out sometimes, with no judgment.
     
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  4. MrSquared

    MrSquared Well-known member

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    With truthful yet tactful word at the appropriate time and place.
     
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    Wyote Moody Magician
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    Reason Booze Baron

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    Sort of a bit of both I guess, I want to be reminded that someone cares about me but I don't want them to stick around for long. Let me know you love me then leave me alone.
     
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  7. Marlize

    Marlize Community Member

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    This...I'll go to the loved one after if I'm ready, once I've made peace and played out everything in my mind and know how I feel. Then I want only their presence, no talking.
     
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  8. jkxx

    jkxx Community Member

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    More so the former since it tends to get me out of the funk very quickly though in this case it's also about the other person's handling of the situation - though I'd welcome them handling it like this. Though in reality the latter is more likely since sharing anything tends to be triggering unless it's someone I know really well. For sure the wrong impression will be given thanks to the discrepancy.

    Though the third option, cookies, works well always :)
     
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    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

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  11. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Reason Booze Baron

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    Also, this is a better answer than mine
     
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  13. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    To be honest, when I'm going through a difficult time, nothing comforts me more than creative writing. I often get annoyed when people try to "help me", even though they probably have the best of intentions. It's really a pattern for me.

    The only exception is when I get paranoid. In that case, getting access to another person's perspective is usually very helpful.
     
    #13 Ren, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
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  14. Eventhorizon

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    Yeah boobs is a good answer for....
    download (2).jpeg :m066::m153::mwaa:

    But then theres...
    120116-rosie-odonnell-kal-1080x608-1.jpg
    :m196::m169::m162::m077:

    So not just any boobs will do.
    Whereas with single malt, I have not found one that I could not at least choke down.
     
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    #14 Eventhorizon, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
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  15. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

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    Professor Snep Smart. Sexy. Snep.

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  18. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I do withdraw, initially, so that I can think and try to come up with various perspectives on what's bothering me and what possibilities are there. Writing and journaling. Writing really angsty poetry.. I try to deal with things on my own or comfort myself first. But when I do get to a point where I feel I'm struggling to deal with something on my own-- just having someone I trust listen to me and provide support.
     
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    #18 acd, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
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  19. Madgirl143

    Madgirl143 Community Member

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    A big bear hug

    giphy (2).gif
     
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    Isabella Probably dancing....

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    I definitely don't want to be comforted when I'm thinking/working through difficult situations - I just need people to leave me alone. My husband and God are probably the only outside influences I will allow into my space during this time. A hug from hubby always works wonders.

    I'm much more receptive to people after I've worked things out in my own head.
     
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