How do you let go?
- Thread starter Mary Shelley
- Start date
^^this. For me, being honest with yourself about how much it hurts or sucks to have to let go. Don't force yourself to let go, allow yourself to feel every feeling. Let it happen naturally. But go through the logical and emotional steps mentally where you lay out why you want and/or need to let go is necessary. Accept that it's tough and that you're not going to feel like you want to let go, because you still care. Show yourself understanding about your feelings, and then let yourself move on.
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Unfortunately going through this right now. My boyfriend left me a few weeks ago. It seems to me that people want to rush you into getting over it. I don't know about everyone else out there, but I have to thoroughly process things. I want to understand what is happening to me and why it is happening. He left me and is not coming back. I get that part. What I want to know is, what the heck happened and how can I try to avoid this problem in the future. With all that being said, my advice is to let yourself go through the stages of grief. Don't let anyone rush you. If you need days of just sleeping or ignoring everyone you know, do it. Also, be sure to tell your supporter's if something they say hurts you. I had to tell mine that just because he hurt me terribly, I don't want to bash him or listen to them bash him either. Take Care.
For me, I had to realize that it was going to take time, depending on the relationship and how strong it was.
My last relationship ended in January of 2013, and It took me until a few months ago (August) to realize I was finally ready to move on and consider new relationship interests. From January - June/July I had an up and down process of letting go and coming to terms with the end of the relationship. I had great support at times, but I also didn't in many aspects, because I kept the relationship (that lasted a year and a half) from many people. To be blunt, I was a hot mess for most of the process, crying and being overly emotional about it, to the opposite end of the spectrum and being a confident person when I went out and met new people. I was really all over the place depending on the day or my mood.
A few years ago, I had started attending college and my best friend of a few years and I had a huge falling out. This ended our relationship very abruptly and basically ruined my freshman year of college in many aspects. It was hard to move on because I was young, in a new town and school, and surrounded by people I didn't know. Despite that, I learned a lot. One of the most important takeaways from this relationship was that I wasn't going to get closure. We never spoke again, even though we lived very close and had similar friends for the year that I remained at that school. I was never able to get closure and the "why would you do that" question answered. In learning this, I've been better about closure in other aspects of my life, and I have learned that closure doesn't really exist, at least the way you picture it in your mind.
Even from these experiences, I still have to work at moving on.
My last relationship ended in January of 2013, and It took me until a few months ago (August) to realize I was finally ready to move on and consider new relationship interests. From January - June/July I had an up and down process of letting go and coming to terms with the end of the relationship. I had great support at times, but I also didn't in many aspects, because I kept the relationship (that lasted a year and a half) from many people. To be blunt, I was a hot mess for most of the process, crying and being overly emotional about it, to the opposite end of the spectrum and being a confident person when I went out and met new people. I was really all over the place depending on the day or my mood.
A few years ago, I had started attending college and my best friend of a few years and I had a huge falling out. This ended our relationship very abruptly and basically ruined my freshman year of college in many aspects. It was hard to move on because I was young, in a new town and school, and surrounded by people I didn't know. Despite that, I learned a lot. One of the most important takeaways from this relationship was that I wasn't going to get closure. We never spoke again, even though we lived very close and had similar friends for the year that I remained at that school. I was never able to get closure and the "why would you do that" question answered. In learning this, I've been better about closure in other aspects of my life, and I have learned that closure doesn't really exist, at least the way you picture it in your mind.
Even from these experiences, I still have to work at moving on.
i have no problem ending a relationship that isn't going to work. emotions have their place with me, but in a case like this i would be very careful with them and perhaps not even allow them any space in the situation.
when my ex ended our relationship it was a total surprise and i was deeply hurt but i still just got on my horse and rode.
i just don't see the point in dwelling or wallowing
when my ex ended our relationship it was a total surprise and i was deeply hurt but i still just got on my horse and rode.
i just don't see the point in dwelling or wallowing
Before you can let it go, you have to accept it as it is. Accept everything. Accept that it hurts; accept that is unfair; accept the little hope you have that it might still work out; accept the fact that you may see things that aren't there; accept that you were rejected/hurt/not in the right place, right time; accept that this person is not the one; accept that it's normal to be a little afraid of uncertainty; accept that things didn't turn out the way you planned and it might happen again.
But most of all, you have to accept the risk of possibly being hurt again by someone else.
Often, we hang onto things that we know are not good for us because we like the familiar. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know, as the old saying goes. Dwelling on old wounds is a defense mechanism that prevents us from getting hurt in a different way, by a different person. This isn't always the case, of course, but chances are, if you're holding onto something for a very, very long time and allowing yourself get hurt by it over and over again, it's serving you in some way. It's a good idea to investigate why you're letting yourself hang onto this and then lance the boil.
Remember to be patient with yourself, though. Depending on how long you've been holding onto this hurt, it may take a while to bleed out. In which case, just let yourself cry. Don't over think it. Just allow yourself to be as negative and dramatic as you need to be to get it all out. Then one day, it may be soon or it may be some weeks or months from now, you'll wake up and realize you're ready to replace that hurt with something else. A new hobby, interest, friendship, relationship, etc. It'll get easier once you work through the feelings and make some room to focus on something else.
But most of all, you have to accept the risk of possibly being hurt again by someone else.
Often, we hang onto things that we know are not good for us because we like the familiar. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know, as the old saying goes. Dwelling on old wounds is a defense mechanism that prevents us from getting hurt in a different way, by a different person. This isn't always the case, of course, but chances are, if you're holding onto something for a very, very long time and allowing yourself get hurt by it over and over again, it's serving you in some way. It's a good idea to investigate why you're letting yourself hang onto this and then lance the boil.
Remember to be patient with yourself, though. Depending on how long you've been holding onto this hurt, it may take a while to bleed out. In which case, just let yourself cry. Don't over think it. Just allow yourself to be as negative and dramatic as you need to be to get it all out. Then one day, it may be soon or it may be some weeks or months from now, you'll wake up and realize you're ready to replace that hurt with something else. A new hobby, interest, friendship, relationship, etc. It'll get easier once you work through the feelings and make some room to focus on something else.
Yes, everything everyone else has been mentioning! Be extra patient and kind to yourself during the process of healing. Recognize that "your" timeframe to get over the pain and loss may be different from others. What has worked for me is to rationalize the situation---the more valid reasons I recognize why something happened and why it is a good thing it happened the better. It is a perfect first step. Let the mind lead and the heart follow...
I take an honest moment with myself, say this is not the end, there are better things waiting for me and this pain won't matter then and doesn't matter now.
Tin Man
"a respectable amount of screaming"
Shaqie
The Grandmaster in Disguise
I sleep with as many people as possible until my infatuation evaporates into oblivion. It usually works like a charm.
I dont think you can do anything really. Time seems to take care of it on its own. However, maybe you stop returning phone calls or making them if its the other way around. Just be absent of the person.
Found this some time ago and thought it would fit here very well. Hyperlink to follow. Some good feedback there as well. Very not pain free.
INFJ relationships are rare to come by. First because INFJ types are rare. Second because INFJs tend to be very protective of their inner core. When they allow that special someone in, that person has access to everything that is the essence of them.
In other words, INFJs don’t have “relationships” with the one they love. They have mates… i.e. life partners. When INFJs truly love someone, they love that person all the way to the end of their lives and possibly even beyond. So when things come to an end, as they have a tendency to do, INFJs get wounded to their core.
And this raw gaping wound in their soul can last a long time. It takes years for an INFJ to recover from a soul wound. On the surface, it may seem that life has returned to normal after awhile. But on the inside, the INFJ is still reflecting over the events, decisions, words and actions that have taken place during the relationship.
So how does an INFJ actually recover from this soul wound and heal themselves?
Your typical breakup advice doesn’t really work with INFJs. I think it’s mostly because INFJs are so rare that no case studies or relationship work has been done with them. What you get in advice for the masses applies to that… the masses.
INFJ Relationship — Being On The Receiving End
I refer to INFJ relationships that end because of a breakup caused by the other party. Why? If an INFJ has already made a decision to move on from a relationship, they would already have started the process of disassociating important parts of themselves from the relationship.
They would have understood why certain aspects just wouldn’t work and come to peace with letting that part go. So part by part, an INFJ would ease out of a relationship in the softest manner possible. They do this to allow time and social conditioning of their partner to get used to life without them.
When an INFJ wants to move on from a relationship from someone they still care about (but don’t want to spend the rest of their life with), they do their best to minimize the pain and hurt that may result from the breakup. They will do it in ways that are so subtle, you never really notice they are moving on until you are already used to living without their conscious presence.
Of course if you were paying attention to the relationship in the first place, it’s less likely that an INFJ would consider moving on unless the two of you are truly incompatible.
But when it comes to the other party initiating a breakup with an INFJ on the receiving end, I doubt that most other types give the same type of consideration. The motto of the faster the better usually applies. The “it is better to hurt them now rather than prolong the agony” is the typical advice given for initiating breakups.
So for INFJs whose core have been left vulnerable and exposed, it’s literally stabbing a red hot knife into their entrails, twisting it and slowly carving their heart out type of soul agony. The pain and hurt resonates for years even after the breakup. It’s a metaphysical reaching into their chest with your hand and yanking their heart out while it’s still beating.
And since most INFJs keep their inner circle to a limited number of people, it’s unlikely you’ll see them out partying and socializing as part of their healing process. On rare occasions when they need to get out of their minds, yes, they may need an outlet to just distract them. But as a rule of thumb, INFJs will spend their solitary moments coming to terms with whatever happened.
Obtaining Closure In INFJ Relationships
There are some key points that I wish to share here. I think most INFJs and spiritually aware people will understand this. When it comes to understanding universal spirit, it helps to know that everyone that lives on this planet comes from the same soul source. We are like little drops of water that are separated from the ocean, each an individual with their own perspective, personality and character. But yet we are all made from the same substance.
A lot of the experiences that we have on this planet relate to this planet. When we move on after death, life and values are much different on the other side. Physical things and earthly desires start to pale because they have no “value” when everything exists at the metaphysical level.
The thing is when you love someone, you love someone. You just do. You may never live your life with the person that you love, but it is good enough to know that because of love you need to set them free. Even if it hurts like ten thousand demons are rampaging through your soul having a wild malevolent party eating your heart out one bite at a time.
When it comes to letting go, for most INFJs who reach their spiritual maturity, the value of “the Highest Good of All Concerned” is the dominant factor. And this is the principle that you need to hold onto as you begin the process of finding closure.
INFJ Relationships — Actual Exercise For Finding Closure
Ok, this may seem like I’m piling it on in the pain and hurt department. But it also depends on where you are in your recovery stage and the reasons why things ended.
When you understand that the Highest Power is Unconditional Love, you might understand the reasons behind why you might want to try this.
Take out your journal, your private sacrosanct place. This exercise will help you bring a sense of completion and allow you to move on a little easier.
What you are going to do is to create a life for yourself in one of your inner worlds with your ex-partner. Since I am a guy, I’ll be writing this from a male INFJ perspective. If you’re female, just use the female perspective to create your own inner world, ok?
Okay.
What You Are Going To Do…
You’re going to live a complete life from beginning to end with the person that you love. Begin from the beginning or a comfortable place where things were still good between the two of you. If you were single and dating at that time, then start from that point. If you were married, then start from a place where things were still going great in the marriage.
I’ll start from the where you are a single in a relationship.
The next few paragraphs are about re-creating the relationship into the form of memories, so the language I use may seem to imply that events have already happened. It is an exercise in creating possibilities in your inner world to find closure in your heart and mind.
And so we begin…
Remember the first time the two of you met. The initial flutter, nervousness and gathering of courage that you needed to make the first approach. You were hoping that she responds in kind, but you never know for sure what her reaction is going to be. So when she replies, the dance begins.
Remember how the two of you start to talk and hang out a little. Remember the fun, laughter and joy the two of you enjoyed. Remember the sharing of intimate details and soul secrets that you would only share with your life partner. Remember the times that you spent together in the sunshine and the moments that only two of you will ever know.
Remember the best and the worst of her. Remember how you loved the best parts of her and remember how the two of you went through the worst parts together. Revisit the times that the two of you fought… and create a resolution that satisfies the both of you.
Imagine how you went through picking that engagement ring knowing what you know about her. You’re hoping that she will accept what you can offer, even if you know that she deserves better than whatever you could possibly hope to offer.
Imagine your proposal to her and asking for her hand in marriage. Imagine her delight, laughter and joy as you went to one knee and offered her the ring. Remember the sparkling light in her eyes when she said yes. Remember how your heart leapt and throbbed when she smiled with tears in her eyes as she accepted the ring on her finger.
Go through the planning of the wedding. The picking of the bridal gown, the long waits in the shops as she tried on dress after dress to find the one she finally loved. The discussion of details about who to invite to the wedding, what kind of entertainment to be had, and what the set-up would be like.
Imagine the day finally arriving, when you were ready to receive her at the altar. Feel the nervousness and anxiety that pounds at your heart as you wait for her to make her entrance.
Remember how your heart lifted in hope when the church doors started to open and the rapt silence that befell your soul when she finally stepped through.
You wonder why someone as beautiful and wonderful as her would ever marry someone like you. And then you stop questioning and accept the blessing that life has so generously offered you, because you know you will gladly spend the rest of your life making it up to her.
Imagine your honeymoon. Remember the fun and laughter that you shared when the two of you travelled to your favourite destinations. Oh how the both of you enjoyed the sun, the sand and the surf. Remember the intimate candlelight dinners and soft music playing in the background as the two of you speak softly in the lush darkness of the day.
Remember the moments when the two of you made love. Fall into the soft, sensual and romantic encounters. Feel the passion of the hard and aggressive moments. Feel the sharing of physical pleasures that spill out into the intimate surroundings of your lovemaking. Remember the teasing and building up of pleasurable intensity, keeping her on the edge until her cries fill your ears and her climax satisfies your soul.
Remember the languid moments after as you rest in each other’s arms, limbs tangled amid passion-wrecked blankets. Remember the moments of physical and soul connection as the two of your drift into blissful sleep.
Remember the re-entry into society and working life after your honeymoon. The tough times the two of you go through together as you seek to establish yourselves into a new life routine. Imagine going through hard moments of life together as both of you meet with obstacles in work, family and life. Remember how the two of you fought and disagreed with one another.
But always remember how the two of you came back together and worked it out.
And for the tough times you went through together, the relationship became stronger and the foundations became surer. Because you know that regardless of what life throws your way, you will be there for her as much as she will always be there for you.
Remember the first news of her pregnancy. Feel your heart leap with joy and then the worry that comes over the health of both her and your child. Feel the kind patience of your soul as she snaps at you over the fussing as you do your best to wrap her in cotton wool until the baby is born.
Remember the times when you went to classes with her in preparation for the birth of your child.
Remember how your heart stopped the day her water broke.
The rush to the hospital was controlled frenzy. Take part in the craziness of the birthing process and finally hold your child in your arms. Feel the quiet joy and pride that both of you shared as you held your baby in your arms.
Remember the times when you woke up in the night to soothe your baby. Remember the tiredness and her kicking you out of bed to change the baby’s diapers. Remember the moments that the two of you spent watching your child grow up.
Remember how the two of you talked late into the nights about what kind of person you would like your child to be, and how much you loved each other still over the years. A love for each other that is separate from your child, yet encompassing your baby in your world.
As you continue to imagine and create a life together with the person you love, always hold to the principle that the two of you worked things out and came to love each other more. Even when your thoughts want to derail and go into dark moments, always find a way back to making things right.
This is… after all…. your inner world of imagination. You are the creator and participant in this experience of life. This is where you get the chance to finally live out a life together with the one you love.
Create a life together all the way to the end. A life that is real with its ups and downs, its moments of joy and its moments of sadness. Create a life that encompasses the important things to you. Watching your children grow up into fine adults, the life the two of you shared and the years when you realized that the both of you were getting older.
Imagine the time when you finally made peace with going through death’s door and getting ready to meet each other again on the other side. Imagine how your life would have been if the two of you got the chance to live with the best of each other.
Finally, make peace with yourself that you have already lived a life with the one you love. In another world, in another time, perhaps all this would have taken place. But the truth is… it did.
It took place in your inner world. You got a chance to live out a full and complete life together. You got to experience the best of each other. You got to experience the worst of each other and yet made it through.
You have already lived a life with the one you love.
And now that you have, let go of the need to have that person in your life. Allow the one that you love to go free. To experience the journey and life’s lessons that she (or he) needs in their journey. Know that you do so because you have already lived the life you wanted. Let go because of the love you have for their soul and their journey in this life.
And when you have made peace within your heart and soothed the cry of your soul, you can continue with your own journey in this world. You know that you have already lived a thousand lifetimes in the deepest depths of your heart and this is but another path to walk.
Namaste
http://www.darbright.com/infj-relationships-finding-closure-and-moving-on/
INFJ relationships are rare to come by. First because INFJ types are rare. Second because INFJs tend to be very protective of their inner core. When they allow that special someone in, that person has access to everything that is the essence of them.
In other words, INFJs don’t have “relationships” with the one they love. They have mates… i.e. life partners. When INFJs truly love someone, they love that person all the way to the end of their lives and possibly even beyond. So when things come to an end, as they have a tendency to do, INFJs get wounded to their core.
And this raw gaping wound in their soul can last a long time. It takes years for an INFJ to recover from a soul wound. On the surface, it may seem that life has returned to normal after awhile. But on the inside, the INFJ is still reflecting over the events, decisions, words and actions that have taken place during the relationship.
So how does an INFJ actually recover from this soul wound and heal themselves?
Your typical breakup advice doesn’t really work with INFJs. I think it’s mostly because INFJs are so rare that no case studies or relationship work has been done with them. What you get in advice for the masses applies to that… the masses.
INFJ Relationship — Being On The Receiving End
I refer to INFJ relationships that end because of a breakup caused by the other party. Why? If an INFJ has already made a decision to move on from a relationship, they would already have started the process of disassociating important parts of themselves from the relationship.
They would have understood why certain aspects just wouldn’t work and come to peace with letting that part go. So part by part, an INFJ would ease out of a relationship in the softest manner possible. They do this to allow time and social conditioning of their partner to get used to life without them.
When an INFJ wants to move on from a relationship from someone they still care about (but don’t want to spend the rest of their life with), they do their best to minimize the pain and hurt that may result from the breakup. They will do it in ways that are so subtle, you never really notice they are moving on until you are already used to living without their conscious presence.
Of course if you were paying attention to the relationship in the first place, it’s less likely that an INFJ would consider moving on unless the two of you are truly incompatible.
But when it comes to the other party initiating a breakup with an INFJ on the receiving end, I doubt that most other types give the same type of consideration. The motto of the faster the better usually applies. The “it is better to hurt them now rather than prolong the agony” is the typical advice given for initiating breakups.
So for INFJs whose core have been left vulnerable and exposed, it’s literally stabbing a red hot knife into their entrails, twisting it and slowly carving their heart out type of soul agony. The pain and hurt resonates for years even after the breakup. It’s a metaphysical reaching into their chest with your hand and yanking their heart out while it’s still beating.
And since most INFJs keep their inner circle to a limited number of people, it’s unlikely you’ll see them out partying and socializing as part of their healing process. On rare occasions when they need to get out of their minds, yes, they may need an outlet to just distract them. But as a rule of thumb, INFJs will spend their solitary moments coming to terms with whatever happened.
Obtaining Closure In INFJ Relationships
There are some key points that I wish to share here. I think most INFJs and spiritually aware people will understand this. When it comes to understanding universal spirit, it helps to know that everyone that lives on this planet comes from the same soul source. We are like little drops of water that are separated from the ocean, each an individual with their own perspective, personality and character. But yet we are all made from the same substance.
A lot of the experiences that we have on this planet relate to this planet. When we move on after death, life and values are much different on the other side. Physical things and earthly desires start to pale because they have no “value” when everything exists at the metaphysical level.
The thing is when you love someone, you love someone. You just do. You may never live your life with the person that you love, but it is good enough to know that because of love you need to set them free. Even if it hurts like ten thousand demons are rampaging through your soul having a wild malevolent party eating your heart out one bite at a time.
When it comes to letting go, for most INFJs who reach their spiritual maturity, the value of “the Highest Good of All Concerned” is the dominant factor. And this is the principle that you need to hold onto as you begin the process of finding closure.
INFJ Relationships — Actual Exercise For Finding Closure
Ok, this may seem like I’m piling it on in the pain and hurt department. But it also depends on where you are in your recovery stage and the reasons why things ended.
When you understand that the Highest Power is Unconditional Love, you might understand the reasons behind why you might want to try this.
Take out your journal, your private sacrosanct place. This exercise will help you bring a sense of completion and allow you to move on a little easier.
What you are going to do is to create a life for yourself in one of your inner worlds with your ex-partner. Since I am a guy, I’ll be writing this from a male INFJ perspective. If you’re female, just use the female perspective to create your own inner world, ok?
Okay.
What You Are Going To Do…
You’re going to live a complete life from beginning to end with the person that you love. Begin from the beginning or a comfortable place where things were still good between the two of you. If you were single and dating at that time, then start from that point. If you were married, then start from a place where things were still going great in the marriage.
I’ll start from the where you are a single in a relationship.
The next few paragraphs are about re-creating the relationship into the form of memories, so the language I use may seem to imply that events have already happened. It is an exercise in creating possibilities in your inner world to find closure in your heart and mind.
And so we begin…
Remember the first time the two of you met. The initial flutter, nervousness and gathering of courage that you needed to make the first approach. You were hoping that she responds in kind, but you never know for sure what her reaction is going to be. So when she replies, the dance begins.
Remember how the two of you start to talk and hang out a little. Remember the fun, laughter and joy the two of you enjoyed. Remember the sharing of intimate details and soul secrets that you would only share with your life partner. Remember the times that you spent together in the sunshine and the moments that only two of you will ever know.
Remember the best and the worst of her. Remember how you loved the best parts of her and remember how the two of you went through the worst parts together. Revisit the times that the two of you fought… and create a resolution that satisfies the both of you.
Imagine how you went through picking that engagement ring knowing what you know about her. You’re hoping that she will accept what you can offer, even if you know that she deserves better than whatever you could possibly hope to offer.
Imagine your proposal to her and asking for her hand in marriage. Imagine her delight, laughter and joy as you went to one knee and offered her the ring. Remember the sparkling light in her eyes when she said yes. Remember how your heart leapt and throbbed when she smiled with tears in her eyes as she accepted the ring on her finger.
Go through the planning of the wedding. The picking of the bridal gown, the long waits in the shops as she tried on dress after dress to find the one she finally loved. The discussion of details about who to invite to the wedding, what kind of entertainment to be had, and what the set-up would be like.
Imagine the day finally arriving, when you were ready to receive her at the altar. Feel the nervousness and anxiety that pounds at your heart as you wait for her to make her entrance.
Remember how your heart lifted in hope when the church doors started to open and the rapt silence that befell your soul when she finally stepped through.
You wonder why someone as beautiful and wonderful as her would ever marry someone like you. And then you stop questioning and accept the blessing that life has so generously offered you, because you know you will gladly spend the rest of your life making it up to her.
Imagine your honeymoon. Remember the fun and laughter that you shared when the two of you travelled to your favourite destinations. Oh how the both of you enjoyed the sun, the sand and the surf. Remember the intimate candlelight dinners and soft music playing in the background as the two of you speak softly in the lush darkness of the day.
Remember the moments when the two of you made love. Fall into the soft, sensual and romantic encounters. Feel the passion of the hard and aggressive moments. Feel the sharing of physical pleasures that spill out into the intimate surroundings of your lovemaking. Remember the teasing and building up of pleasurable intensity, keeping her on the edge until her cries fill your ears and her climax satisfies your soul.
Remember the languid moments after as you rest in each other’s arms, limbs tangled amid passion-wrecked blankets. Remember the moments of physical and soul connection as the two of your drift into blissful sleep.
Remember the re-entry into society and working life after your honeymoon. The tough times the two of you go through together as you seek to establish yourselves into a new life routine. Imagine going through hard moments of life together as both of you meet with obstacles in work, family and life. Remember how the two of you fought and disagreed with one another.
But always remember how the two of you came back together and worked it out.
And for the tough times you went through together, the relationship became stronger and the foundations became surer. Because you know that regardless of what life throws your way, you will be there for her as much as she will always be there for you.
Remember the first news of her pregnancy. Feel your heart leap with joy and then the worry that comes over the health of both her and your child. Feel the kind patience of your soul as she snaps at you over the fussing as you do your best to wrap her in cotton wool until the baby is born.
Remember the times when you went to classes with her in preparation for the birth of your child.
Remember how your heart stopped the day her water broke.
The rush to the hospital was controlled frenzy. Take part in the craziness of the birthing process and finally hold your child in your arms. Feel the quiet joy and pride that both of you shared as you held your baby in your arms.
Remember the times when you woke up in the night to soothe your baby. Remember the tiredness and her kicking you out of bed to change the baby’s diapers. Remember the moments that the two of you spent watching your child grow up.
Remember how the two of you talked late into the nights about what kind of person you would like your child to be, and how much you loved each other still over the years. A love for each other that is separate from your child, yet encompassing your baby in your world.
As you continue to imagine and create a life together with the person you love, always hold to the principle that the two of you worked things out and came to love each other more. Even when your thoughts want to derail and go into dark moments, always find a way back to making things right.
This is… after all…. your inner world of imagination. You are the creator and participant in this experience of life. This is where you get the chance to finally live out a life together with the one you love.
Create a life together all the way to the end. A life that is real with its ups and downs, its moments of joy and its moments of sadness. Create a life that encompasses the important things to you. Watching your children grow up into fine adults, the life the two of you shared and the years when you realized that the both of you were getting older.
Imagine the time when you finally made peace with going through death’s door and getting ready to meet each other again on the other side. Imagine how your life would have been if the two of you got the chance to live with the best of each other.
Finally, make peace with yourself that you have already lived a life with the one you love. In another world, in another time, perhaps all this would have taken place. But the truth is… it did.
It took place in your inner world. You got a chance to live out a full and complete life together. You got to experience the best of each other. You got to experience the worst of each other and yet made it through.
You have already lived a life with the one you love.
And now that you have, let go of the need to have that person in your life. Allow the one that you love to go free. To experience the journey and life’s lessons that she (or he) needs in their journey. Know that you do so because you have already lived the life you wanted. Let go because of the love you have for their soul and their journey in this life.
And when you have made peace within your heart and soothed the cry of your soul, you can continue with your own journey in this world. You know that you have already lived a thousand lifetimes in the deepest depths of your heart and this is but another path to walk.
Namaste
http://www.darbright.com/infj-relationships-finding-closure-and-moving-on/